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Original poster

When to send save the date for destination wedding?

85 replies

countryroad12 · 04/01/2025 19:31

Getting married in 2027. Booking the venue soon as it gets booked very quickly. It will be in Italy, all friends and family in UK.
When should we send save the date? We will be inviting around 50-60 but want to let them know in advance so they have time to save and think about it.

Thank you

OP posts:
DappledThings · 04/01/2025 20:39

CandyLeBonBon · 04/01/2025 20:30

Completely not the point of the thread, I know, but I don't get the whole 'save the date' thing? Do you tell all your potential invitees that the venue is booked (ie save the date) and then whittle down the guest list and send out the invitations?

Why not just send the invitations? Please can someone put me out of my misery! 'Save the date' just wasn't a thing when I got married so I genuinely do get how it works.

It's just so you can get the date in people's diaries but before you've had a chance to figure out all the info you want to put in the full invitation.

We didn't bother but we sent full invitations 8 months in advance.

With a destination wedding particularly you need to give everyone as much notice as possible to maximise their chances of making it.

BarbaraHoward · 04/01/2025 20:43

I got married abroad. I'd start informally telling everyone straight away and then send out save the dates maybe 18 months beforehand. Get them out before the flights are released if you can.

DevonshireDumpling1 · 09/01/2025 19:02

countryroad12 · 04/01/2025 19:31

Getting married in 2027. Booking the venue soon as it gets booked very quickly. It will be in Italy, all friends and family in UK.
When should we send save the date? We will be inviting around 50-60 but want to let them know in advance so they have time to save and think about it.

Thank you

Relative getting married in Italy in May 2025, we received STD in November 2024….

they got engaged in early 2022

Shambles….

Would you not have closest relatives to Italy and then have a party in the UK?

meditrina · 09/01/2025 19:14

Do you tell all your potential invitees that the venue is booked (ie save the date) and then whittle down the guest list and send out the invitations?

No, the opposite!

STDs only to those whose presence you would really, really miss (so they don't accept something else, or book a holiday because they didn't know it was happening. And perhaps those who are are absolutely sure you will invite but who you know will have awkward logistics and might appreciate the extra notice.

You should always invite everyone you have given an STD; but it is not necessary to give an STD to every invitee.

There isn't actually any need to use formal stationery for this. You could do the old fashioned thing and just tell the key people that you have set the date, when and where it will all be and that they can exect an invitation idc

Wherearemymarbles · 09/01/2025 19:17

you could give people a heads up now so they can plan ahead and send formal invitations a year out.
I dont know many people who would actually start booking until till 6 months out or earlier.

OurDreamLife · 09/01/2025 19:19

I wouldn’t send a save the date without contacting them and saying you would love them to attend but they are under no obligation.

It’s a huge expense for people even without the cost of living so they will need as much info upfront before they decide.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 09/01/2025 19:19

My brother gave us notice as soon as he had booked his, so 2 years! Made it so we can plan ahead though!

FattyLump · 09/01/2025 19:22

I think it is a great idea to chat to your friends and family first. My close friend wanted a destination wedding - plus hen and stag events - in a beautiful but VERY expensive location in Italy. We all needed to be there for a week. After having a few conversations, she realised how many would actually be prepared to allocate holiday time, money and leave their families (no kids allowed) for her lovely July wedding. Her fiance is minted and has a job which pays around a million a year. Her friends and family? Not minted at all. Plus to get my kids looked after, I'd need to either ship them off abroad or bring my parents over here. She hadn't considered the cost implications for those attending and was a bit gobsmacked when I totted it all up and explained I'd need to give up every family holiday for a year in order to go... without my actual family.

Maybe you have lots of well off single friends, or wealthy married with family friends and this isn't a consideration. But worth thinking about the costs for everyone.

It puts into perspective me agonising over the fact my wedding guests would need to take a tube for all of 8 stops from the registry office to the reception location because I couldn't afford to bus them there!

Spirallingdownwards · 09/01/2025 19:23

@countryroad12 I am happy to come for a wedding in Italy if you have any drop outs.

