Dogs at a Wedding

[KateCookson]

My daughter recently got engaged and is planning her wedding. Her future husband has said he's not bothered about getting married "it's just a piece of paper" but that she can have whatever she wants - big or small. They have a small dog they want to include at the ceremony (not thrilled at the idea as the dog isn't well trained, but fine; it's what they want). Now future son-in-law says that his whole family will also be bringing their dogs as well - all large breeds including a German Shepherd who will be about a year old at the time they are planning the wedding ie a young lively dog. Having been bitten by a German Shepherd as a child and nervous around big dogs I'm not happy about the situation. I did a lot of research on venues in the belief it would be helpful (my daughter has a new and stressful job) but accepted the choice would be theirs, not mine and was prepared to pay a big chunk of the wedding bill. My husband has already said to them that we won't be comfortable at a wedding with lots of dogs (my daughter's dog bit him as a puppy and he needed tetanus/antibiotics etc) but my future son-in-law insists that they are part of the family.
I read a lot of posts here about 'interfering/controlling' in-laws and I guess that's how my future son-in-law sees me. I might add that my husband and I gave £40,000 to them as a deposit for the house, my daughter put in £30,000 from her savings and my son-in-law put in a big fat zero yet the house is owned by them jointly. I get that entitles me to nothing as it was a 'gift' but how about a little bit of respect (a thank you also might be nice!) Why can't his parents/siblings get a dog minder for their dogs for a day? Am I being unreasonable? Is it better to say nothing more and just let them get on and stay out of any organising (going to add that my daughter suffers from anxiety, and will struggle with researching/organising on her own) and just let them pay for it?

It’s their wedding and their choice. Not sure why it’s still on your radar to debate to be honest.

Because bringing dogs to a wedding is not normal or the status quo. Dogs should only be brought to human events when everyone is comfortable with it. It will not just be the OP who does not feel comfortable around the dogs. The daughter is taking the significant risk of making her guests uncomfortable and making for a not very fun party. The whole thing sounds like complete chaos - it’s going to be a disaster.

I’d argue there’d be nothing worse than looking around on your own wedding day, a day you only get once, and realising that actually you’ve compromised and changed it to suit other people rather than doing what works for you and really reflects you as a couple- and being £20k+ down for the privilege.

We’ve seen some crazy things at weddings, things I’d never have done at my own, but things that suited that couple perfectly and clearly made them really happy. We don’t have to agree with it, it’s not about us. I have dogs and love dogs but couldn’t think of much worse than taking mine to a wedding but if we were invited to a wedding next week with dogs trotting everybody down the aisle I’d never dream of saying anything negative- not my day.

Who decides what is “normal”? And why does every wedding have to be “normal”? Traditions change, that’s life and that’s healthy. Not so long ago same sex couples couldn’t marry, that wasn’t “normal” or the status quo- things change. Normal & the status quo was that all weddings were in churches, that certainly isn’t the case now with lots getting married in hotels or restaurants or gardens even- life changes.

It’s not up to OP, or us, the only people who’s opinions matter is the two people getting married that day.

Are you for real? She’s the bride’s mother! And she’s concerned. Of course it’s on her ‘radar’. 🙄

@Mrsttcno1 you seem to have forgotten that having a traditional wedding means that you are hosting a social event. If you want to do whatever you like that’s fine but you shouldn’t invite other people if that’s the case.

Nobody seems to know how to host anymore - cash bars, standing around with guests being bored for hours, impractical locations, cutting corners on the food…and now inflicting dogs upon people.

Dogs at weddings is so weird like how does that even work. Are they just running around barking and shitting everywhere during the vows jumping up on the bride and guests while everyone is dressed up. Then are they there when everyone is eating. What about the evening do is everyone going to leave early as they have to take their dogs home or are they planning on getting pissed and dancing until 2 why everyone trips over the dogs. Are dogs even allowed in the venues they've chosen. I just dont understand how it would work

😂 someone ring the police people are deciding to get married in a way that they choose

@Mrsttcno1 it’s just symptomatic of how self absorbed our society has become. Everyone is out for what works for them, what they can get and what they would prefer. Then they complain when they fall out with people or don’t have a village. Weddings are sadly one example these days, dog owners are another. It’s a shame the OP is now being forced to experience the worst kind of both types of people.

Maybe you need to talk to your daughter about the logistics of all of this:
Do the dogs get along?
Will there be small children and are the dogs good with children?
Will they be at the wedding ceremony and the venue afterwards?
Are the owners responsible enough not to get legless and let them off their leads?

To me it sounds like a recipe for disaster because one dog can be unpredictable so several dogs in a new situation with loads of people, including children and copious amounts of alcohol multiplies the possibility of trouble.

I'm a dog lover but would definitely be on edge in this situation.

I mean I’d argue that people who are self absorbed probably wouldn’t spent £25k+ hosting & feeding other people for the day, and they certainly don’t do that thinking of what they get which is very nowhere near what they’ve spent.

