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Original poster

Is there a polite way to uninvite someone from a wedding ?

33 replies

Crazyworldmum · 26/04/2025 20:10

We are getting married in August , been planning it since last march and invites where send at that time as it’s a wedding abroad ( our home country but lots of family and friends live like us in the uk ) .
Our wedding has around 90 people all very important to us , we didn’t invite even half of our family as we wanted to be sure all those in it are really people that we love and respect .
We have a a couple friend and their oldest kids as guests , but in the last few months our relationship deteriorated a lot.
There has been no huge fallout but some of their actions where bad and no longer trust them or feel in any way close to them , in fact I have some aversion to even being with them and it’s weird to even being with them .
Is there a way of uninviting people that doesn’t make me look awful .

OP posts:
VanCleefArpels · 26/04/2025 20:14

If it’s been obvious to THEM that things have cooled off you could message and just say “things have been a bit tense between us recently haven’t they so we’d totally understand if you didn’t want to travel for the wedding”. However you’d need to be sure they feel the same about your friendship! Otherwise there’s no way to do it without being very blunt and risking breaking the friendship for ever.

LizzieSiddal · 26/04/2025 20:14

Do you think they may have book flights and hotels already? If so I don’t think you can disinvite them!

Original poster
Crazyworldmum · 26/04/2025 20:18

LizzieSiddal · 26/04/2025 20:14

Do you think they may have book flights and hotels already? If so I don’t think you can disinvite them!

They have a holiday home on the same country so they would be going on holiday anyway

OP posts:
Silvertulips · 26/04/2025 20:19

It’s one day, in a crowd of 90, either they’ll decline, or rock up for some of it.

Stop giving this any thought!

Purplecatshopaholic · 26/04/2025 20:22

In a word, no, op. Either suck it up, or tell them the invite is rescinded and deal with any fall out. I’d take the first option myself, just because you’ll be busy and who needs the drama, but it’s up to you both, of course.

PlanetOtter · 26/04/2025 20:23

Unless there’s been a big bust up, you can’t do that without looking incredibly rude. It would end the friendship, and possibly any mutual friendships you have too.

Confusedformer · 26/04/2025 20:25

They might want an excuse not to come!

Original poster
Crazyworldmum · 26/04/2025 20:26

VanCleefArpels · 26/04/2025 20:14

If it’s been obvious to THEM that things have cooled off you could message and just say “things have been a bit tense between us recently haven’t they so we’d totally understand if you didn’t want to travel for the wedding”. However you’d need to be sure they feel the same about your friendship! Otherwise there’s no way to do it without being very blunt and risking breaking the friendship for ever.

Thanks , I’m not sure they know the full extend and I have a feeling they thought they could get away with some of their crap actions as they did in the past . They blanked us for 6 weeks after said situation that happened by message where they where rude , then suddenly decided to get in touch as if nothing happened . This is not the first time I have issues with them , they seem to use me for help ( regarding my profession ) but abuse the help and are constantly asking for more and more . The last incident was simply the “ straw that broke the camels back “ . There are other issues as nastiness and jealousy toward friends we had in common and that over the years become closer to us etc . It’s hard to explain .
Im not overly concerned about about maintain the friendship as honestly I feel resentful towards them

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazyworldmum · 26/04/2025 20:28

Silvertulips · 26/04/2025 20:19

It’s one day, in a crowd of 90, either they’ll decline, or rock up for some of it.

Stop giving this any thought!

I know I should do that but I hate being around d them now 😫

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 26/04/2025 20:29

There is no nice way, however justified it is in doing so.

PoodlesRUs · 26/04/2025 20:31

Can't have been that close to begin with if the relationship has declined that quickly to the point of you having "an aversion" to them.

"...people all very important to us , we didn’t invite even half of our family as we wanted to be sure all those in it are really people that we love and respect." Is that so?

Rainbowshine · 26/04/2025 20:33

If you do it the friendship may not really recover but it sounds like that’s already happened.

I would say something like:

”Hi friends, I’m sorry to land this on you however I need to rescind the invitation to the wedding. We’ve had to make some adjustments to our plans for the event and unfortunately it impacts on our guest list. I appreciate that this is not ideal and you may well be upset about this. We ask for your understanding that things are not always in our control and for your forgiveness that we have had to take this course of action. Best, @Crazyworldmum“

mnahmnah · 26/04/2025 20:35

If you don’t intend to keep them as friends, then as long as your message is politely worded, you are totally reasonable to ask them not to attend. You can’t control their reaction to it, but at least you wedding day won’t be spoiled with their presence.

timetotwist · 26/04/2025 20:49

Well, it sounds as if you really disapprove of them and don't wish to maintain a friendship with them anyway so be brave and rescind the invite in writing. Just say circumstances have changed and they can no longer come. Don't be concerned about looking awful if you don't value their opinion! What do you think they'll do?

