Weight loss and relationships

[TimeMist]

I wasn't sure whether to post this in relationships or weightloss, but here goes. I was hoping to see how other woman have dealt with this weight loss journey, where a (very supportive) partner is overweight too.

I've been on WLI for 3 months or so, and consistently losing around 2 lbs a week. I've got 130 pounds to lose, so it's still early days.

I've only told my husband so far, and he has been extremely supportive, asking what he can do to help, if he should avoid bringing junk food into the house etc. But honestly, with the WLI doing the heavy lifting, he can eat takeaways in front of me, and I just don't fancy it anymore.

I would never tell him to lose weight etc, but I am starting to worry what will happen if I finally succeed in reaching a healthy BMI.

I'm a yo-yo dieter, having been a anywhere a size 16 to 22 during our marriage, and as each diet fails, I've put more weight on each year. He is also overweight, definitely obese now we're in our mid-40s, but not as severely obese as I was when I started WLI.

My motivation to lose weight is mainly for our child, I want to be able to run around with them while they're still little, and be fit and healthy if/when they have kids, like my parents are. We're also older parents, so I guess that makes me more conscious of the importance of healthy years.

We've often talked about making changes to be healthier, however this is the first time it actually feels achievable. He's not keen on taking WLI himself. As he sees me doing well, he's made the normal noises about making changes to his diet and starting to exercise, but has made zero changes so far.

Alcohol is also becoming an issue. We've both always enjoyed a drink (or several) however I now don't get much enjoyment from my beloved wine. I'll maybe have a small glass of wine or two at the weekend, but not the full bottle or so I used to have! When he's had a few, it's like I'm annoying teetotaler, starting to get fed up with the side effects - the snoring, the next day grumpy husband etc.

I feel like a complete hypocrite, and who knows, maybe I'll fail and we'll both be overweight (and miserable) together.

I would talk to him about how you see your life progressing when you come off the jabs. Unless you plan on staying on them, then you need to make these changes or you will put the weight back on.

I think sitting down and discussing and naming a meal plan which minimises alcohol and takeaways and discussing starting some exercise together. Maybe tomorrow is a good day to find the time to do that? Think of it like making a business plan at work with measurable outcomes , not just I will eat better.

I don’t think you are being helpful telling him it doesn’t bother you if he gets takeaways.

You will have a lot more success if you do this as a team even if you are taking jabs and isnt.

Maybe he will change his mind as you start to look a lot slimmer. That’s what happened to me. My husband was all no chance. But as he watched me get slimmer, get healthier, feel good, I think he felt left behind, and wanted the same , so he also started.

I think it will very much depend on how onboard he is with losing the weight himself.

My partner is not taking WLI and was not as overweight as me, but definitely needed to lose a fair amount. We are a little older than you, but similarly motivated by wanting to be healthier for our children and to be as well as we can be as we age. Me starting WLI has been the incentive she needed to really make a sustained effort to lose alongside me.

She joins me for all my walking, and we have significantly increased the difficulty and duration of our exercise efforts. We meal plan together and share the cooking and she has changed her eating habits in the same way as I've changed mine.

Without the jabs, there are things she is finding harder - she snacks more than me, and she fancies alcohol more than me, but she has reined it in massively and is steadily losing and has done brilliantly - I really don't think I could have achieved what she has without WLI.

It sounds to me like whilst your husband is supportive of YOU losing weight, he either does not see that he too has an issue or would benefit from losing weight, or he feels unmotivated to try, as he feels he will fail.

Thank you all for your replies, it's really good to see how this can play out.

My husband definitely wants to be healthier, but there's a big gap between wanting to and actually taking action.

Before reading up on WLI, I had kind of given up on losing weight as so many previous attempts had failed. I feel like he probably is in the same boat, in that his previous attempts to get healthy were only ever short lived, before falling back into bad habits.

Hopefully I can stick with this and make real progress, and motivate him to make lasting changes too.

My partner was absolutely scathing about me using WLI and actually quite resistant to me losing weight at all. I was 18st one he was around 17st. He felt really threatened by my weight loss and success. However, one day he just admitted how crap he felt and decided to join me. It has been brilliant for the both of us. He’s lost 5.5 stone and I’ve lost a stone and a bit more than him.
Once he’d challenged his own feelings about weight and lifestyle, he’s been blown away by how successful he’s been and how much better he feels.
All I can suggest is just to do you. Eat the way you want and don’t be judgey because as we all know, no overweight person ever needed telling they were fat, it’s the taking action that’s the hard bit and your success may well spur him on.

You’ve said extremely supportive in one sentence, then said he eats takeaway in front of you in another. Time for him to stop that.