Will I regret family only destination wedding?

[Travellover94]

I am dead set on a destination wedding and want to keep things low cost.
We have also had problems with telling potential guests that it would be guest invite only (no partners) so we decided on a close family only wedding of 10 people.

However my DP would like for his BF and their wife and child to join us as his BM, as my sister is my MOH and he would not have a BM if his BF doesnt come- Im perfectly fine with this... However.....
I am now worried I will regret not having any of my own friends join us on our wedding day. But the other issue would be picking between friends. I have 8 friends that I am all equally close to so would not want to upset any by picking 2.

Do I take the risk of upsetting friends and only pick 2? Or stick to the original plan and have family only plus my DP's BF, his partner and child.

FYI- We will be having a party when we get home to celebrate with all friends and extended family so we will be celebrating with everyone anyway.

Thank you

Depending on cost your friends might be grateful not to be invited. I wouldn’t want to be invited to a destination wedding

I didn't nearly 16 years ago... just had a party when we got back much less stress and expense 😃

I think it's best not to have any rather than choose between your close friends

Are you paying for the family members you are inviting?

If I was invited to a wedding abroad without my DH I probably wouldn't go. Especially if I was expected to pay costs.

Personally I think it's a big ask you expect people to fly abroad for a wedding, even more so if they're expected to fund it themselves.

Also if the wedding location is going to be your honeymoon as well do you really want to spend your honeymoon with other people?

Family without their partners? So if I was your sister, my DH isn't invited? Yes, you might regret it as you might have disgruntled guests.

Was it no partners so then you decided on family only, or it is no partners of the invited family?

Assuming it is partners and children and there's nothing unfair about bringing the wife and child, the question is as you've asked that you won't have friends there?

But you have a sister to whom you are close enough that you are making her MOH. In my mind, that's the equivalent.

Picking between friends sounds like it will only cause problems.

Hi,
No to clarify, no partners were when we were going to have 50-60 people but now family only would be both sets of parents, siblings and partners and children and my partners best friend, his wife and their child

You are worrying too much about the wedding and not about your marriage.

You need partners. And either all friends or none.
My sister did this. And it kicked off so badly it ruined the after party.

I always wonder if it’s cheaper to do a small wedding, especially if abroad, and then a big party. How are you saving money if you host a big do afterwards for lots of people?

Assuming your guests are paying for their flights and accommodation you’re partly saving money on the ceremony by pushing the costs onto them. But as long as you’re open about it I guess that’s fine.

Does your fiancé have a sibling?

This is how we ended up with 30+ people in Mexico...
We did registry office just parents and grandparents ( grandparents not all well enough to travel) , then the plan was immediate family abroad (we'd already had tentative conversations and knew they were really up for going) , but mentioned to a few friends who were really keen, so opened up the invitation in a really casual we really don't expect anyone to travel that far and is it's just us we're five with that, we'll have a big party when we get back, but if anyone fancies a trip these are the details. So many more people than we anticipated wanted to come, friends and wider family.
What's the barrier to inviting more people in that way? Then no one feels left out, no one feels bad if they can't come because of the way you've asked.

@AnneLovesGilbert ours cost £16k ish including a two week 5* holiday in Mexico, big party at the yacht club after we got back, 140 ish people, catered but not sit down meal, first drink and a glass of fizz for a toast , but not a free bar. So much cheaper than a big wedding here. We live in the south east.

Either keep it to strictly close family, or invite anyone you would’ve asked to a local wedding.

There is no secret middle ground where you get to pick and choose friends and those who don’t make the cut aren’t hurt and/or offended.

I think just leave it from your side. You’ve got your MOH and your DH has his best man. Keep it small if that’s what you want.

So much cheaper than a big wedding here

Except for all the guests of course.

This! Cheaper for the bride and groom maybe, but ridiculously expensive for your guests!

Sgt june - cheaper? Have you included guests’ transport / accommodation? It might have been cheaper for you - but you passed the cost on to your guests! And the total cost is way higher!

I would stick with what you have. I had a small family wedding, we had my siblings and their partners & kids, my parents, my MIL and 3 friends of DH (he doesn’t have siblings) about 20 people total. It was great, very relaxed and I don’t regret it at all.

Don't put your friends in the awkward position of being expected to shell out a fortune for your destination wedding.

I would stick to the original plan, plus your partner's BF and his family, so your partner has a BM.
I wouldn't pick 2 of your friends, it will be hard and may cause upset between them.

@SgtJuneAckland

£16k??? That's so expensive. I'm having 80 to mine and it's costing £5k all in in the U.K., this includes full church wedding (circa 200 people), Prosecco toast and cake following the service at the church (for those not coming to the reception) then canapés and more fizz at the venue (we are allowing a 1.5 hour break for people to drive between the two and check in to local hotel if needed) 3 course sit down meal, custom designed by myself and the chef ( this was the fun bit!) wine, beer and soft drinks on the tables, then a band and nibbles in the evening with extra guests coming. In fact we could have easily saved a fair bit more but we need to meet the minimum spend at the venue! How can you spend more, I don't really understand? I'm having filet steak, truffle mash (and veg) which was far more than some other food of course, but it's my favourite

@bobomomo where do you live? My friend gets married next month 100 guests give or take and it's costing around 20k and that's not including a honeymoon, it's not a particularly expensive venue for where we live, just a nice hotel, there are definitely pricier options!

@bobomomo are you sure you don't have a decimal point in the wrong place?

The wedding is about you and your partner, I would personally be happy just having family there.
I look back at my wedding photos and my best friend (who was my bridesmaid-my sister was my MOH) at the time is hardly in my life anymore (not from lack of trying on my part!) We still talk, but not close.

Everyone will feel differently though, and it's how you feel about it all.

Congratulations on your engagement!