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Original poster

Bridesmaid conundrum

42 replies

worriedmammy1992 · 10/08/2025 23:08

A bit of a first world problem question.

I have 4 best friends and I’d like them all to be bridesmaids but due to various reasons, money for hair, make up and outfits is a lot. Also our venue is very small so it would be just super crowded as we have went full capacity.

I think it would mean a lot to them to have the ‘title’ and I’d still love them to be involved with the morning of and get pictures etc, so would it be acceptable to say to them I’d love them to be bridesmaids but I’d love them to come dressed as they please and not walk down the aisle with me etc?

standing with my partner and I is our two best people and our kids.

ultimately they’re my friends and I know them well enough I think this will be okay with them but I’d like some other thoughts and opinions if anyone has any thoughts they’d like to share if their friend said this to them.

OP posts:
sashh · 11/08/2025 03:48

Have the children as bridesmaid / page / flower girl / boy.

Why not invite your friends to a morning 'get ready with champagne and nibbles'.

Oh and I don't know how old your children are but a plea from 9 year old bridesmaid me, please make sure they eat something before the wedding, it is a long day.

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 11/08/2025 05:59

Can't you just say you're not having a traditional wedding party but you'd love them to come and get dressed with you on the morning and spend that time together?

Mumdiva99 · 11/08/2025 06:13

So I am with you about not having too many bridesmaids. You don't need them. Your sister and child(ren) is enough.

Don't invite your friends in the morning of the wedding. You will be overwhelmed.

It will be stressful, cramped and too much.

Just tell them that you love them, but only your sister and daughter will be bridesmaids as it's a small wedding party. If you want them involved can they do a reading in the wedding? (I had a friend read and a cousin played music while we signed the register)
You can still have photos with your friends after - as you chose what pictures you want.

Don't be pressured into having them in a role to make them happy. This is your wedding. I think it is quite normal to just have a sister and child.

Yes it does mean that they might not organise a hen do for you. I just organised my own and invited my friends.

Cheesetoastiees · 11/08/2025 06:19

Honestly don’t overthink it. If you’d like them as bridesmaids and they think they are just have them. Let them walk down the aisle then they can sit and your sibling can stand if you want them to. Most weddings I’ve been to recently the bridesmaids sat anyway.
Explain your budget is tight so they can choose their own dress and get ready all together in the morning (it’s nice to have your friends with you before, gets you all excited!).
Weddings are overthought generally but if you’d like them to be bridesmaids and they want to be just have them. They don’t actually need to do much and can just support you on the day.

Sandyshandy · 11/08/2025 06:25

Most weddings I have been to have had a small child or two as a bridesmaid or perhaps a sister. Lots of grown up friends is ott imo, and what you want is very normal.

jyst tell them you are having a small wedding and your diss or whatever is bridesmaid. Ask them to do readings or something.

heroinechic · 11/08/2025 08:21

I had 6 adult bridesmaids (including MOH) and 3 child bridesmaids.

Only my MOH got ready with me that morning (at my request). My DH, DD (9 months at the time) stayed together the night before and spent the first couple of hours relaxing together.

I met my bridesmaids in a room at the venue a couple of hours before the ceremony and I got into my dress, we all drank champagne & had a laugh. They walked down the aisle but I reserved seats on the second row for them so no one was standing but DH and I.

I was a bridesmaid for my friend when I was 30 weeks pregnant and we all had to stay over the night before and wake up at 5:30 for hair. It was hectic and knackering!

namechangeGOT · 11/08/2025 09:44

I went to the loveliest wedding on Friday night. Couple have been together years and years. Bride had her daughter as bridesmaid and grooms best friend was his BM. Buffet and disco. 50 people. Nothing pretentious, no crisp walls or sweet stalls. Just a party and it was the best wedding I’ve been to for years!

CarpetKnees · 11/08/2025 16:10

worriedmammy1992 · 11/08/2025 01:10

Sorry, I’ve actually just realised the potentially most important piece of information I haven’t mentioned is they all assumed off the bat I was having and they would be bridesmaids (well two assumed they would be maid of honour) and I would love them to be if not for things I’ve mentioned. And whilst we are still working our budgets etc I have said to them we haven’t decided on it yet and so now I’m feeling pressed for an answer and I know if I say that we’re having an intimate bridal party they will be very disheartened, not enough to fall out but still that is my reasoning for looking for a bit of a compromise and so many things that are traditional seem to be more about the couples preferences rather than tradition and so I was hoping there may have been something like that for this.

ultimately of course, this is as I said a first world problem, I’m not too stressed over it, it’s just playing on my mind and if I say no bridesmaids we will all still be friends but I was just hoping there was maybe an alternative and this is probably information I should have put in my first post but brain fog 😶‍🌫️

I have said to them we haven’t decided on it yet

But why ? This is what is confusing them. Very simple to say "I'm only having my sister and my dd in the wedding party" then everyone is clear and they won't need to ask you again.

