Scared about no longer being invisible

[mounjarowoes]

Hi
I started mounjaro last month and I'm doing well ( lost 12 pounds).
My weight gain started after a attack when I was 20 ( I'm 33 now) My weight was 19 stone. I was roughly 11 stone during the time of ny attack which is a healthy weight for my height so I've got 8 stone to lose.
I honestly don't care how I look but I don't want to die young and leave my children without a mum which is why I want to lose weight. But I'm scared I liked being invisible to men the only man who has shown an interest is my husband. I don't want to be looked at or asked out again or even be thought about in any way.
I still want to be invisible if that makes sense.
Can anyone relate? If so how did you overcome it?

I just wanted to say well done to you on doing this for your health and for your family. You'll avoid a huge collision with health-related issues in your future by shifting the weight now. That's amazing.

I don't know about the invisible bit, but I am also someone who likes to be unseen on occasion/prolonged periods of time. I can't not say it, your issue sounds very deep and from your wound of being attacked, and it makes sense. I would imagine therapy would help this.

You can be seen and have boundaries too. But I do know what you mean partly. I was attacked at 19 and I could not be alone with any man for a number of years (examples being, I'm sitting top deck on a bus and a man comes and sits somewhere upstairs). I would instantly go into frozen fear mode, as I'd once witnessed men and their brute capabilities. I lived for time thinking / knowing men had this capability and all it took was a decision on their part to act on it and physically overwhelm me.

But it passed with time and I don't quite know how. So I can't help you there.

But I really wanted to say well done 👏

Did you get help dealing with the psychological aftermath of the attack? If not, can I suggest you do. Putting what happened to you behind you and learning techniques to deal with unwanted attention will stand you in good stead. I have found that facing your fear and facing it down is very empowering and liberating. Take no shit, give no ground.

Dealing with it will also help stop you derailing your weight loss as you will want to run back to your comfort zone. Step outside it, scary at first, but OK once you get comfortable with it. Go you. 💪

Well done on taking back control of your life and your body.

Having the self awareness to realise this is the first step to overcoming it. You deserve to be healthy and have the freedom to go about your life without fear.

As you lose wieight gradually you will get used to being more visible. If it becomes too much then seek help to deal with this transition. Unwanted attention may or may not come. You can learn to deal with it without limiting yourself.

I’m so sorry about your experiences ❤️ It’s a tricky thing to navigate and yes, the need to be ‘invisible’ is entirely understandable - I suppose the main question is, have you had/are you having therapy to help you through this transition?

I'm sorry you were attacked, no-one deserves to feel that way and to be abused and live in fear when out and about, especially when alone.
Therapy may help, there are also phone lines to talk it through such as samaritans etc
Please know that most men are not violent or predators, there are lovely men out there who would have your back if you needed help. I've been through some tough times in my life, more recently last october with someone i know and have had horrible ptsd for months, including nightmares and the way I moved on was to tell myself it was temporary and that people who cause others pain are probably unhappy and in pain themselves.

I get how you want to remain invisible and understand the fear after being attacked. My advise would be to improve your physical strength which in turn will help the psychological affects. Strength class are good and help with weight loss as you're not losing muscle. Yoga and walking has helped me.

Good luck

Have you had counselling about the attack before? If not, I'd really recommend you do.

You've conflated your weight and thus your own perceived attractiveness with being attacked. You're kind of victim blaming yourself here. Abusive men don't attack because their victim is attractive, they attack because they can, the feel they have a right to and they're inadequate shit bags.

For what it's worth, men rarely approach anyone in IRL any more, and no being rude, in your mid 30s with kids, you'll probably continue to feel just as an invisible as before, but happier an healthier.

I do relate - I've lost 20 kg over the past 6 months, and whilst I still have a way to go, I'm starting to feel 'vulnerable' (I think that's the best word)

Previously I was sturdy, now there's less of me and I feel smaller and that's a strange adjustment to make.

So far, I'm no less invisible - perhaps being a bit older and a mum, and having a natural fuck off face (unless I'm doing my jolly fat girl act) means it'll never happen.

I've never had any therapy. Tbh it's not someone I would seek out just now especially when I only faced the real reason I gained weight recently.
I started 5mg this morning which felt like therapy in it self. As I'm worth getting healthy for
Thanks ❤️

Im early 30s not mid 😂😂 the only rude thing there ❤️

😂sorry!

You took the insult with exceptional good grace!

Being fat does tend to filter out the arsehole blokes and dimwitted judgemental people who don't consider fat people worthy of their charm.
Would it be possible to take up kick boxing as part of your exercise regime? It might feel better knowing you had the ability to surprise an assailant with an unexpected move before legging it to safety with your improved stamina.