Husband admitted cheating prior to marriage

[Mumma331]

Really need advise here.

partner and I got married 4 months ago (together 13 years). Have been on cloud 9 since that day, so much so we have had deep discussions about the future, past and present.

During these discussions after I asked, he admitted that 2 years ago when we went through a rocky patch he cheated.

On one hand I’m glad it’s no longer hidden and he’s finally been honest. On the other I am gutted, hurt and it’s just burst our newlywed wedding bubble.

I wish he would have told me prior to marriage. I feel so low. do I move on and try to forget it? Will I ever trust him and just be going through the motions?

I’d be washing my hands of him. If he really, truly cared he’d communicate. My DH and I have been through big health issues - the stillbirth of our child, pregnancy after loss (during covid too) and his cancer treatment. Never once did it cross either of our minds to cheat. Because we are a partnership. We are committed to each other. He’s my person and I’m his. Kick this man-child to the kerb and move on. Life is so short and you deserve to be happy

I'd need questions answered. Why did he marry you after cheating? Was it a one-off or an affair? The answers would help decide if I wanted to continue the marriage or seek counselling. If you decide to continue you will have to move on from this somehow and build something so strong this does not become his go to response when things are 'rocky'.

Have been on cloud 9 since that day, so much so we have had deep discussions about the future, past and present

Surely people have the ‘deep’ discussions before getting married, not after?

The thing for me would be that he has shown you who he is.

When things get tough he cheats. You didn't (going through the same rough patch) but he did.

That doesn't bode very well for the future does it?

I once knew a couple like this who'd been together ages and on the honeymoon he confessed that he'd slept with her chief bridesmaid before the marriage. They had had a heart to heart before they wed with a 'tell me everything' and he admitted he held it back as he knew she would not have married him (and worse in my opinion) would't have had the chief bridesmaid attend - when he wanted her there.

Not one but two scumbags. They are divorced now of course.

Where is the best place to enquire for marriage counselling?

You can google and then look at Therapists in your area. I think the ones in ours are around £80 a session.

Perhaps do that and see what he says. It might give you an indication of how willing he is to work on his relationship with you.

Has he suggested getting any help himself? If he's blaming it on the two deaths and having Covid himself as he at the very least sought some grief counselling?