And if you’re spending that kind of money, of course you do what works for you.

Either way, what anybody here thinks, or OP, is irrelevant. If they want dogs there then they’ll have dogs there, end of really.

I think the money is a totally separate issue and unrelated to dogs at the wedding.

I absolutely love dogs and the thought of loads of dogs at a wedding fills me with joy.

But if my child was planning a wedding like this (or going along with someone else planning it), I would be worried. My Mum was afraid of dogs (especially German Shepherds as it happens, as she was bitten quite badly by one when she was working as a delivery driver as a young woman). And I know others who are scared or wary of dogs, and others who are allergic. I think the rights and needs of guests who are afraid/allergic trump the rights and needs of dog-loving guests because a person who has a phobia or allergy cannot erase that for the wedding day, whereas dog lovers can cope without dogs for a day.

It’s totally their choice as it’s their day, but they might have to accept the possibility that some guests will decline for their own good reasons.

Agree. It’s creepy and misogynistic to think daughter can’t be trusted or have privacy.

I read things like this and think the world has truly gone mad. I find the idea of the bride of groom's dog at a wedding ridiculous enough but now it's guests too. All that aside, this soon to be son in law sounds an oaf, a bully, a control freak and a user. OP, I would be far more worried about the marriage and your daughters well being than the day itself however God awful it sounds. In the short term don't dare pay towards it, in the medium term, I'd be thinking very hard about how to get her out of this relationship.

I’d argue there’d be nothing worse than looking around on your own wedding day, a day you only get once, and realising that actually you’ve compromised and changed it to suit other people rather than doing what works for you and really reflects you as a couple

Whereas I'd argue that me ensuring my guests were comfortable and happy and able to enjoy the occasion meant that we had a lovely day. Looking round and remembering that Aunt Beryl hadn't come because of my selfishness or that my own father was on tenterhooks all day because of my selfishness wouldn't have made me feel happy at all.

I think it’s mad to invite all the dogs - I love dogs, I have one - but if that’s what my daughter wanted I would question it once and that would be it. It’s her daughter’s wedding and her daughter knows the dogs so it’s totally her call. As a mum I wouldn’t be trying to change it to what I want.

I know dog friendly hotels are on the rise but I find it hard to believe any wedding venue would be ok with multiple dogs attending. Ive seen alot of weddings where the couples dog is brought along to be ring bearer or for photos but usually its just for an hour or two and then the dog is removed.
So many problems here, not all dogs are going to mix well with each other, how will they behave around food and could be a tripping hazard to servers. Not to mention toileting accidents that can happen if theyre not being brought out regularly, trickier if alcohol is involved etc.

The problem might honestly resolve itself if they cant find a willing venue!

Wtf. I knew this would happen eventually. Good God, stop the earth I want to get off!!! Their wedding their choice, although it sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Dogs at a wedding, ffs 🤦‍♀️

that’s ridiculous.

if I were you I’d say nothing and contribute nothing.

Sounds like without you footing the bill it’s going to fall apart / not happen anyway.

worst case scenario they have their ridiculous dog wedding, you just turn up for the day and grin and bear it.

But for now, don’t say anything or be critical, they’ll just use it as ammunition. Just let them get on with it.

Our dog came to our wedding.

Firstly she doesn't bark constantly and doesn't shit everywhere because training.

But for us she came straight after the ceremony, stayed for a few hours for the photos then when we went to sit down for food she went with the dog sitter back home. We told our guests ahead of time that she would be there so there were no surprises on the day.

Our venue had quite spacious grounds so the two people who were uncomfortable with dogs took themselves inside, everyone else made the choice to stay and make a fuss of her. We got married in December so people then gradually drifted back inside, she was allowed in certain parts of the venue as well.

She was incredibly well behaved...in contrast to some of the young children who were invited who were indeed screaming, running around and tripping people up.

Surely you can understand that a professional dog sitter, bringing one dog, and one dog that was well trained at that, for a couple of hours is so different from the OP's situation where the whole family are bringing a whole range of dogs and think they can stay for the whole of the wedding, that the fact your one, well trained dog was brought for a couple of hours accompanied by a professional there, just to look after it ?

But thats not even close to what op has described

Thanks.
I'm just sick of dogs being everywhere ...
LEAVE THEM AT HOME for a few hours ...
GET A KENNEL (remember them?) ...
LEAVE THEM OUTSIDE ...
They are dogs, not small children.
They will be FINE.

Yes @StrongandNorthern why has everyone suddenly decided that they can’t put a dog in a kennel. It has to be a “dog sitter” or “doggy daycare”. It’s completely insane it’s a flipping dog!

With respect you’ve said you don’t think the money you gave entitles you to anything, yet you’ve mentioned it quite a lot in the context of not getting your own way at your daughter’s wedding. It sounds like you and your husband have anxiety around dogs - is that something you can work on so you can enjoy your daughter’s day?