😁

KnickerlessParsons · 09/01/2025 19:29

When should we send save the date? We will be inviting around 50-60 but want to let them know in advance so they have time to save and think about it.

Do you really expect people to have to save up for a wedding in a foreign country?

Berlinlover · 09/01/2025 19:32

Destination weddings are so selfish and entitled. I’ll never understand the mentality of people who choose this as a way to get married.

SuziQuinto · 09/01/2025 19:32

CandyLeBonBon · 04/01/2025 20:30

Completely not the point of the thread, I know, but I don't get the whole 'save the date' thing? Do you tell all your potential invitees that the venue is booked (ie save the date) and then whittle down the guest list and send out the invitations?

Why not just send the invitations? Please can someone put me out of my misery! 'Save the date' just wasn't a thing when I got married so I genuinely do get how it works.

Thank you, I don't get that either.

SuziQuinto · 09/01/2025 19:33

KnickerlessParsons · 09/01/2025 19:29

When should we send save the date? We will be inviting around 50-60 but want to let them know in advance so they have time to save and think about it.

Do you really expect people to have to save up for a wedding in a foreign country?

Imagine having to save up to go to someone's wedding!

TartanMammy · 09/01/2025 19:42

SuziQuinto · 09/01/2025 19:33

Imagine having to save up to go to someone's wedding!

Show quote history

I've had to save for pretty much every wedding I've been to; travel, hotels, food away from home, clothes for a family of 4, it's expensive UK or abroad.

SuziQuinto · 09/01/2025 19:58

TartanMammy · 09/01/2025 19:42

I've had to save for pretty much every wedding I've been to; travel, hotels, food away from home, clothes for a family of 4, it's expensive UK or abroad.

Show quote history

I've never saved up for a wedding in my life. If I couldn't afford to go, then I wouldn't go..

ifeelsobad · 09/01/2025 20:01

Abroad wedding we've always known two years before except my cousin's this year we've just been told and it's in Abu Dhabi in October!

Onlyonekenobe · 09/01/2025 20:06

It wouldn't matter to me because I wouldn't go (unless you were my daughter, sister or maybe closest friend, in which case a phonecall would be better appreciated). They're the height of arrogance and in and of themselves put me off a person.

LittleBigHead · 09/01/2025 20:34

but want to let them know in advance so they have time to save

You expect people to save towards attending your big party????

Good Lord the narcissism.

Does yours or your husband to be’s family have any connection with Italy?

TinyMouseTheatre · 09/01/2025 20:37

People will need time to arrange annual leave and save the money of they're able to.

Rachmorr57 · 09/01/2025 20:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Ilovemyshed · 09/01/2025 20:42

If I have to save up to go then they can get lost. I am not spending my hard earned money and holiday leave on someone else's vanity project.

Did it once in Spain for a DH family member, we were just needed as a babysitter for elderly mum as everyone on the bride's side wanted a two week holiday. Cost us nearly two grand as it was a peak bank holiday. Had to book a hotel with disabled rooms and hire a bigger car. Infuriating and I wish we had just said no.

Ilovemyshed · 09/01/2025 20:44

"Yes we do. I didn't ask for your opinion on the wedding, only when to send save the date. Thank you anyway"

Warning: bridezilla alert.

Aligirlbear · 09/01/2025 21:42

countryroad12 · 04/01/2025 19:40

@mummylove24 @DappledThings @MsSquiz
Thank you for your responses. Would you suggest 18 months isn't long enough?

Edited

You need to give as much notice as possible. Others might be planning weddings / some people ( me included ) plan holidays 2years + in advance as I like long haul and therefore needed to plan holiday allocation from work carefully when I was working.

18 months notice for some will be too late.

Scandicc · 09/01/2025 21:49

It baffles me that so many of you make it out as being invited to a destination wedding is an insult or a sign of an inflated ego.

DogInATent · 09/01/2025 22:04

Scandicc · 09/01/2025 21:49

It baffles me that so many of you make it out as being invited to a destination wedding is an insult or a sign of an inflated ego.

Well.. it's kind of measuring friendship in miles they're prepared to travel.