Will I regret having my wedding abroad if family members can't come?

[YayaL]

Looking for advice! Myself and my fiance were hoping to get married in June 2024. We've been together for 10 years and have always said we would love to get married in Italy with close family and friends.

We have planned our perfect wedding but just as we were about to officially book everything, my mum and dad have said only one of them will be able to attend because the other will have to stay home and mind my sister who is disabled. I was hopeful she would be able to come but recently she has declined in ability and it doesn't seem to be a possibility. We have looked at multiple scenarios for this but none seem to provide a solution. (ie. she won't stay with a carer and she won't be able to travel etc) To be honest I don't think she would be able to attend a wedding regardless of where it is.

As part of our plan we will legally marry here in Ireland in the registry office and celebrate with dinner in a restaurant afterwards with family.

However, if we cancel the wedding we have planned in Italy, this will be the only thing we do as neither of us are too fond of traditional Irish weddings so we don't see the point spending money on something we don't really want. I won't bother with the wedding dress I wanted because I don't really see the point if the wedding party is so small and it wouldn't be a full ceremony, and we probably wouldn't get to celebrate with our friends because we just couldn't afford the same wedding party here in Dublin.

Part of me feels incredibly selfish for wanting to just go ahead with the day we want but I also don't want to risk regretting my wedding day forever by not doing what we wanted to do.

Has anyone had a similar experience? I'm heartbroken at the thought of cancelling our dream wedding and equally heartbroken at the thought of my Mum or Dad not being able to attend.

Thank you so much.. I had no idea Mumsnet had that reputation but I seem to be figuring that out now haha.

Your logic is the same as me...I just felt a bit guilty I guess, it being parents makes it harder to see sense I think :)

You sound like an amazing family.

I'm sorry that we're not casting any light on what you should do. Sadly it's a no win situation, and without knowing you all, it's really impossible to say which is the least worst option.

I just wish you well, that you have a lovely day wherever it is, that the missing parent can be involved in some way and that the one who attends can enjoy without guilt.

You may not be able to get your head around it but some people want the marriage more than they want a "wedding day". And view it as vows that they're making to each other. Without needing witnesses.

Personally, ridiculous to have a huge wedding abroad when most people can't afford it what with the COL. not getting any better as the world is on fire right now so prices will just go up, petrol, food, etc.

If that is what you both want, go for it and have the party on return, like next summer, or whenever you want/can afford with friends and family.

Hello,
Our wedding is not in Malcesine castle.
We are having our wedding in a small restaurant that has meaning to us in another small town on the lake.

Most of our guests will be able to fly free of charge or very cheap because of who they work for. Myself and my fiance would be organising transfers to and from the airport. All guests will have to pay is accomodation which is no more expensive than a hotel stay in Ireland would be. We have made sure the flights allow people to spend 2 days (so just for the wedding if they want) or if people want to make a holiday of it, which many have said they will, they can stay for a week, two weeks, however long they want.

And yes we have been able to budget all of this under the cost of a minimal Irish wedding. Our guests have had weddings abroad themselves which myself and my Fiance have attended. They are all very excited about making holidays out of our wedding.

I understand cost of weddings for guests is a popular topic but not really why I came on here haha.

I'm not having a 'huge wedding' abroad and nobody said my guests can't afford it.

Well, you shouldn't feel guilty and neither should your parents.
As much as it's about the 'marriage not the wedding' your bond as a family is still strong even if one of your parents can't physically be there.

You are also your mother's daughter. They want you to be happy too. Of course, we don't know your parents but I disagree with PP saying your mum is 'secretly heartbroken and wanting you to cancel' the abroad wedding.

Instead, knowing that one of them is likely to miss out anyway. They want you to have the wedding of your dreams and be happy. Especially as so much of your life has already been dictated by your sister's needs. Why deny yourself this thing that you really want? This won't be the first time and neither will it be the last.

Your parents have worked so hard as you said in ensuring your sister's needs don't eclipse yours. They are the only people you should listen to. Not strangers on the internet. They have given you their blessing so don't feel guilty. Go get married abroad in peace and joy.

Thank you <3 Really appreciate it :)

@CurlyhairedAssassin but op is clearly worried she will regret not having family so obviously isn't that sort of person.

Thank you so much <3

Thank you to everyone who was able to give me advice on this thread. I really appreciate those of you who understood what I was saying <3

I won't be watching or replying to any more comments.

You seem to have changed what you are saying...I don't think You mentioned before that only one parent could attend if the wedding was in Ireland..I thought that was only the situation if abroad as your sister can't be without them at night time.
If you had the wedding in Ireland could your parents leave your sister with respite carers for the day time only and return home for night time?