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Original poster

Will people think this is odd?

32 replies

Weddingbellsaringing · 26/05/2025 10:58

To me it sounds ok but a comment from SIL has got me thinking.

DP and I don't want a big fancy day. It's just not our style. So instead of a sit down wedding breakfast we are looking to do buffet and music in a local function room. We'll decorate it ourselves. There will be around 50 guests. However we would like the traditional church ceremony.

Would it be odd to have a church wedding followed by a casual low-key party after? My SIL seems to think that guests will expect a "proper" reception if it's after a church service, and that if we want a casual party then we should have the wedding in a registry office instead. Tell me she's crazy, with outdated ideas about weddings. Or is she right? I'm giving myself a headache overthinking it all. I just want a day I'll enjoy, but I also don't want to be secretly judged lol

OP posts:
TheFlis · 26/05/2025 11:00

She’s crazy. I have been to lots of formal weddings in churches followed by casual receptions. One was a big picnic in the parents garden, it was fantastic!

UpMyself · 26/05/2025 11:00

It's your wedding. Just make sure there is plenty of food. I think it sounds great.

EleanorReally · 26/05/2025 11:02

it sounds perfect
no one will expect a sit down meal

CurbsideProphet · 26/05/2025 11:02

A lovely big buffet sounds great to me!

ShaunaSadeki · 26/05/2025 11:03

This sounds so relaxed and lovely

Screamingabdabz · 26/05/2025 11:05

This is exactly what weddings used to be when I was growing up. Church wedding followed by a buffet and a disco in the church hall. I think it sounds perfect - much better than these overblown pretentious rentacrowd affairs - go for it op!

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/05/2025 11:05

One of the best weddings I went to was in the House of Commons chapel - extremely swanky and serious - followed by sandwiches on the boat on the river and a curry buffet at a scout hut the other side. It was fabulous!

FadedRed · 26/05/2025 11:06

There are no ‘rules’ about the type of reception after a wedding in church or In registry office. You do what you want, your SiL can do what she wants.
(Just ensure your guests don’t have to stand around hungry and thirsty while you have endless photographs taken, and that there is enough food for everyone to have a decent choice.)
Hope you have a lovely day!

Nametobechanged · 26/05/2025 11:06

It sounds lovely. I bet the buffet food will be a lot nicer than the mass cooked meals a lot of these fancy places put on too.

26dX · 26/05/2025 11:07

We’re doing a church wedding with a buffet / dj in a function room after! Not their wedding x

DelphiniumDoreen · 26/05/2025 11:08

Sound lovely.

Tell all the guests the plan in advance so that everyone knows what to expect. One wedding I went to once the ceremony was at 1pm and the buffet didn’t come out until about 8pm. I’d only had a banana since lunch and was totally starving. Very poorly planned.

Original poster
Weddingbellsaringing · 26/05/2025 11:09

Phew! Thank you all so much. I don't know why I started to worry when I knew full well that it would be ok.

Now I can get on with planning and ignoring any other opinions SIL might volunteer!

OP posts:
Original poster
Weddingbellsaringing · 26/05/2025 11:11

Don't worry there will be plenty of food. I'm from a family that has never under-catered for any event, big or small 😂

OP posts:
andtheworldrollson · 26/05/2025 11:13

It’s what we did and it was fantastic

we did it later in the day so we only had to manage one meal for people

there was tons of food left

GetOffTheCounter · 26/05/2025 11:14

I love the sound of that. Fun and relaxed. I wish we had done that! We did the fancy sit down thing. It was a bit boring and it was in the days when you offered men red meat and women chicken. A buffet is a MUCH better idea.

(I am from abroad and did not question either DH or the caterer who this was how it 'is done'. )

MadamePeriwinkle · 26/05/2025 11:14

It's fine. We had a church wedding, reception was at the school where my then DH worked, he was a chef so did the catering along with the other chef and the best man (also a chef!).
It was nice 'fork buffet'...cold meat, new potatoes, various salads, quiche etc and there were tables and chairs but it wasn't formal at all.
Most of our wedding was DIY and if I got married again I wouldn't do it any differently.

UseNailOil · 26/05/2025 11:16

Absolutely not odd! It sounds absolutely lovely - and exactly how weddings used to be.
Follow your own heart, wishes and instincts and I wish you a glorious celebration and all happiness ahead.

GetOffTheCounter · 26/05/2025 11:17

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/05/2025 11:05

One of the best weddings I went to was in the House of Commons chapel - extremely swanky and serious - followed by sandwiches on the boat on the river and a curry buffet at a scout hut the other side. It was fabulous!

Love it!. The best wedding I ever went to was one where bride and groom had met in AA so it was a dry wedding with a buffet sandwiches, sausage rolls and cakes. There were too many people and we were all squished into a little marquee (rained!) and the whole atmosphere was just wonderful as the B&G were so happy and everyone was thrilled for them.

It stands out in my memory because it was just a wonderful joyous affair.

TheyFuckYouUpYourMamAndDad · 26/05/2025 11:19

Ignore her! It sounds lovely 💖

Chewbecca · 26/05/2025 11:22

Yours is actually more traditional I would say, just what people used to do before wedding mania and bridezillas took over.

It sounds fab, have a great day!

JDM625 · 26/05/2025 11:23

I think its fine.

When you say not sit down, will there actually be tables/chairs for people to sit down and eat from?
When you say buffet, do you mean only finger food/hor d'oeuvres or proper food?

I ask, because we were at a wedding last year, very relaxed and similar vibe to yours. The venue though had a mix of bean bags, coffee tables, some taller tables with stools and only a hand full of proper tables/chairs. Only enough tables/chairs for about half the people to sit and it was a PITA in heels.

They'd catered with apparently double the amount of hor d'oeuvres, but we were all starving and got a take-away en-route home.

mumonthehill · 26/05/2025 11:26

We had a church wedding then a marquee in the garden and a buffet with no allocated seating but lots of tables and chairs. Loads of wine and pimms. Band then dj and it was all very relaxed. What you are doing sounds great.

KnewYearKnewMe · 26/05/2025 11:31

I don’t think it’s odd, but I think I would want you be clear on dress code, etc.

I would expect to really dress up for a Church wedding, so if that won’t fit in with your relaxed party after, I would be good to have some guidance.

EleanorReally · 26/05/2025 11:49

i dont think this changes the dress code at all

champagneplanet · 26/05/2025 12:02

I think it sounds great! The trend for ‘traditional’ over planned structured weddings has changed a lot. I considered other people’s opinions far too much for my own wedding, it was a fantastic day but there is a lot id do differently 14 years later.

The best weddings i’ve been to had plenty of food and drink, great music and lots of laughs, plus a happy relaxed couple.

If I could offer something constructive i’d say as it’s a buffet style/not a sit down meal just don’t serve it too late in the day. Enjoy!