To be spending a fortune to attend a wedding

[Jellyworms]

dh best friend getting married in august. We have been invited and our youngest is flowergirl
wedding is two hours from our home and starts super early so will need two nights in a hotel (night before and night of otherwise we wont be able to drink at all and will have to leave early to get dd tired home)
dh best friend just put into group chat that everyone must order their suits ( groomsmen) by x y z date and the cost is £368 per person!
ontop of this we have to pay 2 nights hotel
dds flowergirl dress and shoes
2x ds suits
my dress shoes etc
thats without adding on how much fuel that drive will take there and back!

then ontop they are asking for cash gifts only
AIBU to think this is taking the mick?

They should pay for the specific wedding party outfits they are making you buy.

This is what i thought too? I thought that was standard!

I wouldn’t drink and would choose to drive to save on hotel costs.

Total piss take.
Wedding budgets should include all the bridal party outfits.

YANBU, I can relate - My DB just done the same for July. Asking for matching suits for our brothers and BM at £160 each. It’s a 4 hr drive. Meal the day before (not paid) and day after.

my DH went on stag which was 4 hour drive plus 3 nights and expenses etc. inc excursion

Oh, and they’ve asked for money towards a trip to Asia 🫠 as a “honeymoon” even though they’ve been together 11 years and go on about 25 trips a year

tone deaf

That’s a silly price for the adult suit (to buy?!) DH should say no to that and not be an usher if need be.

2 hours away means you could get up, ready and go early and just pay for one night in the hotel or elsewhere. Leave all your stuff in the car until you can check in later.

Also, DSs don’t need suits unless they’re adults, get something smart but cheaper.

My son is getting married abd has factored in the cost of renting suits for his ushers etc to the wedding budget. If they wantvyou wearing specific things, they need to pay for it!
And the bridesmaid dress!

Is your DH a groomsman?

Why hasn't DH queried the fact he's paying for the outfits that the bride and groom should be paying for?

Very bad form. They should be paying for the outfits for the wedding party.

That’s completely out of order

Your DH needs to push back on this

In America, bridesmaids/groomsmen have to pay, but up until recently, this was not the norm in Britain! I think it's fine to say people can wear a dress or suit in a standard colour, but to expect people to buy a dress/suit they'll never wear again is not on. Cash gift-that's fair enough.

Outfits - either the couple pays or you wear a suitable outfit you own already.
Hotel - your choice to either spend the money for a relaxed weekend or drive before/after the wedding.

They have made it clear they have a rehersal and dinner the night before. Sigh

Couldn't you just get up super early and drive to the wedding on the day?

I went to a wedding which was two hours away a few years ago and just went there and back in a day and chose not too drink. There's no way I'd stay two nights for a wedding that close.

Just tell them you can't afford it and you'll have to miss the dinner the night before. Anyone reasonable will understand.

The cost of the suits is crazy! Can your DH ask if they can hire suits?

Similarly, if the couple aren’t paying for your DD’s flower girl’s dress, can you borrow/hire a dress for her?

Can you wear something you already have?

That is a huge financial imposition on a young family, would you have agreed to the roles if you’d known the cost?

We just asked our groomsmen to wear a navy suit they had or similar dark colour, no expectation for them to buy anything, we gave them all the ties/pocket squares etc....

We bought the bridesmaid dresses

Suits for your ds', if you really want them in sutis, I'd suggest vinted, so many children & teen suits on there that have only been worn once etc...

Hotel wise, I live rurally so a two hour drive isn't that unusual & we would probably drive for a rehearsal meal, drive home & then back early the next morning. Plus one of us not drink & drive back after the wedding. So I think that is your personal choice & it's up to you how important it is to spend money on a hotel.

I’d push back hard. A cheerful no to buying a suit. Don’t drink, leave early so it’s one night only. Just make a plan that suits your budget and breeze past the rest.

Fucks sake.

I always say this on wedding threads, but why are some people so fucking deluded that they think they are the centre of the universe, and that everyone they know gives a shit they are getting married and wants to spend money to watch them do it?

Absolute fucking madness.

That’s insane! Afaik the rule is if the bride and groom are mandating anything (outfits, shoes, accessories, hair, make up etc.) then they pay. Anything else is taking the piss. I’ve been married twice and this was the approach I took at both my weddings.

DH should message back and ask if it’s possible to hire the suit rather than buying it. That’s an insane amount for a suit he will only wear once.

I would say no to paying for Dh suit - £368 is madness. I have never paid a flowerdress - if they want a special dress they provide it. Shoes for a flowergirl? - doesn't she have shoes already which are just fine?
Suits for young boys? Why? No way I would fork out. My dress and shoes wouldn't be new.

Why an early start? At what time?

Tbh I wouldn't be keen to attend.

I'd text and ask if they are fucking serious .....if they want specific outfits and at the rehearsals then they pay.

I think its a massive piss take but its your husband's best friend so what does he think?