Wedding guest dress dilemma

[Carpedimum]

My DSS is getting married soon, my DH is part of the wedding party and they’ve all been for a suit fitting… I was told that they’d be wearing x colour suits, but now they are y colour suits with matching z colour accessories to match the bridesmaids and z colour ‘theme’. My problem is that my dress is also z colour, really close in shade to the bridesmaids according to my DH & I’m inwardly screaming in frustration.
As you’d expect, the wedding will take some effort to smile all day - with my DH’s ex & all her family, the bride’s DPs aren’t easy going, it will be all very polite on the surface but all very awkward beneath. My DS & I are dreading it anyway but we just think it’s one day and we’re not main characters. That said, the last thing I want is to look like I’m trying to be one of the wedding party, or that I’ve tried to match the bridesmaids or the theme. I don’t know the style of the bridesmaids, but mine is one-shouldered and floaty, so it could be similar. I need a new outfit don’t I? 😩

I'm a bit confused. You've found out that the dress you've planned is the colour the bridesmaids' dresses will be?

I would wear a different dress if the shade is really similar.

Oh absolutely change it!! You don't want the stress of feeling 'the looks' of everyone throughout the day! 😆

I’d do a new outfit, but also change your attitude.

Nothing about why you don’t like the other people involved is relevant here, so that fancy that you’re taking the opportunity to bitch about them is quite nasty.

I would get a new outfit. Even if no one else cares you will feel awkward and that will make a stressful day more stressful.

Yes ,you need to stay away from the colour scheme and "floaty" .

I hear you @PlanetOtter this is absolutely on me about how I feel in the presence of people who are very judgemental & I get stressed out and yes judgemental in return, just human nature. I should have said that this is not my first rodeo with these people, so my stance is based on actual unpleasant experience. It’s relevant because I felt great in the dress, it is relatively plain, yet elegant and flattering, so I’m gutted that I’ve got to ditch it.
I need an outfit that will bolster my confidence and ideally blend into the background (anyone know where I can get an invisibility cloak?) I will flip my attitude, as my wise DS says, it’s just one day.

@Carpedimum have you checked if it comes in other colours? If you like the fit, maybe you can get another one in a different colour.

It is just a day he is right and you can hang out with your son for support, as a pp.said maybe another colour of thedress?

Can the dress be dyed?

Did it come in other colours?

can we see?

Rock up with a Harry Potter invisibility cloak. 🤣

could you dye the dress? Or is it available in other colours? You definitely will have to change the colour unfortunately.

How is your relationship with the bride? Can you not just pass on a picture of it to her and ask if it's OK?

I feel sorry for your stepson. It's his wedding, he's invited you and your son and you're both talking about how you're dreading it.

Well I don't think they are shouting it from the rooftops just talking amongst themselves, it does sound like the dynamics are not equal so I can see why they are apprehensive.

Is the dress you have available in another colour since you like the style of it?

a picture of the dress would really help - then we could look for similar

No but it will probably be clear to the groom on his wedding day if they're exchanging funny looks. If he'd not invited them I'm sure that would be a problem too

I disagree. It’s totally relevant. She’s basically saying ‘Look I’m not top dog here and as ‘the new wife’ the other guests will do anything to have a pop at me.’

If lovely great Auntie Sheila had the same colour dress it wouldn’t be an issue.

It’s totally relevant. She doesn’t want any excuse to rock the boat.

I'm sure it won't be visible to the bride or groom, I'm sure the OP is just making it clear why it's not as simple as 'nobody will mind! Just wear the original dress'. It all sounds a bit fraught.

Swap the dress. Then it's done and you don't have to think about it again.

Does it come in another colour? Some can be dyed but maybe try a tailor for advice rather a machine dye if expensive.

Agreed. And given the background “awkwardness” aka ill-will you have outlined, I’d stay away from off the shoulder too. Many think that’s inappropriate for a wedding, so if you really want a chilled day I’d keep it all very restrained. Plenty of other days to strut your stuff and wear exactly what you fancy.

I am sure the op and her son are mature enough not to throw "funny looks".

And anything sexy… which one shouldered could be perceived to be

Thanks everyone, I really do appreciate your views! As some posters have noted, it is very much nothing to rock the boat situation and no, we won’t be throwing funny looks, we don’t behave like that. Unfortunately the dress can’t be dyed or altered, nor is it made in other colours. I will find something else!
The bride & groom are lovely, our relationship is absolutely fine. Just one example in many of why I can’t completely relax in this situation: at the last wedding, DSS’s DG (his mum’s mum) who I had just met and she ignored my outreached hand, pointed me out to her DH (literally pointing at me with her arm outstretched from the aisle to the end of a pew about 7 metres away) saying loudly “THAT’S Carpedimum!” so I started to get up, smiling to greet him, but he looked me up & down, snorted at me and turned away! It was very rude in anyone’s book, very embarrassing, witnessed by many. My DH & his ex had long ended before we got together and she’s got a partner, so it’s not as if we had an affair and I’m the scarlet family-wrecking woman.

It sucks, but yep, you know what you’ve got to do.

can we help find another dress? It’s Sunday morning, I’ve got hay fever and enjoy a dress hunt.

Find a better one and thank the fucking Lord that you found out before turning up looking like a wannabe bridesmaid

Maybe ask the bride if she can show you the BM dresses to see if yours is similar?