Help! I think I might be an accidental bridezilla

[Feeltoooldtostudybutdoingitanyway]

So I thought I'd be pretty relaxed about the whole wedding planning & up until recently I have been. Listened to what my fiance wanted, made joint decisions on all the big things, venue, music, food etc....

Let my maid of honour pick her own dress, just gave her a list of 3 different colours that would work & the budget that I had for it but she got to totally choose the style, final colour etc...

Made changes to accommodate various family needs

And have done most of the planning so far, very aware that I'm marrying later than most friends & family and they have done this all before, have busy lives etc...

But with just a couple of months to go, I've realised that I love all the little details & no one else cares about them, even my fiance just isn't fussed & I feel like a total bridezilla to fuss about them.

So I'm thinking I probably just need to stop over thinking & let all the little details go, no point wasting so much time & energy on something that only I'll notice.

What do people actually notice on a wedding day? What can be culled & what should stay? What can I do to stop myself obsessing & becoming a total nightmare?

guests want Good food and a lovely atmosphere
that’s it

And plenty to drink 😄

To be fair if fussing over little details only affects you and is just irrelevant to the guests I wouldn't call that bridezilla.

The guests just want appropriate hospitality, food and reasonable comfort.

What sort of details are you talking about?

I went to a wedding where lots of the wedding party effort had been invested in making paper decorations, table displays, lots of tiny details.

But on the day we were kept waiting over 40 minutes on hard chairs in a cold marquee as the bride was running so late. I later found out that, whilst we were all shifting uncomfortably in our seats, they were spending additional time taking set photos just outside the venue. Nice to do but, given they were so late, could have waited until after the ceremony.

No one really cares about chair covers, hand made decorative trees etc. They do care that they’re not left hanging around for hours just because the bridal party couldn’t be bothered to get the timing right.

Nobody notices little details, all weddings look exactly the same. Just focus on good hospitality and your guests will have a great time. Lots of food and drinks, and no hanging around with nothing to do / eat while photos are being taken.

Well, I suppose as long as the OP isn’t dashing about shrieking ‘No one but me cares about the exact colours of the chair covers!’ Or blaming her bridesmaids for not getting wound up about the personalised fridgemagnets she’s ordered as favours not having shown up yet.

Well yeah, if spending a week solid making intricate origami centerpieces is what makes you happy and you fully accept that only you will notice them then that's fine.

Yes, I think the hanging about while photos are taken is the most weird and discourteous aspect of weddings that’s become completely normalised. It’s one thing if there are a few mass photos and then wedding party photos in the grounds of the venue, which can be done fairly fast, but from what I see on here, it’s not unusual for the bride and groom to be driven off to some beauty spot for a more photogenic backdrop, while everyone else gets politely restless for two hours or more between arriving at the reception venue and any prospect of substantial food.

I’d go so far to say that minimising this gap is probably THE key to a successful wedding without longeurs from the guests’ POV.

If it gives you pleasure to pay attention to all the details and really immerse yourself in the lovely project of your wedding, I say go for it. It's hopefully not something you'll do again, and in a way you're not fussing over table decorations or whatever, you're investing your time in a day that means a huge amount to you. Time spent 'fussing' is part of the fun. It spreads the significance of the day over a longer period of time, just like when we do all the extra bits for Christmas it's not just about one day, it's about enjoying the whole season.

However, if it's bringing you stress and pressure you can give yourself permission to let the details go and focus on the big picture. Which is you, your fiancé, your families and friends having a brilliant, memorable, beautiful day with a lot of laughter, love and dancing.

Yes, absolutely! Do it if you find it fulfilling, no question, but don’t then get melodramatic about the guests moving them aside so they can see one another and/or reach the wine.

In my entire life, I think I've been to two weddings that haven't been an endurance test. Those were both really relaxed affairs where there was no bustling about, no waiting for anything, no queues at the bar, and no feeling of pomp / ceremony (other than the actual ceremony). One was a big do, the other a small do.

