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Original poster

My brother is going back in to teaching

45 replies

Nuttyjay · 14/07/2024 02:38

We are booking our wedding (abroad) as soon as 2026 dates go on sale. My brother has decided he is going to go back in to teaching after leaving it last year. we have a date we want but it is in September. If he speaks to the head now and says it is already booked do you think he is likely to get the time off as I won't have all the family there. It would be nice for him to be there as with family politics and health issues he may even be the only one that can go. If that was the case I would like him to be with me and walk me down the aisle. Or are we going to have to admit that we can't have that date and book out of term time

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 14/07/2024 02:53

Depeon his contract and ht.

Meadowfinch · 14/07/2024 03:02

I'd choose a home venue. Then you could have lots of family there.

Winter2020 · 14/07/2024 09:54

Doubtful he could have days off - if he did it would likely be unpaid. Can he afford unpaid time off work as well as going to a wedding abroad?

Why not have a small local wedding where your brother can walk you down the isle (at the weekend ir school holiday) and then honeymoon in your preferred place?

Edingril · 14/07/2024 09:55

Dont they have weddings where you live?

BigFatSober · 14/07/2024 09:58

Meadowfinch · 14/07/2024 03:02

I'd choose a home venue. Then you could have lots of family there.

Honestly, I agree with this. But if you really want the venue you might just need to g for it, but accept you won't have any family there.

I work in a secondary school and the odd day off is usually OK. More than that is a bit trickier but it might depend on the head teacher and HOD. Some are more flexible than others.

Rycbar · 14/07/2024 10:50

Depends entirely on the schools contract and how the headteacher is. My headteacher is incredibly supportive and would definitely let me attend a mid week wedding of close family but I think even she would struggle to allow an abroad holiday which would be at least 3 days…

longdistanceclaraclara · 14/07/2024 11:27

My husband couldn't have his dad's wedding off.

Longma · 14/07/2024 11:31

It will very much depend on the HT and their policies in this as many schools vary in what they will allow, and how long for.

He can't say it's booked now - it isn't from what you say and also it wasn't before he accepted the job. Prebooked holidays, etc can be taken into account but need to be brought up at the time of accepting the job, not at a later date.

As you are a very close relation he may be granted leave, although it may well be unpaid. However, it's often only for the day of the wedding and maybe 1 more day.

But you can't guarantee it will be granted and there is not much he can do,to,sway their decision making in it either.

LottieMary · 14/07/2024 11:34

He might - it’s likely to be heads discretion including whether it’s paid or not. He needs to ask. My head likely would

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/07/2024 11:37

Ours wouldn’t . Not for more than a day. If they did it would be unpaid.

But you are putting him in a very difficult position.

middleagedswiftie · 14/07/2024 11:38

Unfortunately I think it would be a bad start for your brother going in to a new job and immediately having time off in the first month. If it’s one day then it may not be as bad but will it longer than that? I’m a teacher and would hate to have to ask for time off immediately in a new job.

TodayForTomorrow · 14/07/2024 11:43

If the destination wedding is more important to you, then book it in the knowledge that there is a high chance he won't be there.

If having your brother there is the most important thing, have the ceremony in the UK and have a lovely honeymoon straight after.

ItsBinDayToday · 14/07/2024 11:46

Where I worked we would but it would need to have been booked, preferably before applying! it looks better to be honest.
i would also say we allowed teachers time off but not support staff. So I signed off a teacher going to his mates wedding on a Saturday, but he need Friday to travel (in U.K.) but I wasn’t allowed to sign off a long term support staff to catch a flight to her child’s wedding. She had to quit after 30 years.
i don’t work there anymore.

cloudy477654 · 14/07/2024 11:55

Hmmm September is doubtful tbh but he can only ask! Don't count on it being a yes though

HotTeaOnly · 14/07/2024 12:06

Heads discretion and my HT has allowed eg sibling wedding - but I doubt in September. She has said in the past discretionary days like thus couldn't be tacked onto school holidays either.
Sorry

Original poster
Nuttyjay · 16/07/2024 03:01

Due to family issues we don't want it in the UK as it is extremely hard work and just don't want the day ruined by it

OP posts:
TansySorrel · 16/07/2024 03:16

Nuttyjay · 16/07/2024 03:01

Due to family issues we don't want it in the UK as it is extremely hard work and just don't want the day ruined by it

If you can't have it at home, have it in school summer holiday if you want him there

Quitelikeacatslife · 16/07/2024 07:57

I would say if it's before he accepts job he could say it very upfront between offer and acceptance. But 2 days max in September and in our trust you'd get 1 day for immediate family wedding paid and one would be unpaid . But September is awful time for that. At least make it towards the end of month or probably impossible October would be better

HowIrresponsible · 16/07/2024 08:00

Nuttyjay · 16/07/2024 03:01

Due to family issues we don't want it in the UK as it is extremely hard work and just don't want the day ruined by it

If you're excluding most of your family already you can't make demands on your brother to attend when his job may not allow.

The world doesn't stop turning for your wedding

Gladespade · 16/07/2024 08:05

Please don’t ask your brother to do this, you’re putting him in a really difficult position. A day off for a wedding might be okay, but to travel abroad for one would be a no for most heads, partly because it would set a precedent and partly because schools are already stretched for staff.

DoreenonTill8 · 16/07/2024 08:06

HowIrresponsible · 16/07/2024 08:00

If you're excluding most of your family already you can't make demands on your brother to attend when his job may not allow.

The world doesn't stop turning for your wedding

Show quote history

Why would you have to tell them you're getting married if there's such issues, there'll still be fallout when they know the wedding happened! What about the Isle of Harris in Scotland, weekend commutable from most of UK if its a beach wedding you want?

My brother is going back in to teaching
malakkalakka · 16/07/2024 08:07

Nuttyjay · 16/07/2024 03:01

Due to family issues we don't want it in the UK as it is extremely hard work and just don't want the day ruined by it

His Head almost certainly won't give him the time off. I think if you make the choice to have a wedding abroad then you also make the choice to accept that quite a lot of people won't be able to make it.

NerrSnerr · 16/07/2024 08:08

I think it's unlikely he'll be able to take the time off. It's also likely that it'll be hugely expensive for him

Could you have a small wedding in the UK and not tell the people you don't want there?

Sandyankles · 16/07/2024 08:09

It’s seems unfair of you to put him in a position where he’ll have to ask this - it’s not the start he’ll want. It Might be cheaper for you in term time, but you will be passing the cost on to him as he is likely to have to take unpaid leave in the unlikely event that he was allowed to go.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 16/07/2024 08:09

Nuttyjay · 16/07/2024 03:01

Due to family issues we don't want it in the UK as it is extremely hard work and just don't want the day ruined by it

Sorry to be blunt, but if that’s your decision and you really want him there then don’t put him in an impossible position and book out of term time. Or acknowledge that he won’t be there. You need to decide what is most important to you.