Indian Wedding in Scotland- advice!

[weddingscot]

Just got engaged to an Indian man and we want to get married anywhere in Scotland that's more rural and not near Glasgow (traumatic experience there).

We would like to have an indian wedding but are worried about costs. It would be over 2-3 days and his family have high expectations for standards. They are footing the bill but anything from their budget that isn't spent goes to a deposit on a home for us. We are struggling with choosing a tiny guest list of 18 people. Or larger one of 110. There really is no inbetween with his family as soon as you invite outside the core family, the whole family need to be invited, then we have to match that on my side too. His family are begging us for the 110. His family live in India.

We are looking at options for both. Has anyone had an indian wedding in the UK, and what were the costs, venue and how did you keep them down? Any advice would be great.

Not very experienced but hoping that others come along who are.

My first thought would be to have the big wedding but to do it in India, might it be cheaper?

@PermanentTemporary it would be in theory, but the family would demand a 5 star hotel and all the extras, whereas if we did it in the UK we could get away with cheaper options as we could have a hybrid. Also if we did it in India, the guest list would be 300

C. 50k for 100 guests about 5 years ago for similar in the midlands

bear in mind Indian guests tend to gift £100 a head for friends, more for close family which helps with the cost

I don’t think you need to match all your fiancés guests though

@satsumas26 thank you so much for your response. if you don't mind me asking... how many days was it? were these covid prices? did you pay for accommodation for people, that seems to be the norm in partners family? What star of accommodation was this.

Basically I am trying to gage whether I can replicate with this sort of budget what would suit my in-laws

This was 2018

cost is for a few events held at home (mehndi & family party mainly)

then wedding ceremony & reception in a hotel

budget includes outfits etc

For accommodation: for family weddings it has been the norm for relatives to stay in our family home (and some neighbours kindly hosted). I was a sibling and booked a few premier inn rooms so my siblings and I had somewhere to sleep as our childhood bedrooms would be occupied

It would be very usual to arrange & pay for accommodation for visiting relatives (and I have had a room paid for me at a friend’s wedding in India)

What is the part of India your fiancée is from, and his religion? Also is he the first sibling to marry (if so his parents probably want a bigger wedding to repay hospitality they have had)

Your fiancés family are being very generous, it would be the norm for the brides parents to pay for more than 50% of costs

It is normal to have a pre-wedding party (sangeet - this could be at home or a venue), the wedding the next day in a venue and reception that night same venue

110 is small for an Asian wedding, 300 is quite usual, my family have had circa 150 so similar scale to yours

To me, to have a wedding of 18 only and not invite family implied that your fiancés family don’t approve of the marriage/you don’t want a relationship with his wider family so I would not suggest that

It’s tough to cut costs but I could suggest:
no pre-wedding party (or have them at home)
marry in the afternoon so it’s 1 big meal then reception
trim the guest list a bit
find a venue close to your fiancé’s parents so his family and their friends go home which will cut your accommodation costs
you could also rent an Airbnb for guests instead if a hotel if cheaper

Hi maybe I can help x so Indian weddings are usually over multiple days multiple functions to save costs I would cut one function out and combine another x

@satsumas26 he's from the north and Hindu. I am white so my parents have a £2k contribution planned for my wedding. The in laws were disappointed but ultimately still want a big wedding. He will be the second sibling to marry but first outside of India. There is no family home where we have the wedding. My parents are divorced and live in opposite ends of the UK and my partner and I live in a tiny flat in Scotland.

I thought of maybe skipping the Mehendi or doing it with such a tiny group a few days before the wedding of core family.

DP whole family will be flying in from India. While having an Indian wedding would be an option my partner really doesn't want it. His sibling got married in India a costs spiralled out of control and went triple the original budget. If it's in India we lose all control, if it's here we at least have control over the budget.

They would want the Sangeet at the venue as they would want a professional set up and stage. We would also need to squeeze in the Telban, Haldi, Bharats, wedding ceremony and Pooja into a couple of days.

Your wedding is likely to spiral out of control cost wise 🫣

I am planning my own interfaith Hindu wedding and planning to skip a number of the events to keep costs down

I think you should visit venues and price everything out, then present your decision and crucially get their contribution in hand before issuing invitations and plans

it would be VERY culturally normal for his family to request lots of changes that add costs and expect you to foot the bill so be wary

Many events (sangeet, mendhi etc) are more cultural than religious and so can be skipped

Do you even want a big Hindu wedding? My fiancé wants both of our cultures represented equally so we are having a compromise… think about what you want not just what your in laws expect

Congratulations on your wedding!

he wants Scottish elements but is easy going and I want a Hindu. I'm the white one and hes the Hindu. So we're taking the fun bits from both and doing a few poojas to please the in-laws. So he really wants traditional Scottish hand fastening at some point, as well as a ceilidh dance, other than that it will be a Hindu wedding. They will be footing the whole bill and are lovely but also opinionated. They are allowing us to keep everything that isn't spent in the budget for a deposit but I know they want to spend it all on the wedding

Lots of nice and cheap places around Inverness

thats really good to know thank you @Unexpectedlysinglemum why are they cheap? are they nice?

