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Original poster

When to send save the date for destination wedding?

85 replies

countryroad12 · 04/01/2025 19:31

Getting married in 2027. Booking the venue soon as it gets booked very quickly. It will be in Italy, all friends and family in UK.
When should we send save the date? We will be inviting around 50-60 but want to let them know in advance so they have time to save and think about it.

Thank you

OP posts:

Hercisback1 · 09/01/2025 22:45

Scandicc · 09/01/2025 21:49

It baffles me that so many of you make it out as being invited to a destination wedding is an insult or a sign of an inflated ego.

It's a massive ego expecting people to save up to attend your party.

Scandicc · 09/01/2025 23:07

DogInATent · 09/01/2025 22:04

Well.. it's kind of measuring friendship in miles they're prepared to travel.

Show quote history

Why? It’s an invitation. It’s completely up to the person invited if they want to go or not? Let people get married where they want and ask if anyone wants to join them.

Scandicc · 09/01/2025 23:07

Hercisback1 · 09/01/2025 22:45

It's a massive ego expecting people to save up to attend your party.

Show quote history

Same as above. Nobody has to attend. It’s an invitation.

DappledThings · 09/01/2025 23:12

Scandicc · 09/01/2025 23:07

Why? It’s an invitation. It’s completely up to the person invited if they want to go or not? Let people get married where they want and ask if anyone wants to join them.

Show quote history

Agree. We've only been invited to one destination wedding but never felt like it was anything other than that; a genuine invitation. Not an obligation.

We did go and had a lovely week's holiday. It was a nice bit of Italy we hadn't otherwise visited.

If if had been somewhere we had no interest in visiting we might not have used the leave/money on it and declined. Wouldn't have felt offended by the invitation though. Or in any way guilty for declining.

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/01/2025 23:13

As much notice as possible to save

do you want them for the week

or could the fly in day before and fly back day after so 3 days

or really early flight on wedding day depending how close to airport in Italy etx

obv some people may not have kids now but could then - are kids invited ?

tiggergoesbounce · 09/01/2025 23:18

As soon as you secure the venue, send out your invites - people have busy lives and plan their own events long in advance.

Give the people who want to share your day with you a really good opportunity to attend.

It's not an inflated ego, its just getting married how you want to and giving people the option to share it with you if they so wish too.

garlictwist · 09/01/2025 23:21

2027?! You can't realistically send the save the date until at most a year before because that is 2 years away. I wouldn't save a date that far in advance.

RomainingToBeSeen · 09/01/2025 23:22

Surely you need an indication of how many of those 50-60 people...

... Will move mountains to be there, mortgage the cat, swim the channel if necessary but wouldn't miss it for anything; or

... Will most likely be there; or

... Will have every intention of attending but life/money/family/health will get in the way over the next two years; or

... Will tell you that they are coming but already know that they will find an excuse at some point not to come; or

... Can't attend for whatever reason and will tell you honestly now

Clearly some of this you can't predict but even if you don't have all the details it feels as if you need something a bit more concrete than a save the date card.

I'm old though so probably completely out of touch in terms of how weddings operate these days.

MyDeepZebra · 09/01/2025 23:28

I think two years minimum notice is best. People may need to adjust their personal holiday plans and budgets for this year's holiday in order to accomodate your wedding. A lot of people plan and save for holidays two or even three years in advance. With the way the economy is going with jobs and inflation saving smaller amounts over a longer period might be the only way people can afford it.

It was different as she was from overseas and got married in her family's hometown but quite literally the hour she got engaged, one of my friends contacted me and her other closest English friend to tell us she'd be getting married in her home country, desperately wanted us there and gave suggestions of how to make it as affordable as possible for us (she paid for all of our transfers and transport, offered places in family homes for us to sleep, treated us to special meals etc). Same with a French friend who got married on an estate over there - he made sure all we had to pay for was our flights and he gave us notice the day he got engaged. The more consideration for your guests the better. Tell them asap, and please don't be offended if people can't make it.

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/01/2025 23:36

garlictwist · 09/01/2025 23:21

2027?! You can't realistically send the save the date until at most a year before because that is 2 years away. I wouldn't save a date that far in advance.

I would if a good friend or family

I have a save the date for a wedding 2026 that I got in 2024

MoodySky · 09/01/2025 23:38

I wouldn't save the date this far in advance, whoever it was. I'd wait until I had an actual invitation before I even thought about booking time off etc.

I think if you invite 50/60 guests you'll probably get half that number as many people don't want to waste their leave on what is someone else's choice of holiday.

EMary12345 · 09/01/2025 23:40

As long as possible! My brother gave us 18months notice of a wedding abroad and it was just about enough time for us to save up but long enough in advance we hadn't made other holiday plans. Now we have kids it would make life really difficult- we would only attend if it was a close family member or very close friend - our holiday times are precious and saving to go to someone else's wedding wouldn't be top of my savings lists!

crumblingschools · 09/01/2025 23:48

There is another thread at the moment where someone is having to fork out £5k to attend a destination wedding. You definitely have a massive ego if you think it is right to expect a guest to fork out £5k for what is effectively a party, especially as for many of these weddings you are not actually seeing them get married as the legal bit is done elsewhere

BringOnTheSunshineNow · 10/01/2025 07:32

I'd give it a year.
I'd also expect that a lot won't make it.
But a year is fine op.

