Handling comments about weight loss jabs as cheating in social settings

[Wildgoat]

First cheating comment heard in the wild!

out to dinner last night with some of my husbands colleagues and their partners, one was a woman who we have never met before, she was picking her food choices and said she’d lost two stone, I responded with well done you look great.

she then says “and I did it the hard way, not like these people who cheat and use the jabs,”

im totally open about using the injections with all friends and family, but not work colleagues and my husband is the same, he also uses it, so I’m always going to respect that. Its his colleagues.

so I responded with “cheating who” in a polite and quizzical manner, “surely it’s not a competition”, my husband said “as long as it’s done healthy that’s all the matters, no?” and we changed the conversation immediately to something else.

but we were both quite surprised by it, she didn’t know the group, so doesn’t know who could be on it, wasn’t asked, just blurted it out in an angry little manner.

anyone else heard this in real life and how would you have responded?

I haven't heard it, no.

How would I respond? I wouldn't unless I was specifically asked my opinion on wli, then I would give it. It's rarely worth engaging with someone who's on their soapbox

She is clearly a twit but not worth engaging with.

I guess for someone who is putting in the emotional graft to overcome the struggles that Jabs are temporarily removing to allow people to achieve their goals will maybe see themselves as combatting the root of the issue and hence sees it more of a challenge. I think jabs are great if they work but they’re a short term fix unless the real work is done and she’s acknowledging that. I don’t know a single person that’s maintained after stopping them and that’s the bit I’m with her on. It’s a plaster not a cure, can’t escape the work required. She’s proud of herself but doesn’t need to bring anyone down to convey that so it was a low comment. That’s probably how I’d respond.

They’re only a temporary fix if people start binge-eating again afterwards. The same will apply to anyone doing it the “hard way,” if they too don’t address the root cause of the initial weight gain.

I know 2 people who came off WLIs last year and both are maintaining. The WLIs gave them the space to change their eating habits and lifestyles, so that’s the key. Even if you lost weight the “hard way”🙄, you would still need to keep eating healthily and exercising in order to maintain. The same goes for any weight loss journey/diet, this isn’t rocket science.

Only last night someone commented on my weight loss (4 stone) and was asking about how I’d done it. Her tone was ‘anti jab’. I said yes I used the jab and was in a calorie deficit and was moving more. I then added I viewed it as an aid not unlike people wanting to stop smoking who use patches.

Sounds like you both handled it really well. "Cheating who" is a great reply!

I wonder if these people feel the same about taking paracetamol rather than letting a headache take it's course. It is all medication

In a way though, it is a quick fix/sticking plaster... same with liquid/vlc diets etc. Unless you adopt a complete life style change, most people will put the weight back on. Research has shown that 80% to 95% of people who have lost weight on a diet gain it back within 2 years. I've lost 5 stone as the moment I turned 50 my diabetes stopped responding to the meds I was on. I've had to completely change my diet, and do so for life and it's a challenge every single day. I have to follow a lower carb/high protein diet and it's been a huge wake up call as to what I was eating before thinking was healthy.

But does anyone have the right to shame WLI users even if it's not a choice they'd make? It's their body, their health and their money.

I am anti-jab but frankly if I heard someone say that to you I think i would be very cutting indeed. Cheating ffs.

And Yy to @maddiemookins16mum . i have issues with alcohol and heavily use alcohol free substitutes while abstaining. I view it as the same as using nicorette etc. A support while you deal with the underlying issues.

Some people are stupid wankers though. I've been judged every which way in my life for so many things (only child, had an only child for a while; choosing not to work full time right now; etc etc etc.) Other people sometimes need to just fuck off.

But my main point- never feel like you have to justify any decision you make about your own life, or your own body that has nothing to do with someone else. They can go boil their heads if they think they have the right to criticise.

ETA-I'm anti jab only because I worry about long term side effects.

Well I’ve nothing against weight loss injections but if it was just as easy to lose weight without them then everyone would just go it alone. So WLI do make it easier. So its the easy option. I wouldn’t necessarily call it cheating though

Curious folks see it as a quick fix, I lost an average of 1 and a half pounds a week, changed my diet and am staying on long term on a maintenance dose, as per the recommendations from all the health authorities, I also see anecdotally so many people doing the same,

I don’t think accusing people of cheating and saying she did it the hard way, is in any way saying it’s a quick fix though. She’s just as likely if not more, to regain the weight she lost

i jusg don’t see it as a competition, or any prizes for doing it the hard way,

It's a bit of a weird concept to call it "cheating" imo - because no other medication is called cheating. People don't say taking statins to lower blood pressure is cheating - even though blood pressure can often be controlled by a healthier lifestyle.
I think the reason the jabs are so emotive is the incredible visible difference in people on them - people that have struggled with obesity for years are suddenly managing to lose the weight and transform themselves. So people calling it cheating are kind of bitter about it - like they're a bit pissed the fatties didn't have to kill themselves in the gym & suffer hunger pangs to lose the weight.
The reality is that most on WLI do combine it with healthy eating & exercise too though - and yes, if they come off them they risk regaining the weight, but that's exactly the same as weight watchers or keto or whatever - come off the diet & revert to how you ate before & you will regain the weight. However you lose the weight, keeping it off long-term means a lifestyle change & sticking to the diet/gym regime.
"Cheating who?" is an excellent response - I'll use it in the future.

Yeah, she's probably on them herself 😂, I've lost a dramatic and very noticeable amount, and fend off comments every day.
It usually goes, are you OK?
Me: yes thanks
You've lost loads,
Yes I have
Was it the jabs?
No
Weather's been good for the time of year.
I don't discuss any of my medication with anyone, ever, so I shut them down.
The worst people are the ones on it who want to go on and on about it, just STFU, it's really not that interesting.
As for cheating, so what if I have, fuck all to do with anyone else.