Look at venues that do not have a civil wedding licence then either book a church ceremony (perhaps with piper) or a registry office potentially a few days before with just witnesses. If a venue isn’t licenced they usually considerably cheaper. Other ways to cut costs are to have the events on a Sunday , Monday and Tuesday, better still only 2 days, rent airbnbs or local hotel negotiating the rate etc. I think having a Scottish element in the church and piper then a full on Indian style party might be such a talking point they have forgotten you didn’t have all the associated events, or paired down versions

How much roughly do you have to spend? Can then help with suggestions

we don't know but expect based on hints and suggestions that the total budget over £100k. This is normal for Indian weddings. We would want to spend as little as possible on the wedding and keep the most for the deposit. However, the in laws may insist on paying for all the Indian relatives flights etc

Check out Fingask castle, in Rait, Perthshire. It’s rural and a family run venue so much cheaper than a lot of the others. I got married there in 2019, we stayed all weekend with all our guests and they were really relaxed about incorporating both Scottish and Asian traditions
https://www.fingaskcastle.co.uk

@gototogogives good suggestions

My sisters had a registry office wedding a few weeks before Hindu wedding: if you are happy with that it is one less thing to squeeze in when guests are in town

I enjoyed a documentary series on BBC Scotland a couple of years ago called Getting Hitched Asian Style. It’s probably available on Iplayer and YouTube.

It followed a company of Asian wedding planners and showed all the planning, preparations and traditions of several couples. Right through from the early stages to the actual wedding day. Some of the weddings were inter faith. Although the company were based in Glasgow the ceremonies were in various parts of Scotland.

I can remember the name of the wedding planners company but maybe I shouldn’t mention on here. But I’m sure if you google the programme name you’d find it easy enough. Maybe they’d be able to give you some helpful advice?

In Scotland it's the celebrant that is licensed not the venue. You can hold a wedding anywhere you like, hotel, beach, up a mountain or in your living room.

Congratulations. Very generous of his parents to stump up 100k. However im concerned about costs. How many of the 110 guests need flights and accomidation paying for? How much of the 100k budget will that cover?

Isn't Gretna Green nearby?

I wouldn't be marrrying anyone in your circumstantes.

Unless you want to live with in-laws.

Having slept on this: I think you should (through your fiancée) talk to your in laws about expectations

In the UK, families tend to do many of the smaller events at home and then hire a hall for 1 day, or at most the sangeet then the wedding and reception

You could hire an Airbnb for the home ceremonies (which are not parties) for the close family of 18 only

Its more expensive to have a wedding in the UK than in India so Asian weddings are scaled back vs here

If the family want to pay for accommodation and flights for a large number of guests, then you both going to India might just be better: if the grooms parents are paying then they can arrange and pay and you just turn up

Otherwise have a scaled back Asian wedding, 110 guests , 1 day of ceremony & reception, but understand what budget you have for that minus flights & accommodation

Get the guest list together

Look now for a venue, and local airbnbs for hosting guests to understand what the costs would be (including flight costs). If a flight is eg £400 for multiple guests your budget won’t go far

Btw: I have always paid my own flights to India /elsewhere for family weddings (same when family come to ours) and usually stay in family’s home with them (or other relatives). So push back on flights coming out of your budget /let the family take what they need for flights out

You CAN have a nice Asian wedding with events etc for 110 on much less than 100k, start mapping it out and then decide

@ForPinkDuck I really don't know but they are very generous people and will offer to lots of people even though most wont accept

@satsumas26 the truth is, if we have the larger guest list the budget is out the window and spent. even if I try and control it I know my mother in law will just find ways to spend it out of excitment

there used to be a programme on BBC Scotland called "getting hitched Asian style" which might give you some inspiration but sadly it's no longer available on iplayer. Maybe try Netflix or Prime if you have them? I seem to recall a lot were Glasgow based but one couple used Edinburgh Academy for some of their celebrations and I think the same couple also had a scottish day and a ceilidh at The Hub near the castle.
I'd elope ;)