“You need to stop now” - why??

[PlimsollsAndAPaperHat]

Why do people start saying this?

”You’re tiny now you need to stop soon”, “don’t lose any more you’re too thin”

Not everyone knows I’m on WLI, but whilst some people are really encouraging about my weight loss (nearly 7 stone, over 2 stone to go to reach the top of my healthy weight range), some are now getting hostile about it. I’m demonstrably not tiny or very thin. I’m a size 14/16. I feel gaslit by these people at this point and it gets in my head that maybe I have a dysmorphic view of myself, but then I look at the figures again and shake it off.

Since being a child I’ve never been a healthy weight. I’ve been yo-yoing between obese and morbidly obese for most of my life. I feel that WLIs are treating something and for the first time in my life I feel normal, I have a good relationship with food, I can eat what I want but the difference is I’m able to make good choices about what I eat and I’m able to exercise. I’m not interested in being skinny, I want to be healthy.

I don’t understand why my weight loss and my plan to reach a healthy weight is upsetting to people, even some who barely know me, like a woman who lives a few doors down from me.

I shut them down and stand up for myself, I’m not a doormat, but honestly it’s doing my head in. Why do these people think it’s any of their business how much I weigh? It’s weird.

A couple of possibilities:

They think they are complimenting you or saying what you want to hear: you're so tiny!
They don't want you to be thinner than them - because this suggests they also need to lose weight.
Most likely they are trying to make small talk and are being a bit clumsy.

It's like when you're pregnant, and a perfectly normal size, and random people ask if it's twins or say you're going to burst. It's just inane chat.

This is ALWAYS, without fail, because you’re about to be thinner or more attractive than they are.

It’s weird isn’t it?

I have an older friend in her 70’s who said this to me last week. I’m a size 14/16 (down from 22) and still about 21lbs away from hitting 25 bmi so definitely still need to carry on losing weight.

What pissed me off the most is that she’s extremely thin and is into Yoga and veganism and her skin looks like paper. I don’t think she’s all that healthy but wouldn’t dream of saying that to her and she thinks it’s fine to tell me not to lose any more weight??? 🤯

I'm like others here, size 14-16 down from a 24 and getting those comments.
I usually answer this with "Well maybe you should tell the NHS because I'm doing this for my health and, according to their figures, I'm still well over a stone overweight". That followed by silence and a withering glare usually works

It doesn’t feel like either. It feels critical, as if I’m genuinely tiny and think I’m much bigger than I am. They come across as almost angry at me for having this view of myself. Like I said, it’s weird.

I’ve had A bit of this. Am 9 stone down and not sure what it is. My bmi is still 29 so I’m a way off a healthy weight. Guess it’s just because I look so different to the last 40 years. 🤔🤔🤔🤔. Maybe. Don’t know.

Unfortunately, a lot of people don't like someone else looking 'better' than them. I'm getting this at BMI 21, down from 42. But no-one said this when I was 18 and had always been slim!

I get that quite a lot. And it’s not banter, it’s serious finger wagging. It really hacks me off.

Yes, it doesn’t feel friendly at all.
You're damned if you’re fat, you’re damned if you do something about it. Can’t win.

The generous interpretation of these types of comment is that the person is used to you looking a certain way, and you now look different. The less generous interpretation is simple jealousy. I’ve been told I have ‘ozempic face’ due to my rapid weight loss. My BMI is just under 25, and the loss of 75 pounds has taken 18 months, so hardly rapid. These sorts of comments are hurtful, but you just have to think positively about what weight loss has done for you, not what other people think.

Just ignore. I had it from one person, to the point that I went home and stared at myself trying to see what they are seeing. I’m a very solid size 16 still, BMI over 27. It pushed me into bumping up my weight training as I was thinking perhaps my body language was looking a bit droopy or something, and that wasn’t a bad thing. If my doctor insisted I stop then I would, but nobody else gets a say.

I think there are a number of factors at play

They see the change not the numbers in the way that you do, and the change is massive and impressive.

You loose fat unevenly (or at least i have) so at bmi 25 i have very defined collarbones and long skinny legs (my legs were always relatively slim) which can give the appearance of having gone far enough, but I'm still carrying what i have left to loose all on my belly, so depending how i dress and what people see might influence what they think. Likewise rapid weightloss can make you look gaunt which doesn't always look healthy and they may be concerned. With time this will likely all even out, but if they genuinely care for you they may be genuinely concerned.

If you live in an area or work in a sector with a lot of obesity people's 'norms' of what a healthy weight looks like may have skewwed.

I don't think it is jealousy.

This must be frustrating to hear OP. Are these comments from normally nice friends? I wondered if another angle to see it from might be that when you lose weight your face shape etc can change. Maybe they are just seeing this and worried you might look gaunter soon? Obviously it’s all in comparison to what you look liked before etc.
I know that when I lose weight my body might look great but as I’ve got older, my face pays the price!

It may completely be jealously, as others have said. But if these are people you normally count as friends then maybe ask next time “why do you say that?” and see if genuine reason? Although I guess they may feel awkward saying that it’s impacting your facial features etc.

I’ve lost weight quite evenly. My body still looks very similar in terms of tummy rolls and lumps and bumps, just smaller.
Nothing looks skinny. My face is a bit wrinklier but not gaunt. There’s nothing concerning about my appearance at all.

I found it annoying too. It has since stopped now they are used to seeing me with a BMI of 24 rather than 32!

I’ve started to get this from a few people. I know I’ve struggled to recognise my body as it’s got smaller (thinking I’m bigger than I am), so I have a handful of well trusted friends who I check in with if the “you’re too thin” comments are getting to me. I trust them to give me a truthful answer, which now is you haven’t gone too far but might if you keep going, which feels fair (I have a BMI of 24, but uneven with emerging bony shoulders I wouldn’t want to get much smaller).

I’d like to think (given who the comments are coming from) that they are coming from a place of me looking extremely different now, but I do think one person is struggling with the change in our roles (they were always the “fit” one, whereas I’ve now discovered that exercise in a bit way). I’ve found it really hard if I’m honest - but only as it’s someone I’d like to think cares about me/my health.

But I find it very reassuring to have trusted people to check in with. But only because I know I’ve struggled with recognising my emerging body (getting better now it’s settling).

Good luck!

When I lost weight in the past, not even a large amount, my mother-in-law and her sister-in-law staged an intervention to try and stop me losing any more weight. I had to laugh because, at that point, I could still grab my belly fat with both hands and wiggle it up and down but they were acting as if my life was on the line and I was going to fade away to nothing. I think the only thing you can do is shrug it off and go by your own perception.