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Original poster

My brother is going back in to teaching

45 replies

Nuttyjay · 14/07/2024 02:38

We are booking our wedding (abroad) as soon as 2026 dates go on sale. My brother has decided he is going to go back in to teaching after leaving it last year. we have a date we want but it is in September. If he speaks to the head now and says it is already booked do you think he is likely to get the time off as I won't have all the family there. It would be nice for him to be there as with family politics and health issues he may even be the only one that can go. If that was the case I would like him to be with me and walk me down the aisle. Or are we going to have to admit that we can't have that date and book out of term time

OP posts:

saraclara · 16/07/2024 08:13

September is the worst possible month to ask for time off, and in a new job? I'm really sorry, but I can't see it happening.

My colleague's brother's wedding was abroad. She was valued, had worked there for years, and wasn't a teaching colleague so it wasn't like cover was needed for classes. My head refused her two days time off.
Only when my colleague handed in her notice in response, did the head, extremely grudgingly, let her go.

Lovetotravel123 · 16/07/2024 08:23

I’m likely to be in this position soon (I am a teacher) and I have asked my relative if they could get married out of term time. I felt horrible trying to influence their special day, but I explained that this wouldn’t affect just me, but also anyone else with kids. They can’t be taken out of school and most parents need to save their leave for the holidays. So, it might not just be your brother who would be affected. Could you push the date out to October half term?

borntobequiet · 16/07/2024 08:27

September in a new teaching job?

Dreadful combination.

YorkshireTeaBiscuits · 16/07/2024 08:31

Do it in the October half term holidays then. It's really unfair of you to put him in this position particularly as you want him there.

Sandyankles · 16/07/2024 08:32

It’s just a really unkind thing to do - he’ll have to choose between annoying his new employer and upsetting his sister. He doesn’t need this when he’s focusing on his new job.

TheWoodlanders · 16/07/2024 08:32

He won’t be able to get time off. Book the wedding during holiday time (October half term, New Year, February half term, Easter, Summer) there are so many other times you could do it. Why pick the most difficult time of year?

BigDahliaFan · 16/07/2024 08:35

If you want him there have it in school holidays.

SuncreamAndIceCream · 16/07/2024 08:36

Start of Sept is not a good time to ask for time off. It might be an inset day but it's a lot of information for a new staff member about how the school operates & he might be at a disadvantage missing out on updates on behaviour policies & training.

If it isn't even booked yet, and you want your brother there, why can't you pick a date during school holidays? Doesn't have to be the summer. Lots of places have lovely weather october half term.

MrsW9 · 16/07/2024 08:54

I don't know any colleague who has needed to take time off for a midweek wedding. I imagine it would be very difficult for even a very understanding head to grant multiple days off. There is an impact on colleagues and kids of multiple days of cover.

As PP said, a termtime wedding abroad would also be hard for anyone with school-age kids. Would you consider school holidays? Or could you just having the wedding ceremony itself at the weekend so your brother could join for that?

Longdueachange · 16/07/2024 09:00

I think you have to make a choice of what is the most important to you - having a term time destination wedding or the attendance of your brother. With a destination wedding you are saying this is our wedding holiday, come if you like but your attendance isn't our priority. The only people I would go to a destination wedding for would be my actual children.

PerkyMintDeer · 16/07/2024 09:04

Seeing as school wouldn’t let me attend my foster sister’s funeral after she took her life, I’m going to say it’s unlikely, sorry.

You either need to book a weekend/bank/school holiday date or accept that you’re choosing to exclude your brother from the wedding.

ATribeCalledQuestion · 16/07/2024 09:07

Absolutely do not ask him to request time off in September in a new teaching job.

YouveGotAFastCar · 16/07/2024 09:55

You can absolutely have your wedding abroad, off-peak in September, but you can't realistically ask your brother to be there.

That may mean changing your expectations - you don't need someone to walk you down the aisle, for example, but if you really want him there, that's a sign to change your plans.

If the UK is out - although I'd also caveat that an abroad wedding won't stop the chaos that family can cause around it, sadly - then can you afford the extra cost to have it during the Summer holidays?

Those are your options really. Sort them into your priority list.

Summer holidays abroad, with brother
Home wedding, with brother
September abroad but no brother

rookiemere · 16/07/2024 10:55

You need to assume your DB won't get the time off, tbh I am not sure he should even ask as it reflects badly on his commitment to be asking for time off so soon in the term.

As others have said, your choices are wedding in the school holidays with DB or without in term time.

Sandyankles · 16/07/2024 11:48

Rookie - the brother DEFINITELY shouldn’t ask!! It would be an awful start, everyone knows teachers can’t take time off in term!

TooTiredOfThisShit · 16/07/2024 11:56

If you desperately want him there, then book a date he can attend.

Occasionally teachers do get released for a day (unpaid) if close family, but I've never worked in a school where he'd be allowed more than one day. Most schools I've worked in would refuse even the one day tbh, especially as he won't exactly be an established member of staff with a good track record.

NewName24 · 17/07/2024 22:21

There are some heads that will do what they can to support longstanding members of staff with the odd day off for a valid reason, but
a) not in September - the worst time of year
b) not for a holiday abroad
c) not when new in role.

You need to decide if having your brother there or having a September wedding abroad is more important to you.

Fuddley · 17/07/2024 22:27

If guests matter to you, you need to make it easy for the guests. If the location matter most, you'll need to accept guests might not be able to come.

IME some schools will allow a teacher a day or two to travel to a close family wedding but no more than that and I wouldn't want that to be the first thing I asked of my new school.

Awrite · 17/07/2024 22:34

Sounds like your brother is your one good relative. Don't reward him by putting him in this position.

Shell out for school holidays.

MercutiosFiddlestick · 17/07/2024 22:36

All the schools I have worked at (secondary) would allow one day off for a sibling’s wedding, possibly unpaid but I’d push for paid (as I never take time off) So, fly Friday, wedding Saturday, home Sunday. But, as the sibling in this scenario, I wouldn’t be overly happy as setting cover is arduous, travel is tiring and it would likely cost me £££. Obviously, if you lived abroad and were getting married there I’d completely understand but for a term-time destination wedding when you normally live up the road? I’d be secretly rolling my eyes and cursing you!

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