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How to politely decline a hen do invite?

34 replies

ThatTwinklyPearlSloth · 30/07/2024 20:17

Hi all,

I’ve been added to a WhatsApp group for a hen do in July next year. My question is, how do you politely decline an invitation when you’re given a date so far in advance?

To be honest, I was really surprised to receive the invitation as the bride is a friend from school whom I’ve had very little contact with over the past few years. Our friendship has just fizzled, no argument or animosity that I’m aware of. I did grow tired of always being the one to instigate meeting up for coffee/lunch/drinks and whenever I did try to organise anything it had to be 3-4 months in advance because she was too busy and plans were constantly cancelled by her with no effort on her part to rearrange. I’m of the opinion that you make time for or prioritise people who you care for or enjoy spending time with and it just got to a point where I felt I just wasn’t deemed worthy of her time and so gave up trying to make plans and keep the friendship alive. Consequently, we haven’t really had any contact for over 4 years because she never instigated anything after I gave up asking.

So I was highly surprised at being added to a WhatsApp group for her hen do! The group has nearly 30 people in there so I don’t think she’s short of friends or people to invite. I’m pleased for her and have congratulated her on her engagement but I suppose I really resent spending £300+ on a hen do where I won’t know anyone else and barely know the bride at this point. I’ve just bought a house and money is really tight.

We’re not on bad terms and I don’t want to come across as rude. How can I politely decline or what is a reasonable excuse?

OP posts:
DayOutInRome · 30/07/2024 21:29

Were you actually invited by the bride or MoH, or just added to a group?! I reckon you could just leave the group and then you have no knowledge of any of it. If invited separately I’d leave the group and message the bride separately to say sorry you can’t make it.

pizzaHeart · 30/07/2024 21:33

SpeccyDoodler · 30/07/2024 20:29

‘Hey, thanks for the invite, sounds like a fab weekend of celebrations. I’m sorry I won’t be able to make it but hope you have a lovely time!’

This^ is very good reply. Tbh if you can’t make it, it might be because of millions of reasons: you are planning to be away/ give birth/ move house/ do pet sitting/ train for marathon/ have breasts reduction/ focus on saving money and do nothing.
If she asks why you can always say because you have plans already.

MaltipooMama · 30/07/2024 21:34

SpeccyDoodler · 30/07/2024 20:29

‘Hey, thanks for the invite, sounds like a fab weekend of celebrations. I’m sorry I won’t be able to make it but hope you have a lovely time!’

Another vote for this response! That's the perfect message to sent

PrincessHoneysuckle · 30/07/2024 22:08

That's the week your own holiday is booked for..what a shame you can't go...

NewName24 · 30/07/2024 22:53

PrincessHoneysuckle · 30/07/2024 22:08

That's the week your own holiday is booked for..what a shame you can't go...

No reason to lie though.
Just put what @SpeccyDoodler said, and leave the group.

theeyeofdoe · 30/07/2024 23:09

OP exactly the same thing happened to me last week, friend I hadn’t seen for years, massive hen do group chat…I said how exciting / will check dates to begin with, then privately contacted the organiser yesterday to say I wasn’t able to make it.,

That way it didn’t look like I’d ignored it, but I also didn’t need to decline for everyone.

MooonDreamz · 31/07/2024 13:33

I don't think not going to the hen means you can't have a conversation if you bump into her in the supermarket. If you can't go you can't go and she doesn't have to know your reasons. You could be away or it could be financial but she doesn't need to know.

LindorDoubleChoc · 31/07/2024 13:44

Ooooh I hate being added to random WhatsApp groups! I would say "I'm really surprised to be added to this group. I wish nameofbride all the very best, but won't be coming to the hen do, and I'll be leaving the group" but them I'm quite a grumpy old boiler.

Peonies12 · 31/07/2024 13:46

Given you haven’t had a friendship for so long, just send a message saying you can’t make it but hope they have a great time, and leave. Would be different for a friend you are close with

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