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Original poster

My father got engaged 5 weeks after me!

40 replies

Furryguineapig · 21/02/2026 14:06

My father got engaged 5 weeks after me. At the time it felt that he was stealing my thunder a bit and couldn’t let me have my moment. He also didn’t receive the reaction from friends and family he was hoping for so initially said that he wouldn’t get married until after my wedding. However, out of the blue he has now informed me they have decided to get married 6 months before me. I’m struggling to understand my feelings, why am i so hurt?

It’s worth pointing out they have been together for 25 years and I do not have a good relationship with my step-mum to be.

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 21/02/2026 14:09

All you can control here is how you react, so id just try to be nonchalant and not care.

Your engagement no doubt triggered the conversation between them…

2chocolateoranges · 21/02/2026 14:15

Don’t react, rise above it.

some people just love the attention.

my own sibling had been engaged for years and when dh and I announced our engagement and had decided to get married months later my sibling and his partner were then in a huge rush to get married, they got married at the same venue as us only 3 months after us, then when we announced our pregnancy after saying they were definitely having no more children , they announced theirs!

my brother wife finds life a huge competition. I just don’t react as I know that’s what she’s looking for.

DappledThings · 21/02/2026 14:16

99% of the time any talk of having thunder stolen is absolute nonsense. Unless your dad is planning on getting married in the same place on the same weekend it's a separate event that neither reflects you or should affect you in the least.

HeddaGarbled · 21/02/2026 14:17

I expect they’ll be having a very different sort of wedding to you so try not to think of it as stealing your thunder. Especially as 6 months is a big gap.

Try not to be too Bridezilla about this. Obviously your wedding is a big deal to you but it’s not that big a deal to your friends and family and they can’t be expected to put their own lives on hold for the next year or so.

Sidge · 21/02/2026 14:22

You’d had your moment - his engagement came over a month later!

And marrying six months before you? It’s not like it’s the weekend before. In the nicest possible way, get over yourself.

Both you and your fiancé, and your dad and his fiancée can plan and enjoy their respective weddings and your guests will be thrilled too I’m sure.

I suspect your feelings are related to your relationship with your stepmum, so try and be mature and rise above it and celebrate the fact your dad has a long term meaningful relationship with someone he loves.

campingwidow · 21/02/2026 14:27

MIL did this, got engaged 3 months after us, to a man she’d been with for about a year or so. We’ve now been married 8 years and they are still not married yet (with no intention I don’t think!).

user64788643122 · 21/02/2026 14:28

My sister did this. I was really bothered, couldn’t understand why and got really annoyed with myself. One of my aunts was furious about her stealing my thunder.

I started therapy years later, and one of the things I realised is that my sister had always got exactly what she wanted, I was made to compromise a lot, share everything I had with her, and there was a lot of cost to me.
I don’t know why you feel like this, but I’d be interested to know if your relationship with your dad was affected by his relationship with her. That’s probably where the answer is.

Musicaltheatremum · 21/02/2026 14:41

People will have forgotten his wedding by the time they get to yours. 6 months is a long time.
My daughter announced her engagement 2 weeks before my wedding, it was lovely, I even announced it to all our guests at our wedding. Made me very happy.

helpfulperson · 21/02/2026 14:43

When are you planning to get married? If your wedding isn't for a couple of years when would you deem it appropriate for them to get married.

Starlight7080 · 21/02/2026 14:44

HeddaGarbled · 21/02/2026 14:17

I expect they’ll be having a very different sort of wedding to you so try not to think of it as stealing your thunder. Especially as 6 months is a big gap.

Try not to be too Bridezilla about this. Obviously your wedding is a big deal to you but it’s not that big a deal to your friends and family and they can’t be expected to put their own lives on hold for the next year or so.

Exactly! How long should they wait ? A year after you get married 2 ? Why is it such a big deal. We are all on our own paths. And getting married is normal. No matter how long they have been together. Have you spoken to him and asked why now? Maybe they have reasons you dont know about .

BananaPeels · 21/02/2026 14:44

what would be the minimum amount of time that they could get married from you to be acceptable?

StedSarandos · 21/02/2026 14:50

You are being really weird about this. Your wedding and his wedding are totally different events.

goz · 21/02/2026 14:51

5 weeks later and it’s stealing your thunder?! Jesus is he not allowed a birthday in the same year as yours either?

CloakedInGucci · 21/02/2026 14:51

5 weeks later? How much of “your moment” did you want?

And 6 months is ages!

