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Original poster

Wedding table arrangements with divorced parents

54 replies

fizzysoda · 25/09/2023 09:06

Wondering if anyone has any ideas or if I should just ditch the idea?

I wanted to name tables after the dates of important family weddings e.g. there would be a table called 1964 which would be after my grandparents wedding and a photo of them at their wedding would be part of the centrepiece. I thought this would be a nice way to remember relatives who are no longer with us and a little talking point.

But my partners parents are divorced and his dad has remarried. I’m not sure if I can go ahead with the idea without offending people. I either offend his mum/dad/step mum by not including them in the table names at all. Or offend them by having a reminder of a marriage they’re no longer in/an ex-wife/a new wife.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
IncomingTraffic · 25/09/2023 09:50

Pick a theme that’s about your relationship instead.

LaLaLouella · 25/09/2023 09:51

Have to agree with everyone saying pick another theme - there are literally hundreds to choose from which won't potentially upset and alienate your future in-laws....

DisforDarkChocolate · 25/09/2023 10:46

Grandparents only and famous weddings from the same years?

Hilly17 · 25/09/2023 11:12

If you like travel then pick places you have visited with a photo of it/you there placed on each table. That's what we did.

HoppingPavlova · 25/09/2023 11:16

This would only work if everyone was happily married with no remarriages, be it due to death or divorce. Otherwise, just no.

Soontobe60 · 25/09/2023 11:20

I bet for all of those who’ve had to spend hours stressing over table names, not one of the guests at their wedding will have remembered the names by the next day!
Just have a seating plan board, give the tables a number and leave them to it.

WandaWonder · 25/09/2023 11:22

If a thing needs to be thought of I wouldn't do it, the theme may mean something to you but other people might not get it so if it is not obvious overall I would drop it

MrsMoastyToasty · 25/09/2023 11:24

Just number them 1-12. None of the guests will care or notice.

GyozaGirl · 25/09/2023 11:41

Don’t do this it may b too painful for some and not even main party guests. I went to a wedding where they had book covers as the table plans. We didn’t bigeye with anything like this.

JRM17 · 25/09/2023 22:25

Wow what a way to piss off the in laws before the ink is dry on the marriage certificate.

GreenFields07 · 25/09/2023 22:30

Sorry I have to agree with the majority here, pick a different theme. Why would you risk insulting people on a very special day that should be happy tears and smiles!! We had a beach theme and picked beaches that were special to some of our family. Could you do places that are special to some of your family members? And if you want to commemorate those that cant be there, just do the usual memory table with pictures and a nice poem or something. Its lovely that you want to include the family, but sorry I think you're thinking too much into it and making it complicated for not really any benefit and just causing potential upset

redteapot · 26/09/2023 05:31

I would avoid this naming theme as it will definitely cause upset and discomfort. As a pp suggested, perhaps do a memory table instead where you could set out all of the family wedding photos that you want to share.
I have a vague memory of seeing one at a wedding several years ago but as it wasn't my family it didn't really stick - it was clearly important to the couple though so it was a nice way to do it.

Purplerain0505 · 26/09/2023 07:36

Throughabushbackwards · 25/09/2023 09:12

We had no seating arrangements at all - we had a top table, then very long trestle tables and people sat wherever they wanted. Avoided all sorts of bother like this. Our guests said they loved it too.

We did this as well but with no top table. DH and I just grabbed seats and sat amongst everyone. It was lovely!

I would scrap the wedding years idea op. I think it would go down like a lead balloon for those who later divorced/remarried and you never know who might be unhappy in their marriage as well.

Phos · 26/09/2023 07:37

What’s wrong with just having table numbers?

RampantIvy · 26/09/2023 07:38

Soontobe60 · 25/09/2023 11:20

I bet for all of those who’ve had to spend hours stressing over table names, not one of the guests at their wedding will have remembered the names by the next day!
Just have a seating plan board, give the tables a number and leave them to it.

I agree. The guests won't care.

SayingwhatIreallythink · 26/09/2023 07:40

Throughabushbackwards · 25/09/2023 09:12

We had no seating arrangements at all - we had a top table, then very long trestle tables and people sat wherever they wanted. Avoided all sorts of bother like this. Our guests said they loved it too.

The only wedding I’ve been to like this I hated it. People ended up shuffling round so couples could sit together and I ended up sitting next to nobody I knew, dispute the fact I had loads of uni friends present that I would have loved to have spent time with.

Imisssleep2 · 26/09/2023 07:57

I would change the idea personally, maybe dates important to just the two of you? Holidays through your time together? Or if you really want that idea limit it to people no longer with you, maybe your of birth or death years for individuals, and year for an undivorced couple and split between the two families

JPduck · 26/09/2023 08:11

We did dates / events significant to me and my husband.
During the marriage ceremony we lit a special candle for the family members who had passed along with an empty chair at a place setting to signify those missing.
We still have the special candle 12 years later.

2chocolateoranges · 26/09/2023 08:19

Definitely pick a different theme, you don’t want to get anyone upset on your big day.

why don’t you pick dates special to you and your new dh. Eg the date you met, the date you got engaged, your first holiday together etc.

IncomingTraffic · 26/09/2023 08:58

I bet for all of those who’ve had to spend hours stressing over table names, not one of the guests at their wedding will have remembered the names by the next day!

Except, I’d imagine, if the couple had chosen a theme that created a bit of a family spat or just whispers of one - like using wedding dates of your divorced and remarried parents. That’s how to make sure that people remember your theme.

Original poster
fizzysoda · 26/09/2023 09:02

Thanks everyone for your replies, idea well and truly scrapped haha! Mumsnet has saved me 😂

OP posts:
Danikm151 · 26/09/2023 09:04

Why don’t you do dates and photos from events in your relationship instead.

Ffion21 · 26/09/2023 12:02

Horrific idea. Don’t do it.

nobody will remember your place/table names. However they will never forget if you do this and not at all for positive reasons.

fadingfast · 26/09/2023 12:47

Why do tables need a ‘name’ or a ‘theme’ at all? Literally no one will care or remember.

RampantIvy · 26/09/2023 12:52

Yes, I wondered that as well @fadingfast