Loveduppenguin · 26/04/2025 20:57

Well with the whole backstory you’ve just given, I’m struggling to see why you invite them in the first place. 🫤

TheAutumnCrow · 26/04/2025 21:16

They're not really friends any more, are they?

Also, you say that they are bringing their 'older children' so presumably their younger children aren't invited/coming? Maybe they'll not be that bothered.

I'd be tempted to do something a bit loopy like tell them the wedding's off, and you can't bear talking about it. Who cares if they don't believe you? Or do @Rainbowshine's diplomatic suggestion if you're less unhinged and world-weary than me.

Original poster
Crazyworldmum · 26/04/2025 21:16

PoodlesRUs · 26/04/2025 20:31

Can't have been that close to begin with if the relationship has declined that quickly to the point of you having "an aversion" to them.

"...people all very important to us , we didn’t invite even half of our family as we wanted to be sure all those in it are really people that we love and respect." Is that so?

They where , but some of the things we found out made us realise they where using us and maybe we weren’t to them ? The trust is gone and I’ve really tried to somewhat move on from it but this time I can’t .

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazyworldmum · 26/04/2025 21:19

TheAutumnCrow · 26/04/2025 21:16

They're not really friends any more, are they?

Also, you say that they are bringing their 'older children' so presumably their younger children aren't invited/coming? Maybe they'll not be that bothered.

I'd be tempted to do something a bit loopy like tell them the wedding's off, and you can't bear talking about it. Who cares if they don't believe you? Or do @Rainbowshine's diplomatic suggestion if you're less unhinged and world-weary than me.

No sorry , I meant their children are older as young adults . I don’t know why I put that I wanted to say we invited the whole family .
you are right , no they are not real friends anymore . I just need to get on with it

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazyworldmum · 26/04/2025 21:20

Loveduppenguin · 26/04/2025 20:57

Well with the whole backstory you’ve just given, I’m struggling to see why you invite them in the first place. 🫤

Because unfortunately I only found out about a lot of stories behind my back now and I was tupis enough to give them the benefit of the doubt to much .

OP posts:
myplace · 26/04/2025 21:22

Hi <fakefriend>,
I was really surprised when you got back in touch after situation x where you avoided us for 6weeks. On reflection it no longer feels appropriate for you to join us at our wedding. I hope you won’t be particularly disappointed.
All the best,
Mr and Mrs Crazy.

TheAutumnCrow · 28/04/2025 17:27

myplace · 26/04/2025 21:22

Hi <fakefriend>,
I was really surprised when you got back in touch after situation x where you avoided us for 6weeks. On reflection it no longer feels appropriate for you to join us at our wedding. I hope you won’t be particularly disappointed.
All the best,
Mr and Mrs Crazy.

That’s really good! As in, a good message.

pizzaHeart · 28/04/2025 17:34

I think if you are absolutely sure that they’ve done what you think they’ve done I will send @myplace’s message and accept that you are not friends anymore, there is no way back from it.
If you are not sure I will ask them about what’s happened and then if your suspicions are correct - tell them that you don’t think their presence at your wedding is appropriate.
However there might be a chance that they will offer you an explanation and an apology, so you need to think if you’ll accept them.
if not just send @myplace’s txt and forget about it.

2024onwardsandup · 28/04/2025 17:37

Rainbowshine · 26/04/2025 20:33

If you do it the friendship may not really recover but it sounds like that’s already happened.

I would say something like:

”Hi friends, I’m sorry to land this on you however I need to rescind the invitation to the wedding. We’ve had to make some adjustments to our plans for the event and unfortunately it impacts on our guest list. I appreciate that this is not ideal and you may well be upset about this. We ask for your understanding that things are not always in our control and for your forgiveness that we have had to take this course of action. Best, @Crazyworldmum“

I’d send this - it’s good. Def uninvite them and it will of course end the friendship - which sounds like a good thing to be honest. This wording at least allows for a polite diction of civility if you bump into each other

user1492757084 · 06/05/2025 11:53

You could uninvite them.
They would then not be able to be in your life.

Do you need to associate with them at all?
If not, go ahead and withdraw the invitation.

Gettingbysomehow · 06/05/2025 11:57

Crazyworldmum · 26/04/2025 20:10

We are getting married in August , been planning it since last march and invites where send at that time as it’s a wedding abroad ( our home country but lots of family and friends live like us in the uk ) .
Our wedding has around 90 people all very important to us , we didn’t invite even half of our family as we wanted to be sure all those in it are really people that we love and respect .
We have a a couple friend and their oldest kids as guests , but in the last few months our relationship deteriorated a lot.
There has been no huge fallout but some of their actions where bad and no longer trust them or feel in any way close to them , in fact I have some aversion to even being with them and it’s weird to even being with them .
Is there a way of uninviting people that doesn’t make me look awful .

Just say it cost more than you can now afford so you're only inviting relatives now on the advice of your parents who are paying for it. Very sorry and all that......