DogInATent · 10/01/2025 08:07

garlictwist · 09/01/2025 23:21

2027?! You can't realistically send the save the date until at most a year before because that is 2 years away. I wouldn't save a date that far in advance.

Some people have to book all their holiday dates at the start of the holiday year, and are possibly competing with colleagues for prime dates. The more notice the better.

I've seen friends send out invitations just a few months before the date for UK weddings and be disappointed when people they've invited couldn't get the time off, or were already booked for another event. If you want people to attend, give them lots of notice. If you want to be a disappointed bridezilla, keep it last minute and make sure it's a destination a 6hr drive from the closest airport served by Ryanair with only one hotel.

TheDisgustingBrothers · 13/01/2025 16:52

meditrina · 04/01/2025 19:53

I wouldn't send a save the date at all.

Instead I would talk to your proposed guests and let them know that way. In conversation you'll get their reaction (and some idea if they are likely to be able to come)

Follow up by email idc.

This is what we’ve done. Although our destination wedding is very small, only 14 guests as I didn’t like to ask wider friends & family to fork out. We will have a party in the UK when we’re back with everyone else.

we just had dinner with everyone around Christmas -time and broached the subject then. They were all thrilled luckily but we won’t be doing save the dates etc for that reason. We might do a token invite nearer the time for a keepsake but I think it can be a bit of a shocker to receive an invite for a destination wedding if you’re not even suspecting it at all. At least give people a heads up.

kiraric · 13/01/2025 16:58

Mumsnet is really negative about weddings for some reason - don't take the reactions too personally!

I would let your close family and friends know as soon as you have booked it but perhaps hold back from inviting others until 12-18 months out, just because it is a long time to go and things may well change for you/them.

Of course you shouldn't demand people attend or guilt trip them if they can't but I don't think just the act of inviting them is doing that! I would and have happily saved and travelled for destination weddings for close family/friends, I have also turned down invitations that didn't work for us and that hasn't led to any drama on either side.

Hope it all goes well!

BigDahliaFan · 13/01/2025 17:17

I’d give as much notice as possible.I love a destination wedding. Holiday and a party in one.

crumblingschools · 13/01/2025 17:17

@kiraric there is another thread going at the moment where a guest has forked out £5k to go to a destination wedding. Bride has now proposed a hen do abroad. If the guest doesn't stay at the wedding venue hotel, so cutting down costs of accommodation, they then have to pay to attend the venue! Assumption being that guests are pretty much paying for the venue whilst B&G get a cheap wedding in their destination of choice.

That is why some people on MN are down on weddings!

In the old days if you wanted to get married abroad the couple just did it by themselves. Then some started inviting close family, like parents/siblings, but now destination weddings seem to have the same guest list as if the wedding was at home. We had 5 weddings to attend in one year, thank god none of them were destination ones, and no expensive stags and hens either. Weddings are just getting silly money now, and destination ones seem to be set up that guests pay a big contribution to the cost, hence the reason it is usually cheaper for the B&G to get married abroad.

kiraric · 13/01/2025 17:19

@crumblingschools but that's a different thread?

It's just an invitation, it's not a court martial - if you don't want to go, you can say no..

I don't accept every wedding invitation but I find the attitude that it's a hostile gesture when someone invites you to share a really special day with them just bizarre

crumblingschools · 13/01/2025 17:23

@kiraric I was just explaining why some people on MN are negative about weddings. If I got a save a date 2 years in advance, I'd probably forget all about it!

It isn't a court martial but you see many threads on here where the happy couple are not so happy if a guest doesn't attend, and sometimes never speak to the non attending guest again.

And I wouldn't be too impressed if I found out that the £5k I was forking out was actually paying towards the venue. Our wedding didn't cost much more than that, I can't imagine expecting a guest to pay that sort of sum, I can't even imagine mentioning such a potential sum to a wedding guest, even if I had no expectation of them attending

TheStroppyFeminist · 13/01/2025 17:26

I think the whole destination wedding thing is incredibly selfish and I wouldn't go to one if I was invited. I want to choose where I go on holiday and how much I spend, not have it dictated by some Bridezilla's out of control ego.

HMW1906 · 13/01/2025 17:34

We received one last week for April 2026….although they didn’t actually get engaged until Christmas

pimplebum · 13/01/2025 17:41

As soon as it’s booked I’d let people know
I would make a point of asking first response to get a ball park figure for numbers

you seem very sure of yourself and I hope you are right but you may be surprised, everyone I know who have had destination weddings have either expected very low number or been disappointed by how many they get

rockingthekasbah · 13/01/2025 17:43

I love these replies... I sent my save the date out 3 months before the destination wedding. European destination, DH side all coming from the US. There was no gnashing of teeth or bad feeling. He had 50
%over the predicted number. Not one person said 'oh I wish we had known sooner'.

Laughing at the poster who intimated Italy was 'long haul'

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