You've already said

but we want our bridal party as such to be intimate.

that I would find that many people overwhelming

So, even putting money aside for a minute, why on earth would you then ask more more people to be bridesmaids ? Confused
It is your day, not theirs. Arrange the day so that you are relaxed and happy.

SirStanley · 11/08/2025 20:45

Do people still do this nonsense 😂

Fiddy1964 · 12/08/2025 17:09

worriedmammy1992 · 11/08/2025 01:10

Sorry, I’ve actually just realised the potentially most important piece of information I haven’t mentioned is they all assumed off the bat I was having and they would be bridesmaids (well two assumed they would be maid of honour) and I would love them to be if not for things I’ve mentioned. And whilst we are still working our budgets etc I have said to them we haven’t decided on it yet and so now I’m feeling pressed for an answer and I know if I say that we’re having an intimate bridal party they will be very disheartened, not enough to fall out but still that is my reasoning for looking for a bit of a compromise and so many things that are traditional seem to be more about the couples preferences rather than tradition and so I was hoping there may have been something like that for this.

ultimately of course, this is as I said a first world problem, I’m not too stressed over it, it’s just playing on my mind and if I say no bridesmaids we will all still be friends but I was just hoping there was maybe an alternative and this is probably information I should have put in my first post but brain fog 😶‍🌫️

Depending on how many guests are coming to see you get married, your 4 best friends could be Usherettes. They could greet guests at the Church/Register Office/Venue where your getting married?. Ask the guests if on your family side or grooms abd show them to their seats accordingly. You could say to them that if they want to coordinate their outfits with each other that would give them unity as Usherettes.
They would play a role & feel part of the bridal party but not necessary for them to all gather with you and help you get ready.
Traditionally it would be male Ushers, but you & your friends could start a new trend.
Also wouldn't be necessary for them to carry bouquets.

lifeonthelane · 12/08/2025 17:15

Either pay for them or don't have them as bridesmaids. It's so expensive to be a bridesmaid, and there is nothing worse than being expected to pay for things the bride should be paying for. I paid for everything mine needed on the day (none of us had professional make up so that was a saving), I just found things which were in my budget even if it meant compromising somewhere.

CarpetKnees · 13/08/2025 00:10

Fiddy1964 · 12/08/2025 17:09

Depending on how many guests are coming to see you get married, your 4 best friends could be Usherettes. They could greet guests at the Church/Register Office/Venue where your getting married?. Ask the guests if on your family side or grooms abd show them to their seats accordingly. You could say to them that if they want to coordinate their outfits with each other that would give them unity as Usherettes.
They would play a role & feel part of the bridal party but not necessary for them to all gather with you and help you get ready.
Traditionally it would be male Ushers, but you & your friends could start a new trend.
Also wouldn't be necessary for them to carry bouquets.

Edited
Show quote history

Hardly new.

I was usher twice, over 35 years ago, and have been to other weddings where females have been ushers.

But it is good advice that different roles could be found if you want to OP.
Ushers
Doing some readings
Making a speech
Organising a hen do if you want one.

Fiddy1964 · 15/08/2025 06:57

CarpetKnees · 13/08/2025 00:10

Hardly new.

I was usher twice, over 35 years ago, and have been to other weddings where females have been ushers.

But it is good advice that different roles could be found if you want to OP.
Ushers
Doing some readings
Making a speech
Organising a hen do if you want one.

Show quote history

I have never been to a wedding where females were Ushers or heard from family or friends that they have been to weddings where there was female Ushers.
Therefor I thought I would suggest it.

Abracadabra12 · 15/08/2025 08:12

I would be delighted at the chance to be a friend’s bridesmaid without having to wear a stupid matching dress

Amby99 · 15/08/2025 08:14

Silvertulips · 10/08/2025 23:11

Bridesmaids in name only?

You can get cheap dresses and they can pay for their own hair and makeup - or do their own.

Just explain that it’s a small wedding and we can stretch to the full cost of everything

I agree with this! I only paid for my bridesmaids dresses, partly because of ££ but also I’ve got a church ceronomy at 11:00 which is super early and I think it would be very stressful getting the 4 of us all ready at the same time so I just suggested they do their own hair and make up!

i am SURE they will more than understand X

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