The rest have been where there was an element of hanging around or something. On thinking, I can't actually put my finger on what, but it just felt pressured somehow.

With respect to your focus on the little things, my experience is that most people would notice that it was "nice", but, if questioned, would be hard pressed to say why.

I agree with @CatherinetheAverage, if you're enjoying the little things, then enjoy them! I loved all the little bits I did for my wedding. I made little boxes with flowers on them and put mini eggs in them for the table, I made the boxes with my mum and Nan, who died within the 1st year of me getting married, so I have nice memories of us all doing something nice together leading up to the wedding. They looked nice in the photos. It's all part of the excitement in my opinion! Enjoy and I hope you have a fabulous wedding!

I notice the dress and the food. That’s it, apart from obviously friends and family. The little details are totally wasted on me.

Obviously do the details if that’s what you enjoy.

We need to cut brides some slack. For most people, a wedding is the single biggest, most expensive event they'll organise and the arrangements are often surprisingly complex. And if the honeymoon is immediately afterwards, then you can tack all the usual holiday admin and arrangements onto that...

Most of us aren't professional party planners and won't know instinctively what will work well and what will not. There may be some "bridezillas" who go way over the top, but I think that term is often applied unfairly to women who bear the brunt of organising a large, often logistically difficult event, but who are expected still to glide about looking serene and joyful.

A bit off-topic, OP, but in short do what you want. You're the one putting in hours of time to organise this.

That’s one of the worst things at some weddings, all the waiting around for photos with nothing being offered to break the boredom.

I also have an absolute hatred for those line ups where you have to shake hands with the bride’s mother and other ‘important’ people. I still haven’t recovered from having to shake hands with people I knew, as if they were royalty, first time I was a wedding guest back in 1984!

Don't bother with wedding favours, they often get left behind, make sure that people aren't waiting for hours when you have your photographs taken, don't have speeches that go on for more than 10 minutes and for the love of god don't make people wait hours for food.
Otherwise - have fun! Enjoy yourself, and remember, if it isn't perfect, it's fine.

I think certain 'fussiness' can get in the way of enjoyment eg. Recently DH and I were invited to the church part of a wedding. There was also a sit down meal and an evening party so 3 'tiers' of invitation. Tbh, I wouldn't even have noticed no invite (DH helped groom quite a lot when he was a teenager, not been close for 10 years or so) but the church-only invite did make us feel a bit 'third tier'! I suppose they wanted to make people feel 'recognised' but it had the opposite effect on me.

In hindsight I wish we'd skipped most of the posed photo taking. It's always tedious and I found it really stressful at the time.

Ps. The details worth investing in need to be photographed so you can appreciate them later.

The most memorable for me was a winter wedding where the bride and groom had all the guests do a quick whole photo outside then sent e eryone else in so they didn't get cold. I just thought how considerate that was.
Too many weddings are too much hanging about and getting hungry.
One of the not so good was they hadn't considered accommodation. It was limited plus they got married on a Sunday and as the venue had a wedding Saturday no one could stay the night before. Therfore people who'd travelled 6 hours had to stay several miles away
Wedding was at midday too so many people went home after reception and never made it back to the evening do. Bad planning.

What little details are you stressing over? I recently got married, at one stage I went down a rabbit hole on wedding invitations and envelopes. After a sleepless night I realized we aren't 3 envelope people and are guests aren't. Our day was perfect for us and I wouldn't change a thing.

Why do you need 3 envelopes?

I have no idea! I went down a rabbit hole about how to address wedding invites/envelopes and they stared talking about 3 envelopes! I guess the invite sits in an envelope, then there's the outside envelope for mailing and the guests return envelope!

A bit of a generalisation but in my experience .....
Men care about when they can take their jackets off, whether the bar is now open and is it free or do I need my wallet. Oh and food.
Women like to judge each others outfits and the flowers for about 5 minutes and then want a glass of wine and food.
Both sexes probably enjoy the event more if they are sitting with people they know.
If you are inviting children get them photographed ASAP whilst they are clean and tidy. Once that's done they can belt about on the grass.