How do you make sure it’s a good party?

[weddingwaiting]

Thinking about what makes a wedding a good party today.

Went to a wedding last year that was just a really good party, everyone had a great time and was up for a laugh. Went to a wedding recently however where the vibes were just…off? Perfectly fine wedding but not a party atmosphere.

FH and I are really keen for our wedding to just be a really good party and this recent wedding has got him worried.

How do you get the party atmosphere going?

Things we are doing:

• starting later in the day so hopefully guests won’t run out of steam
• venue with bar in dance floor area, not separate
• not a cash bar - we haven’t decided if it will be totally open or not yet but we will certainly stick a grand or two behind there to get the party started.

FH is really worried about the music - we have been to two weddings recently where the DJ doesn’t seem to have changed his playlist in the last 20 years so will be trying to head that off at the pass.

What else?

Also a Spotify playlist removes the chance of a dj ignoring your choices/ guests can do requests. Been to some great residing where there was a phone plugged in rather than a dj.

at the same time if people realise its a free bar ,then it could be ill have however many of x and the most expensive of x, and that could soon easily eat up the budget.

b) DONT put money behind the bar because a handful of dickheads will rinse it in the first 45 minutes and then everyone else will have to pay for a couple of wines later and they’ll be pissed off

Is there an option to give guests drinks tokens to avoid guests taking the piss? Or only providing wine and beer. Anyone wanting spirits can buy their own. At a family wedding this year only the wine was paid for, and the waiters kept coming round with the wine so that no-one missed out.

I suspect people would find tokens bad form at a wedding. I’ve seen people put out beers in ice buckets and offer wine in place of a free bar which seems like a decent compromise. Or paying for extra Prosecco with the meal may be a good idea.

and offer wine in place of a free bar

This is what we had at a family wedding. It went down well.

I’m thinking money behind the bar with stipulations which I have seen before “no doubles, bubbles or shots”

We are paying for wine in our package…the DJ is also included with the venue which makes me nervous but I’m hoping we can just have a frank conversation with the coordinator

Mr Brightside is obviously a must

I went to a fab wedding yesterday, I have been to over 35 weddings from a quick registrars office and pub lunch to three day massive Chinese weddings where the bride changes her dress a few times through the day and as a guest you need three outfits and it costs the guest a fortune to attend.

They had a guitarist, nice outside space, a good DJ and had asked people to send a request in with the RSVP. They didn’t spend ages taking loads of photos or make guests wait ages for food. The bride did a fine job of matching people and our table was an absolute hoot though DH and I had never met any of them before. It really was one of the best weddings I have ever been to. In the big garden there was mini golf, skittles and some other outside games for adults and children. Also no long speeches, just two, a very meaningful one and a really funny one, food was not over complex but was really good. A free bar is a risk, we had one at our wedding and two guests ended up throwing up. DH is white English, my Chinese family just didn’t get having a free bar at all and the two puking caused quite a dignified ripple through my family. Losing face at a wedding is a definite no no.

The worst are really formal English weddings that are trying to be upmarket events where the bride wants to be a Princess held in some sort of low grade stately home or alleged 4 star hotel where you are served overcooked veg and dry chicken at a sit down dinner you have been waiting for hours for because the Bride and Groom want insta perfect photos and neglected timings. Been to a couple of those.

Went to a brilliant wedding in Canada last month. Party was fantastic. It all ran very smoothly as there was an MC. They also played a couple of fun games, 1 rep from each table, it got pretty competitive. The bride and groom did that game where you sit back to back and have to say who is the best dancer/ messiest/ says sorry first etc by raising the shoe of either bride or groom. (They gave each other a shoe at start of game).

Lovely, genuine speeches that were brief and not trying to be hilarious! Free bar but didn't notice any out of control drunkeness. Great DJ who took requests and had clearly been well briefed on bride family music (country), groom's family (top Asian hits) and even played Sprinter for the teen UK kids.

I also worked weddings as a student and plenty had drink tokens, which worked well. I don't know what kind of venue you worked at but I worked many as casual event staff. Some don't bother to ensure fair distribution, it makes more money for the venue anyway if the 'money behind bar' is used up ASAP so everyone else is forced to buy drinks. Clued up people make sure to request a system, tokens are the most popular way.

Unlike in the U.S cash bars are common so people arrive expecting to pay for their drinks apart from a free welcome drink and one with the meal. No idea why you'd think tokens bad form when it's giving people free drinks, more than expected. Everyone knows that a few twats can finish the lot without a system in place.

I worked at various venues also as causal staff and never saw tokens or heard anyone mention them, ever. I’ve also never been to a wedding with tokens or heard of anyone who’s been to one! I feel like I once saw a thread about them on MN (but could have been a different forum) and people felt it was bad form - which as you point out doesn’t really make sense but there you go. I don’t think it’s a popular system unless it’s highly regional or has happened in the last 5 years - which is possible.

I think tokens wound be more effective than ‘no doubles, bubbles or shots’ cos you can get round that pretty easily by just ordering eg. 3 single gin and tonics for yourself.

I mean really i just think bride and groom can save themselves money because money behind the bar doesn’t really add to people’s enjoyment of the day if there has been food and drink with the meal, especially if there’s still some wine/Prosecco/beer knocking around. It doesn’t necessarily make it a party either, the things everyone else said is what make it more of a party.

“Unlike in the U.S cash bars are common so people arrive expecting to pay for their drinks apart from a free welcome drink and one with the meal.”

tbf I would find two drinks stingy so if that’s the benchmark then yeah I can see why you’d want think putting money behind the bar would make sense! I would expect more than that with a meal. My friend recently had a wedding and she had a drinks package that allowed for half a bottle per (drinking) person each at the meal. It ended up being bottles left on tables which was fine.

Got to dash but a quick answer from me would be dont have all up to date music, play some oldies or things like Take That or Queen them people will get up and dance!

It just seems strange to expect people who have been socialising all day and probably up early and done sone travelling to want to "start partying" at 7.30pm

It makes more sense in a USA evening wedding when you arrive 6pm and everything done then. Not if been at a wedding since 11.30am.

A great night out in my youth didn't actually include dancing sober at 7.30 with my parents on one side and aunt Agatha on another.

(Anyway weddings where you can have a space to catch up in the evening with others, with a chair and not drowned out by music. I prefer to leave around 9ish these days if I have been there all day)

@burnoutbabe I agree - we aren’t starting until 4pm

Good food and good music. Limit speeches in both number and length. Start the dancing early.

I think a good mix of music is a must, yes your friends are all your age but what about the family, parents, aunts, uncles etc.

We are starting with a bit of old but gold, then building up pace to finish with some absolute bangers an hour of pure bouncy tunes, something for everyone that way.

Plus DP and I are in our 30s and still love having a dance to some classics, love train, Ricky Martin, Shania Twain, proud Mary, jitter bug, penny arcade, brown eyed girl. Any one of those gets me racing to the dance floor!

DD and fiancé are having 2 bars. One will be in an adjacent room. Live band then dj until late. More food at 10.30 to keep everyone going. Cocktails to get everyone started! If it’s anything like her 21st it will be a party. 200 plus invited - if they are all dull, heaven help us! Free drinks all night. Ceremony starts at 2.30 pm and carriages at 1 am.