Taking newborn to wedding

[ZanyPinkSeal]

I am currently pregnant and a very close friend of mine is getting married 3 weeks after my due date. I plan to go. But potentially baby will be 2 weeks if I’m late.

The venue is pretty far about 40 mins drive away and a mutual friend will be driving. I could get a hotel there but I just feel like I won’t be comfortable in a hotel with a new born and also I may want to go home early.

The thing I worry about already is that this is a friend not family but I have known her family a long time. I don’t know how I will feel about people wanting to hold the baby and my baby being passed around like a doll. Am I being abit OCD about this, or would you feel comfortable if people wanted to hold your baby that young? And I know they will as they have already mentioned it, they have said oh you can have a drink and there will be plenty of hands for the baby. Tbh I don’t think I will drink it will still be pretty early in to recovery for me. I plan to probably go to the ceremony and then the evening part but leave a little early.

I would go, drive and then come home early if you want to.

And get a sling! Google sling libraries - our local one does occasion slings in very fancy material and you can probably co-ordinate it with your outfit! Looks lovely, solves the problem of baby being passed around.

That’s such a good suggestion, thank you! x

Is this your first baby?

Yep

I was in exactly the same position and a friend who had recently had a baby said "you won't be going to that wedding". And I was like why not? Then I had the baby and realised ohhh ok I get it.

So OP I really don't think you're going to the wedding!

You don’t know what kind of birth you’ll have or how you’ll feel until baby is here and it’s nearer the time. You may have a straightforward birth and feel up to going or it may be the absolute last thing you want or even can do. Is your friend aware that you may need to cancel last minute if necessary, or only attend for a short period?

If you do feel up to going I’d not be passing the baby round as they’ll not have had any immunisations yet and people who have been drinking will be less careful with hand hygiene, handling, respecting your boundaries and so on. Wear baby in a sling as much as possible and don’t be afraid to tell people not to touch if you don’t want them to.

I went to a wedding with my 2 week old. It was lovely. She was so quiet. No one held her apart from me, her dad and one friend of mine who I was happy to pass her to for a toilet break. I had a sling and a small foldable lie flat pushchair which I didn’t use beyond hauling my change bag round. This was baby 3 for me so I maybe felt a bit more confident but if you are healing well it can be done. We stayed all day till about 10pm. I didn’t drink beyond a toast glass of fizz that I didn’t finish. Just speak to your friend and make sure she knows you want to be there but may have to duck out. Baby can come 2 weeks late so it could be very early days.

Have you talked to the bride? DD was a c section so no driving and no way could I have gone.

DS I was at Chessington World of Adventures 2 weeks after he was born so that would have been fine

What? Why?!

Get a sling OP. And drive yourself there so you can leave early if you want to. Nobody is going to begrudge you showing your face for just a couple of hours!

Is the person driving you willing to leave when you do?

DS was nocturnal for the first few days at home, slept all day and then up all night! Then began to switch a bit but had the witching hour early evening when wouldn’t settle, and could be loud!

Some babies hate car seats so might not travel well.

Can be a bit of a bloodbath for a bit of time afterwards so need to choose your outfit wisely.

Some people (and babies) can be up for anything soon after birth, others not so much. And you won’t know what camp you or your baby will be in until they are here.

Did you have people ask to hold her? And if so how did your respond 😬

That makes sense, tbh bride is a mom of 2 and I know she gets it! But I’m really hopeful to go very close friends of 28 years. Even if it’s for a few hours

Not really. If baby’s nice and settled in sling or your arms I’d just say something like I don’t want to disturb them. When baby needed feeding and wasn’t settling I took them to a side room I’d found. Staff were really helpful - we arrived in good time so we could feed baby just before ceremony so they slept through it but it gave us chance to scout the venue for places to retreat and change facilities

I went to a wedding with my dd aged 5 weeks, was absolutely fine, but I wasn’t precious over letting people hold my dc, as I was the only person who could feed them I had plenty of 1:1 time (for 18 months per child). I sat on the end of the row at the side so i could easily slip out, even breastfed in the church

I think baby will be absolutely fine, probably just sleep! But I'd be more questioning whether you would be ok to go, if it was me there's no way I could've gone 2/3 weeks PP. I would plan to go but see how you feel!

I wouldn’t even consider going. People will want to hold your baby and it will make it all about you and your baby, which of course it’s not.

Do you really think people will want to hold your baby that much? They are there to enjoy themselves

Keep it fluid. You could go almost 2 weeks over and need an EMCS, and you won't want to go with your 1 week old, 1 week post major surgery. Equally you could deliver at 38 weeks and have a super easy birth and recovery and be ready to party with your 5 week old.

You need transport that allows you to arrive and leave when you want, and I'd say sling for baby but if have EMCS you may find it too uncomfortable for a couple weeks.

It’s perfectly doable, but you have absolutely no idea what state you’re gonna be in. So I don’t think you’ll need to tell your friend I am gonna have to play it by ear. A friend of mine got married when I was five weeks postpartum and I bailed out Because I was barely sleeping more than a few hours a night.

i would not have thought so but they have told me lol as I said in the post

I mean it won’t be about me in the slightest and that is not the aim, I am trying to be as low key as possible. I think my friend will be very upset if I don’t go and I say this is the reason. We have been close friends since for 28 years the timing is awkward I admit but I wouldn’t want to miss seeing one of my besties married. I’m sure if she felt this way she would vocalise it

At two weeks old and a 40 min drive then you’d need to be in the back, is your DP able to go with you and do the driving?

I would reconsider the hotel option, take some home comforts with you
Could work

I wouldn't want to rely on another person for transport