Wedding guest dress dilemma

[Carpedimum]

My DSS is getting married soon, my DH is part of the wedding party and they’ve all been for a suit fitting… I was told that they’d be wearing x colour suits, but now they are y colour suits with matching z colour accessories to match the bridesmaids and z colour ‘theme’. My problem is that my dress is also z colour, really close in shade to the bridesmaids according to my DH & I’m inwardly screaming in frustration.
As you’d expect, the wedding will take some effort to smile all day - with my DH’s ex & all her family, the bride’s DPs aren’t easy going, it will be all very polite on the surface but all very awkward beneath. My DS & I are dreading it anyway but we just think it’s one day and we’re not main characters. That said, the last thing I want is to look like I’m trying to be one of the wedding party, or that I’ve tried to match the bridesmaids or the theme. I don’t know the style of the bridesmaids, but mine is one-shouldered and floaty, so it could be similar. I need a new outfit don’t I? 😩

Are the grandparents still around? I'd probably be really petty and give a big smile and wave when I saw them !

I'd keep the dress for another wedding; you will be able to wear it but not to this one. I'd go for a jumpsuit and heels. Good luck.

Ha! Oh yes, they’re going strong. If I feel confident on the day, I will be suitably polite and seemingly ebullient, I sort of feel like I need to be for my DH’s sake and I wouldn’t want to give them an inch of an idea that they make me feel like I’d rather be anywhere else. I’m one of those weird introverts that manages to wear an extrovert mask for work presentations, so this is a bit similar.
Dress wise, I’ve got a few weeks yet fortunately, so I’ll have a look around and come back for all your expertise if I need to.

Just smile and wave, It will be fine and what they think of you doesn't matter.

We shall await the commission!

That’s annoying, but yes, now they’ve changed the wedding party colours you need to buy another dress.

If it happens again and you find yourself needing to buy yet another new dress get a white one and a tiara 😂

OK fair enough (I was the poster who said I feel bad for your stepson). It's very stressful planning a wedding when your parents are split, and I feel bad for him if there's tension on the day, so I'd encourage anyone to try put it aside for one day. In fairness it sounds like you are trying to, hopefully everyone else will grow up too.

Re the dress, sounds like you might get stick whatever you wear lol, might as well wear what you feel confident in?

Although I ticked yes to change, if you get on well with the B and G, I would send B a pic of the dress and ask if colour is too similar

If your relationship is good just talk to the bride. If bridesmaid dresses were a lilac, my DH would tell me most shades of pale pink, purple and grey of all styles 'are virtually the same' as them. Send her a pic of it and say your DH said he thought looks similar to the bridesmaid dresses and ask her if that's the case so you can find another.

I think just deal with it as if you're going to anyone's wedding and you've just found out that the dress you had in mind to wear was going to be really similar to the bridesmaid's'/wedding theme colour and it would feel awkard.

You'd just choose another dress, try to take the weight of the family nonsense out of it. It's shit for all when there's a messy family situation in these big family days, just take the heat out of it as much as possible, dial down the animosity and choose another frock you really like.

I'd get a scarlett dress and blow the grandparents a kiss when I saw them

If you've time, can you pop to a large department store that has a personal shopper and explain you want to look drop dead gorgeous but NOT in lilac or whatever the colour is.

My own experience has been very good.