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Original poster

Wedding table arrangements with divorced parents

54 replies

fizzysoda · 25/09/2023 09:06

Wondering if anyone has any ideas or if I should just ditch the idea?

I wanted to name tables after the dates of important family weddings e.g. there would be a table called 1964 which would be after my grandparents wedding and a photo of them at their wedding would be part of the centrepiece. I thought this would be a nice way to remember relatives who are no longer with us and a little talking point.

But my partners parents are divorced and his dad has remarried. I’m not sure if I can go ahead with the idea without offending people. I either offend his mum/dad/step mum by not including them in the table names at all. Or offend them by having a reminder of a marriage they’re no longer in/an ex-wife/a new wife.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 25/09/2023 09:08

Oh have you sorted the settings out ? If I was you I'd scrap that idea it's just going to cause bad feelings and awkwardness.

ShirleyPhallus · 25/09/2023 09:09

Why don’t you do key years instead that have a nice link to something within the family? So you could do year your partners mum had a big birthday if it was a good family memory / year dad learnt to drive aged 60 / year you had a nice family holiday etc? Then you can use photos of your partner with them as the centre piece (like a photo of your partner and dad at butlins in 1996 etc)

Mrsjayy · 25/09/2023 09:10

Can you do a surname thing instead so photos of grandparents mum/dad's married and Maiden names.

Whataretheodds · 25/09/2023 09:12

ShirleyPhallus · 25/09/2023 09:09

Why don’t you do key years instead that have a nice link to something within the family? So you could do year your partners mum had a big birthday if it was a good family memory / year dad learnt to drive aged 60 / year you had a nice family holiday etc? Then you can use photos of your partner with them as the centre piece (like a photo of your partner and dad at butlins in 1996 etc)

This is a good idea. Dad passed his test. Mum graduated, etc.

Don't do family weddings.

You could also do locations - town where grandparents got married, places you've each lived/lived or been together.

Throughabushbackwards · 25/09/2023 09:12

We had no seating arrangements at all - we had a top table, then very long trestle tables and people sat wherever they wanted. Avoided all sorts of bother like this. Our guests said they loved it too.

Lovingitallnow · 25/09/2023 09:14

I wanted pics of my parents and his at their weddings but DM didn't wear a wedding dress and was afraid she'd stand out and people would think it was weird so I just did grandparents instead.

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 25/09/2023 09:15

If they’re remarried, surely do the year they’re married to the new partner, or the year they met if they’re not married.

Unless I’m missing something I don’t understand why this wouldn’t work if it’s an idea that you want to pursue.

twirlytwot · 25/09/2023 09:16

I went to a wedding and the tables were named after brands of gin, with the centrepiece being gin trees of that table's brand.

That said the bride is a fairly practical and not overly emotional woman so it suited her vibe perfectly

Mrsjayy · 25/09/2023 09:17

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 25/09/2023 09:15

If they’re remarried, surely do the year they’re married to the new partner, or the year they met if they’re not married.

Unless I’m missing something I don’t understand why this wouldn’t work if it’s an idea that you want to pursue.

Because the remarrieds isn't his mum and dad the Op seems to want to do a happy family lovely marraige theme.

gogomoto · 25/09/2023 09:17

Id pick a less controversial option. Most guests would have no idea of the significance and it's not as clear as a single number or name

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 25/09/2023 09:19

That’s what I don’t get, why does happy marriage mean it’s got to be the first one? If everyone’s happy now surely that’s a good thing. Obviously might not work if one person is single and there is ill feeling but if that’s not the case OP seems to be overthinking it.

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 25/09/2023 09:20

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 25/09/2023 09:15

If they’re remarried, surely do the year they’re married to the new partner, or the year they met if they’re not married.

Unless I’m missing something I don’t understand why this wouldn’t work if it’s an idea that you want to pursue.

This was going to be my suggestion. Can't you just use their relationships with their new partners? I doubt that'd offend them as I'm sure they wouldn't want their wedding photo up at the venue anyway, I know I wouldn't want a picture of me and my ex as a centrepiece at a family event.

Netcam · 25/09/2023 09:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

SoupDragon · 25/09/2023 09:21

I think it's a dreadful idea given the divorce.

TheFallenMadonna · 25/09/2023 09:24

Nope. Agree with Soupdragon. Potential talking point in entirely the wrong way.

Blough · 25/09/2023 09:25

@Netcam it's about table names, not seating arrangements?
I'd just think of a different topic, or, plain old 1-10.

OlizraWiteomQua · 25/09/2023 09:25

That's a really terrible idea for table names in the context of divorced people in the wedding party. Do something different like having tables named for who was in #1 the music charts the day of each of the bride & grooms birth, 10th birthday, 16th & 21st etc, and the week of the day you met.

Isometimeswonder · 25/09/2023 09:27

Just no. It's twee and overly sentimental anyway. Add divorced parents and it's just silly.

Netcam · 25/09/2023 09:27

Blough · 25/09/2023 09:25

@Netcam it's about table names, not seating arrangements?
I'd just think of a different topic, or, plain old 1-10.

Sorry, realised I'd misread it!

Rugbycomet · 25/09/2023 09:29

My daughter has just got married and she didn’t have a top table. She seated everyone on a table who basically knew each other and would be happy with each other’s company. It worked really well. The tables were all round so there wasn’t anyone sitting at the end of a long table.

Blough · 25/09/2023 09:32

@Rugbycomet it's not about seating arrangements.

Slipslidinginthefray · 25/09/2023 09:32

Don’t do this
there are loads of other things you can theme the tables on that won’t upset people. Why pursue this one when you already recognise it’s contentious

Hill1991 · 25/09/2023 09:32

If you want to celebrate with the ones not with you now why don't you do a memory table or display with photos/information about the people that's what my bil did when he got married

24HoursFromTulseHillEstate · 25/09/2023 09:33

Use your imagination and choose another idea!

It’s way too insensitive. And random and irrelevant to most of the guests.

Choose names of places you and your partner had great or funny times in. Or your favourite films.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/09/2023 09:43

No op do a big swerve on this one. How about places special to you and dh? Dates special to you and DH so 21st May, 4th February, your table could be your wedding date, yours and DHs birthdays etc.