LittleBearPad · 21/02/2026 14:52

I think you’re being a bit dramatic

HeadyLamarr · 21/02/2026 14:52

I did this to my brother and SIL and she took the hump as well.

Their wedding was planned for over a year. We decided to get married on our 'got together' anniversary which was 4 weeks before their wedding. We'd been together 20 years.

We picked that date as we wanted to keep 'our anniversary' as the same day we'd always celebrated. It was a low key affair at the registrar's office. I didn't even have a wedding dress.

Brother and SIL was in a stately home. But she was cross that she wasn't "the bride" first, apparently. Despite her wedding having multiple bridesmaids and the whole white wedding shebang, my trip to the registry office "took the shine off."

It seems crazy to me to object when they are totally different affairs and no one is stealing anyone's thunder.

Morepositivemum · 21/02/2026 14:55

When people get engaged I find a lot of people start having the future conversation/ it will start them thinking/ getting excited . A lot of people will say they’re narcissistic etc but I honestly think these things just happen.

Fizbosshoes · 21/02/2026 15:00

Presumably your wedding is booked pretty far in advance if they have time to plan and have a wedding 6 months before yours.

Older people might choose to more quickly if its simpler event, and/or they are doing it to protect inheritance etc...

Positivepositron · 21/02/2026 15:02

2chocolateoranges · 21/02/2026 14:15

Don’t react, rise above it.

some people just love the attention.

my own sibling had been engaged for years and when dh and I announced our engagement and had decided to get married months later my sibling and his partner were then in a huge rush to get married, they got married at the same venue as us only 3 months after us, then when we announced our pregnancy after saying they were definitely having no more children , they announced theirs!

my brother wife finds life a huge competition. I just don’t react as I know that’s what she’s looking for.

But they must already have been pregnant to be able to announce at the same time, so hardly copying.

Am glad most responses are in agreement that the OP is being silly.

Ifyounevergiveup · 21/02/2026 15:16

Hang on a minute, OP didn’t ask IF she should be upset. She said she IS upset and is struggling to understand why. I second the suggestion of therapy. In my experience, if your feelings surprise you like this has the OP, it’s almost always something you just aren’t going to be able to unearth and explain on your own. I’ve had therapy twice, each time for the grand total of one hour, and each session genuinely did change my world view. The best couple of hundred quid I spent on anything, ever. Well done for your insight, OP, go find someone professional you can chat to for an hour or so and I pretty much guarantee it’ll give you (or rather, with help YOU will give you) the answers you’re looking for ❤️

DaisyChain505 · 21/02/2026 15:33

I’ve never understood the whole stealing thunder situation when it comes to engagements and weddings.

someone else also deciding to get married doesn’t take anything away from your wedding and love and commitment unless they’re booking it for the same day!

2chocolateoranges · 21/02/2026 16:01

Positivepositron · 21/02/2026 15:02

But they must already have been pregnant to be able to announce at the same time, so hardly copying.

Am glad most responses are in agreement that the OP is being silly.

Show quote history

No there were a few months between each announcement. They announced theirs the month our baby was due

i think unless you’ve been in a situation whereby your sibling and partner always has to have what you have, get what they want and copies everything you do, then you can’t understand my situation. They can’t make their own decisions and hate anyone having something different from them. It just gets a bit tedious.

the two examples I gave are only a small amount that has happened, so much so that most of the family have distanced themselves from my sibling and his wife, including their adult children.

stopthemud · 21/02/2026 16:02

My sister announced she was pregnant at my wedding. We have never got on. I cut her off once I left home at 17, only invited her to the wedding as my mother begged. Some people. You can control your reaction. Rise above it and congratulations! Don't give them a thought.

WhereIsMyLight · 21/02/2026 16:13

The idea that they are stealing your thunder only works if joy is finite and they use it all up. Thats not the case. People are thrilled with any chance to celebrate. Especially at the moment. It doesn’t steal from your joy, there is more than enough joy for everyone.

Sometimes couples were always going to get engaged/married in that timeline anyway. If someone else getting engaged triggers the conversation in your own relationship and something actually happening, it says more about that relationship than yours. If they have been together for 25 years I’d say it’s the latter. Also, you’re an adult. You don’t need to call her your step-mum, you can just call her your dad’s wife when referencing her or just her name to people who know who she is.

HeddaGarbled · 21/02/2026 19:58

@WhereIsMyLight

The idea that they are stealing your thunder only works if joy is finite and they use it all up. Thats not the case

What a brilliant attitude.