Help! I think I might be an accidental bridezilla

[Feeltoooldtostudybutdoingitanyway]

So I thought I'd be pretty relaxed about the whole wedding planning & up until recently I have been. Listened to what my fiance wanted, made joint decisions on all the big things, venue, music, food etc....

Let my maid of honour pick her own dress, just gave her a list of 3 different colours that would work & the budget that I had for it but she got to totally choose the style, final colour etc...

Made changes to accommodate various family needs

And have done most of the planning so far, very aware that I'm marrying later than most friends & family and they have done this all before, have busy lives etc...

But with just a couple of months to go, I've realised that I love all the little details & no one else cares about them, even my fiance just isn't fussed & I feel like a total bridezilla to fuss about them.

So I'm thinking I probably just need to stop over thinking & let all the little details go, no point wasting so much time & energy on something that only I'll notice.

What do people actually notice on a wedding day? What can be culled & what should stay? What can I do to stop myself obsessing & becoming a total nightmare?

I focused on plenty of food, drink, a smooth schedule that didn't involve hours of waiting and places for people to sit.

Plus, thinking about people with kids and how to best accomadte them and make their lives easy (we only allowed children of family members due to numbers).

For me, all of the other details are for the bride and possibly groom/mother of bride to enjoy choosing and planning.

The worst weddings I have been to are the ones full of dress up photo booths, popcorn stands etc but hours of waiting and little food or drink for a long time after the ceremony.

Ok, I've never heard of that! Just send the invitation and they can find their own envelope for the reply.

And most of them will probably watts app if its a yes.

Men care about when they can take their jackets off

Very true, and the gentlemen will be waiting for the bride to give them permission.

If you are enjoying the little detail planning then why not go all in ? It's your wedding.
But honestly...the money spent of the details (aka as grown up party bag tat)...id rather see on decent champagne being free flowing from moment the ceremony is over...good food, short speeches from Max 3 people:groom, best man, and father/ mother of bride...
And everyone having a jolly time

Food, wine and happiness. I also like the frock, music and flowers. I have no recollection of anybody's wedding cake.

I got married before favours were a thing and thankfully DS and DIL put a little card on each table to say that they had calculated the cost of providing favours would be x and they had therefore giftaided a donation for x to Mind.

OP, you can be as bridezilla as you like about the details, so long as you never lose sight of the fact that all the people there have come to wish you well on your wedding day, and they all want you to have the day you want - so don’t make them stand around for hours in the heat or the cold while you take 9,000 photographs, and do think about the logistics - it’s fine to have the picturesque barn in the back of behind for the reception if you’ve laid on transport but not so much if they’re having to cadge lifts or phone for a taxi. Make sure there is enough food and drink, and if there is a pay bar that people know. So long as people are fed and watered and not kept hanging around, you’ll all have a great day! People will notice the flowers, the dress and the cake, and the overall impression as they go in to the reception, but onky you will notice the minute details!

What the guests will want/remember is an important question - and the truth is that most people want not much hanging around, lots of food, lots of drink, short speeches. And a couple of nice 'aww' moments when you enter and throughout the day.

But OP, that doesn't mean that the details that will give you joy are not important - they're really important! This is a big day, you're paying for and organising it, you need it to be lovely to you!

So make sure the above guest wants are covered, and then go for it! Have the bridesmaid colours be what you want (as long as no-one will be hugely out of pocket) and do all the silly little stuff that will actually give you pleasure.

If there are kids attending, their parents will be very grateful if there is stuff for them to do so they're not constantly having to wrangle them during the event.

It doesn't have to be expensive either - a few oversized garden games for a late Spring or Summer wedding. If space allows, a corner in the Reception venue with some child-sized tables and a few building blocks or a basket of toys. Genius idea at a recent wedding we attended was some packs of mess free colouring paper and pens in the middle of a small table. A small toddler slide is always a winner if someone you know has one.

Of course their parents should be controlling them and you're not a crèche (😂) but the truly wonderful weddings we've been to for us since having kids have either been child-free or had something for the kids to do and touch where they're not being a nuisance.

Agree absolutely.
We had children at our wedding that ranged in age from a baby to a teen of 15. Just before the speeches the waiting staff gave each child a bag ( labelled with their name and table number) with something in it that was quiet and age appropriate and to use at their table ( sticker book, colouring, small cars etc). There wasn't a peep out of a child during the speeches because they werent bored. After the reception ended they wandered about checking out what each other had and playing with the different things. Worked really well.

That's not being a bridezilla OP. Bridezilla are extra demanding of others people's time and resources and have massive tantrums if people don't give.

I agree about the making guests wait while photos are being done is properly shit like. People end up starving.

People notice if they are bored / too hot / too cold / hungry / thirsty. The only other thing that sticks in my mind from a wedding was when the bride hadn't brushed or styled her hair which I found very odd. (It looked like she had run a comb through it when it was wet and then just left it to go all frizzy, like you might do if you were ill or slobbing about at home all day and couldn't be bothered.)

I love the little details that make a wedding unique. One friend is a huge dog lover, they had all the family dogs there wearing bow ties. My sil went with vintage her colours were pale pink and she had rustic table decs/accessories. I loved choosing the music for our wedding (with dh) and making it personal to us. Another loves photos and had pictures of all the guests on the table.

Enjoy the little touches , some people will love them others won’t notice but do it for you and your dp.

but yes convienia nt location, plenty of food, a bar and a good atmosphere are the most important bits.

Is a wedding suitable for dogs?

Sometimes fussing over minor details helps you feel more in control.

as long as you aren’t dictating to others and shouting at others about them you aren’t a bridezilla.

My bouncy lab never got his invite but the dogs who were were good as gold

Ok. I suppose dogs are everywhere now, so why not a wedding.

Thank you for all the messages, sounds like most of the things that annoy people shouldn't be a problem.

1. Plenty of food, main meal, snacks & evening food
2. Free drinks with the meal & toasts (paid bar in the evening, but guests aware)
3. No speeches, just a few short toasts
4. Canapés with garden games for the guests whilst we have our photos- which will be short because I hate photos
5. Bags with snacks & activities for all guests 11 & under for the service
6. Games on the table for all young guests- including some teens who are technically adults but will love them

Only thing that guests might grumble about is the location, but nothing near us is conveniently located, it's all a bit rural, but our guests are used to that & the ones whose weddings we have been to have been all over the place. We've shared accommodation links & local taxi companies, helped guests we know who don't want to drive link up with guests who live near them that do want to drive, so hopefully it won't be too much of an issue.

The things I'm stressing about are table decorations, flowers, favours, order of services, place names- things I love but don't want them to be over the top or a waste of money.

I think I'm worrying about everyone's opinions and getting myself in a knot trying to make the day lovely for everyone.