Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Original poster

Awkward situation

44 replies

weddingwaiting · 02/12/2023 16:50

We have invited a couple to our wedding. He is an usher.

He is the “original” friend and we know her as his partner however since they got together we have socialised with them as a couple often, and I have socialised with her once or twice just us girls and I would have called us friends - I invited her on my hen do.

They have now had a very unpleasant break up. Realistically she is unlikely to stay in the area and, although we like her, I would be surprised if we stayed in touch because of geography and loyalty to the original friend.

Do I need to check whether she is still going to come to our wedding? I probably wouldn’t go to a wedding under similar circumstances but I feel like the hen do is complicating things. It feels really unkind to uninvite her because I like her as a person and she hasn’t done anything to me. However, I really don’t want an awkward atmosphere or any drama at our wedding.

How do I navigate this?

OP posts:
Original poster
weddingwaiting · 11/12/2023 20:39

@Springcleaninginsummer i don’t mind if she attends the hen - it would be a bit odd but basically fine

OP posts:
MarieStellaMaris · 11/12/2023 20:39

Springcleaninginsummer · 11/12/2023 20:12

I think you need to make it more definite so she knows that you intend for her not to attend.

You sound lovely.

Original poster
weddingwaiting · 11/12/2023 20:40

To be clear I don’t feel good about any of this! I’m assuming she won’t even want to come to the wedding tbh, why would she? She doesn’t know anyone other than her ex and her ex’s friends

OP posts:
NoNoNanette · 11/12/2023 20:44

@weddingwaiting

I would be surprised if we stayed in touch because of geography and loyalty to the original friend.

For shame!

Fulshaw · 11/12/2023 20:47

When is the hen do?

Springcleaninginsummer · 11/12/2023 20:50

As lovely as turning up to a wedding to find that no-one really wants you there? It's best to be honest. She is not really a friend of the couple, is she?

Original poster
weddingwaiting · 11/12/2023 20:50

@weddingwaiting not really? It’s literally what happens most of the time. Her ex has been friends with my fiancé since they were 4 whereas we have known her less than 2 years and she is moving to a different part of the country.

OP posts:
Original poster
weddingwaiting · 11/12/2023 20:50

@Fulshaw in about 6 weeks

OP posts:
Original poster
weddingwaiting · 11/12/2023 20:51

Thank you @Springcleaninginsummer this is what I am saying - we weren’t friends with her outside of her being my fiancé’s friend’s gf and I made an effort to be nice to her because they moved near us

OP posts:
Blink1880 · 11/12/2023 21:11

When is the hen? Because my guess is that she will bail out of that if she’s moved far away.

also did you send seaparate invites or was it an “usher and girlfriend” type situation.

Original poster
weddingwaiting · 11/12/2023 21:14

@Blink1880 it was an “usher and girlfriend” situation although she was named I.e., not “plus one”

OP posts:
Original poster
weddingwaiting · 11/12/2023 21:15

@Blink1880 the hen is in 6 weeks and yes she won’t have anywhere to stay now (apart from our house but I was really clear with my SIL that I didn’t want anyone staying in my house so I won’t be making this an option)

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/12/2023 21:19

If she was invited as his plus one can he not ask her if she is still wanting to go or let her know that he won't be bringing her as a plus one?

Poor girl though - please don't any of you say anything to her except 'thinking of you sorry you're hurting at chirstams' unril the new year

MarieStellaMaris · 11/12/2023 21:21

So in fact you were practically forced to be a friend for 2 years and invite her to your wedding, and your hen night. Don't worry OP, I'm sure she'll take the hint that she's of no use to anyone anymore. Don't forget to refund her money.

Blink1880 · 11/12/2023 21:22

In that case I think she’s highly unlikely to be coming to either.

You sound caring of her feelings, but honestly in years to come you’re going to be like “who”? so it’s not worth tying yourself in knots over and certainly not worth risking tension at your wedding for.

Original poster
weddingwaiting · 11/12/2023 21:24

@Unexpectedlysinglemum she was named on the invitation - it was a joint invitation to them as a couple…although he did make the “joke” that he could bring someone else now. Hard no on that one

OP posts:
Original poster
weddingwaiting · 11/12/2023 21:26

@Blink1880 thank you, this is what another one of my fiancé’s friends thinks - that it’s my one wedding and she will get to go to lots of hen dos and weddings.

I just feel bad because she hasn’t done anything to me and I also hate excluding people and usually go out of my way to include everyone and be nice!

OP posts:
Blink1880 · 11/12/2023 21:39

I bent over backwards to accommodate stuff like this for my wedding (adding new partners at £100 a head, including a work colleague who had only been around a few months and had actually left the company before the wedding etc). Had a random friend of a friend at hen do who kicked off with a cousin etc.

It’s ten years later and when I see these randoms in my wedding photos I honestly think “why did I not just say no”. Am pretty sure most of them would struggle to recall my name now.

Original poster
weddingwaiting · 13/12/2023 18:30

Update: person in question messaged me this week and we ended up having to acknowledge that things were a bit awkward now. This felt like a natural time to send the difficult message about the wedding.

I sent her what I think was an as-kind-as-possible message saying I was assuming she didn’t want to come anymore and I thought that was for the best but she was still welcome on the hen do and it was nothing personal. She responded very reasonably saying she agreed it was probably best she didn’t come.

It doesn’t feel great but I do feel good for having sorted it out and not let it go on and on or create ambiguity.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread