Help, conflicted about mum’s use of MJ!

[Justanothernam]

Im not sure this is the right place to post this but… here goes… I recently started Mounjaro, since having kids and being diagnosed with Hashimoto's my weight crept up. I have been doing well and steadily losing the weight - hoorah! I’m extremely open about it, I can’t lie and I don’t want to so if people ask how I’m losing weight I just tell them. I understand that’s my personal choice.

My mum (in her 60s, slim, size 10, 5ft4) took an vested interest in the whole process asking lots questions about where I get it from, the dose, how much it costs, what I eat, which supplements I take…etc.
She frequently asks for ‘updates’ (I see her multiple times a week so she can see me). When we were going out for dinner she asked what I was going to order and what I would eat, she didn’t eat her meal.

She keeps telling me how ‘good’ she is being and watching what she eats, she has lost a significant amount of weight so that her size 10 clothes are now too big. This has eventually started alarm bells ringing… and I feel so silly I didn’t twig before. I asked her if she was using the jabs and she said no, she wouldn’t be able to get it prescribed anyway and reiterated she is just being good.

Which brings me to my confession, I knew she was lying so I looked in her fridge and found the medication. I didn’t have time to properly look at it so I had to go back the next day. She had taken the pen out of the box and hidden it in a box of drinks in the fridge.

I would like to add at this point that she has a history of ED Although not for well over 40 years.

The medication was prescribed to her, I did eventually find the box with the prescription sticker on.

I don’t know what to do, do I confront her? Do I let the provider know that she must have lied to get it?

Or am I being totally unreasonable and just ought to let her carry on doing what she is doing and butt out?

I feel so conflicted, help!

interesting.

@lifeturnsonadime No, that wasn’t me?

OP - why is one of your first thought to contact the prescriber?

And what bothers you really - is it her health? Or some sort of strange competitiveness?

Your mom is in her 60s. Let her be. If she starts looking unhealthy - obviously talk to her, but otherwise - it's really pretty strange to want to inform the prescriber.

‘Confront’ probably isn’t the best way to frame it but yes, I’d speak to her. She might not be open to a conversation but I’d let her know you know.

How is your relationship with your mum, specifically when it comes to weight / your weight / her attitude to food etc?

100 percent my concern is her health. She is not overweight at all, she was healthy but I’m worried that now she is not.
There is absolutely no competitiveness at all, I’m usually a firm believer in each to their own but I don’t understand how it’s responsible to give someone with a healthy BMI and a history of eating disorders this particular medication.

I think it must be very hard to approach someone with a history of eating disorders who is clearly displaying disordered behaviour around food and is abusing prescription medication to do it. I don’t know whether directly addressing it with her would be effective, but what other option could there be?

The issue of contacting the prescriber is slightly separate. They ought to know that their checks are inadequate and that they should not be prescribing, but I don’t know what the best way of contacting them to do so would be.

Thanks, yes I suppose poor choice of words. Mainly because I am upset that she lied to me when I asked her about it.
We have a great relationship, speak every day, see each other multiple times throughout the week so I guess I am hurt she feels she needs to hide it.
Her attitude to weight is reflective of her past, it’s not healthy.

I can understand your concern. I would try to put aside your upset and approach her with empathy. Is there anything going on in her life that may have prompted her to fixate on her weight (aside you starting WLIs)?

It's possible she could have been prescribed it legitimately in terms of her size, it can be prescribed at BMI 25 and many people wouldn't look overweight at that BMI. Of course it is much harder for prescribers to know if someone seeking it has a history of ED. I agree approaching with empathy if she's feeling pulled back into old feelings about weight and control.

I wouldn't be upset that she hasn't told you she's using the WLIs, even if you have an otherwise close relationship. Sometimes people want to keep medical issues private, so maybe give some thought to respecting this. I do understand if you have concerns regarding her health, especially if you believe there's an ED issue, but I think I would approach that with great sensitivity and empathy rather than a confrontation. Maybe not even let on that you know about the WLIs, but approach it purely from a weight loss perspective, if you do genuinely feel she is below what would be considered a healthy weight.
I certainly wouldn't contact her prescriber. That could cause real conflict issues in your relationship. Snooping around in her fridge to see if you can find the WLIs, not once but twice, won't land well with her either, I imagine. I know how I would feel if I discovered any of my children had done this - because that's where I keep them and no one other than my OH knows about them.