It’s literally the first time I’ve heard it in real life, and I felt saying it to your partners work colleagues when you don’t know them was a little foolish, she was clearly quite irate about it. I mean we didn’t even ask how she did it, she just blurted it out,

we discussed it after, my husband said do you think there is a stigma, I said I think some people would like there to be, he said “maybe it’s the cost, I think many people would do it if they could afford it,”

and I suspect for some that’s correct. I just can’t get my head round anyone thinking its cheating, what on earth are you cheating,

I’d say “Gosh.”, then pause and look directly at her for JUST long enough to make things really awkward.

I’d then smile and change the subject. Everyone else in your group would know exactly who’d put their foot in it.

I try to avoid all discussion of weight outside of with my DH and DC for this very reason. I just can’t be bothered hearing people’s nonsense or trying to enlighten them. Perhaps you could have not responded to her comments about her weight (by saying well done) and not given her the opportunity to vent her views. Just a suggestion, might not have worked in the circumstances, I don’t know.

I think calling it cheating is ridiculous - you were right with your “cheating who?” comment. What is the actual cheating they think is happening?

I don’t understand people who object to WLI being referred to as an easier option though. Clearly it is an easier option (note I’m saying easier, not easy), or people wouldn’t choose it over losing weight without them.
But again, I’d query why that is seen as a negative thing to criticise WLI users over - “easier way to help resolve serious health condition” wouldn’t be a negative statement for other health conditions.

I think there is an element of envy or jealousy involved. These jabs aren’t cheap so many people can’t afford to be on them even though they would secretly like to.

I love the "cheating who" comment. Some people just can't stand anyone improving themselves.

As a current (private) WLI user who has tried different ways to lose weight in the past, I can assure anyone who hasn't tried WLI that it is not at all easy. I still have to eat in a calorie deficit and watch what good I do eat. I have started having unpleasant side effects that make you feel quite unwell at times - something that I haven't been through before, even when doing keto and flogging myself in the gym.

There is a history of diabetes and heart disease in my family, my own mum in her mid 60s has had a major heart scare, TIA and has diabetes that is incredibly debilitating and difficult to keep under control. She is practically immobile. It is heartbreaking as she was an incredibly hard- working and active woman who never smoked and rarely drank alcohol.

I don't want to go down the same path and am trying to help myself in the future. If someone thinks that is cheating in some way then let them crack on.

@Wildgoat ,I agree, I don't know who we're supposed to be cheating.
I do think there's a sore point because the vast majority of people have to spend ££ to get them.
There's also a lot of women my age (post menopause) that couldn't lose without them, because the weight gain was hormonal, so my peers who either can't afford it /don't agree with them, see them as cheating, or even don't respond to them,are jealous.
I lost a lot more than I intended to, so it's very noticeable, and I only ever took a small dose, still do, there's some of my friends and family who are at 15 and still can't lose, for whatever reason, some haven't changed their diets, some haven't responded, but I've never disclosed I'm on it, partly because I wasn't technically eligible in the first place so didn't want unwanted intrusive questions as to where I got it from.
It's nobody else's business, so I don't discuss, but some people are hard to fend off, and the bitchiness is off the scale, takes me back to my younger days when I was really thin and the snide remarks were prolific from bigger women.

I also don’t understand why making it easier to loose weight is seen as a negative. For me that’s a positive. It’s the whole point of the meditation. Most people find it incredibly difficult if not impossible to lose weight and keep it off. So making it easier and achievable is the key goal.

and nearly all diets try this, keto. Supposed to make it easier as protein fills you up. Slimming world. Supposed to make it easier as you fill up on some free foods, as bizzare as that is.

the meds are rhe only thing that has ever hit the diet industry to make if easier and achievable. Thays why we use them. No one is paying good money for it to be just as hard and unachievable.

the concept of we should not make it easier as it’s cheating is ludicrous. I’m not cheating anyone, as I’m not in competition with anyone. She may be, in her head, but that’s not on anyone else, that’s on her and her issue.

just irs one of these things, even if you thought it, you’d not blurt it out in front of a group of strangers with no prompting.😂

Yes my husband felt cost was a big part of this. It makes them out of reach foe millions of people. But thay doesn’t make it cheating. No one is cheating as they can afford them and others can’t.

The way I see it is that I am giving my willpower a break so I can use my headspace for other things.
So yes I’m using it and I see that it’s a form of hack.

Other examples could be nicotine patches to stop smoking, statins to bring down cholesterol (rather than being laser focussed on lifestyle factors).

You responded in the right way imo. People who make these comments are making a lot of assumptions and they're almost all wrong, almost all the time.

I've compared it to Sertraline before, and that's my direct experience. When I was trying to deal with anxiety, the anxiety was monopolising my energy, so it was almost impossible in the midst of it to develop any concert coping strategies. I was going from day to day permanently exhausted by it. Sertraline returned to me a baseline that enabled me to actually start to address both the causes and symptoms of anxiety. Mounjaro for me works in a similar way. My baseline isn't the same as someone who is able to improve their diet through willpower alone - in exactly the same way my mental baseline isn't the same as someone who is able to improve their mental health by going for a walk.

But it's the suggestion that I'm not doing anything difficult at the same time that bothers me. Sertraline wasn't an 'easy' thing, and nor was it cheating. The amount of awareness and self-awareness required to tackle anxiety is itself exhausting. It's hard to face it head on. There's no difference between that and facing other processes in your body that require both high levels of self-awareness AND medical intervention. Nothing about the last year on Mounjaro has been easy. But I have been able to make sustainable changes both for anxiety and obesity because of medication.