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Original poster

How do you make sure it’s a good party?

95 replies

weddingwaiting · 15/09/2023 12:25

Thinking about what makes a wedding a good party today.

Went to a wedding last year that was just a really good party, everyone had a great time and was up for a laugh. Went to a wedding recently however where the vibes were just…off? Perfectly fine wedding but not a party atmosphere.

FH and I are really keen for our wedding to just be a really good party and this recent wedding has got him worried.

How do you get the party atmosphere going?

Things we are doing:

  • starting later in the day so hopefully guests won’t run out of steam
  • venue with bar in dance floor area, not separate
  • not a cash bar - we haven’t decided if it will be totally open or not yet but we will certainly stick a grand or two behind there to get the party started.

FH is really worried about the music - we have been to two weddings recently where the DJ doesn’t seem to have changed his playlist in the last 20 years so will be trying to head that off at the pass.

What else?

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Original poster
weddingwaiting · 15/09/2023 18:33

@readingmakesmehappy i’m not sure pregnant women are generally known for bringing the ruckus 😅

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Original poster
weddingwaiting · 15/09/2023 18:35

@IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads people will be well fed. We are getting married late afternoon so there won’t be the awkward thing of meals at odd times or lots of hanging around it should be ceremony to photos to dinner within 1hr30minutes

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zazazoop · 15/09/2023 18:39

Booze! Free bar, good speeches, good music, sat with people you know and like rather split up and forced to make awkward conversations

readingmakesmehappy · 15/09/2023 18:39

weddingwaiting · 15/09/2023 18:33

@readingmakesmehappy i’m not sure pregnant women are generally known for bringing the ruckus 😅

But they do want nice non-booze drinks! (DH and I don't drink and we have been to weddings where it's only water if you're not drinking wine and it always puts a bit of a downer on the event for us)

MissBiljanaElectronika · 15/09/2023 18:44

Good music, free flowing bar/drinks

It also helps if lots of people know eachother, it's good to have a few groups (eg friendship groups) who are allowed to sit together and get up and dance 😁

I've been to a few weddings where everything was very controlled/contrived, an endless dinner with speeches and our friendship group was splintered over many tables as otherwise we might have "too much fun" (this is literally what the bride said 😁) and alcohol was limited.

She managed to make it very formal and not fun, no dancing really, but that's how she wanted it.

If you both want a party you'll get a party 😁

Original poster
weddingwaiting · 15/09/2023 18:52

@MissBiljanaElectronika thanks - we were just chatting about how maybe it will help that we have introduced the different groups in our lives multiple times before:

  • Our parents actually socialise without us
  • my brothers have hung out with FH’s childhood friends and will all be on the stag together
  • Our local friends have all met my parents before
  • Future ILs know FHs friends really well as both have done work for them in the past.
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Doggydarling · 15/09/2023 18:53

A good band (or two). We ended up with two bands instead of a band followed by a dj and 15 years later people still comment on it, they were big bands and the music was great so that filled the floor. Good wine, we don't drink so we got a knowledgeable friend to pick it, he didn't agree with any the hotel had so we have it supplied to the hotel, make sure there is enough of it. Choose the seating plan carefully, we're from different places and mixed each table, some bride guests, some groom guests but we put time into picking who sat with who.

xyz111 · 15/09/2023 19:05

A DJ totally makes or breaks it, but it's the type of music that is asked for. The DJ that played at my wedding was amazing, but I specifically said no cheese (no Macarena!!), I wanted an old skool garage section, a Ibiza classic section etc. it was great and we danced all night!! Then the same DJ played at my friends wedding and it wasn't great, full of cheese like s club 7, Saturday night and some really old stuff. I didn't enjoy it and not many people danced. Then the same DJ again recently did another wedding I went to and it was like mine, everyone dancing from 7pm-1am (burnt so many calories that night) 🤣. I know everyone's musics tastes are different, but having good tunes that the majority of people will like is key.

Also as you said, having the bar in the same room is good. Otherwise you end up losing your guests all in different rooms.

MrsMoastyToasty · 15/09/2023 19:05

No karaoke! Don't let the DJ do a karaoke section. It divides the guests into 1. Those who can sing. 2. Those who think they can sing, but can't 3. Those who are rushing for the exits.

Original poster
weddingwaiting · 15/09/2023 19:07

@xyz111 thank you that’s encouraging. I’m not worried about our music taste - my fiancé definitely knows what is and isn’t a banger - but I am worried about DJs not taking direction. My cousin’s wedding they said they were only allowed to choose 10 songs?? Is this a thing?

That DJ was awful - people weren’t dancing but he wouldn’t take requests.

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Original poster
weddingwaiting · 15/09/2023 19:08

@MrsMoastyToasty do people do karaoke at weddings?!

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Original poster
weddingwaiting · 15/09/2023 19:09

@readingmakesmehappy fair enough! It definitely won’t just be water if for no other reason than my mild Pepsi addition. It’s a “fully stocked bar” which I interpret to include a range of soft drinks/mixers

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MrsMoastyToasty · 15/09/2023 19:22

@weddingwaiting yup, they do. I've been to several wedding receptions where half the guests are in the lobby of the venue escaping the catterwauling.

Best wedding- mine - involved a relative who's a bagpiper playing popular tunes during the DJs break.

Original poster
weddingwaiting · 15/09/2023 19:24

@MrsMoastyToasty I’ve done well to escape that one then! I feel like it would just kill the vibe tbh

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BrideNovToBe · 15/09/2023 19:38

Surely it depends on your guests? Were you able to pinpoint why the other wedding, was, ahem not 'much of a party'? Did encouragement to dance fall flat? Were people happy just as they were?
I'm getting married soon and my wedding is deliberately going to be a cosy sort of affair. Afternoon tea, people milling around and chatting, no dance floor, DJ or loud party music.
A lot of our guests are not party people, so it would be pointless to force them. DH and I also don't particularly want to let our hair down and go wild in front of our relatives.
After the wedding the younglings are going to hit the town and we will paint it red... but during the wedding breakfast? Nah.

I mean, I've had people over, played some music and made a party atmosphere because that's what the crowd was like, other times people were content to just chat. It's quite annoying when you're in the mood for the latter actually and people force you to 'party'.

Also different people like different things, they vibe was off to you but others might have liked it. Not everyone likes partying. When I want to party I go clubbing, when I want deep conversations I go to bars with an acceptable volume of music. Both are fun! No partying isn't the same as a generally awkward atmosphere.

Throughabushbackwards · 15/09/2023 19:47

Also going to say music. We had a ceilidh in a quaint old church hall. It sounds old fashioned but it was bloody awesome! We had every generation of people up dancing, younger couples loved it, our gay friends loved it, the grandparents loved it. My boss was seen swinging my mother across the floor!

UsernamePain · 15/09/2023 19:48

we had a live band- it made the night. The bar was just off the dance floor and we made sure that there was plenty of buffet food to soak up the alcohol.
ww had great guests up for a laugh and who loved to dance ♥️

Original poster
weddingwaiting · 15/09/2023 19:51

@BrideNovToBe your wedding sounds lovely and I wouldn’t expect it to be a Big Night from what you have described. This wedding was definitely supposed to be a party; ran until midnight, DJ, dance floor

I think part of the problem was the music wasn’t great and also immediate family/bridal party not really dancing.

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Original poster
weddingwaiting · 15/09/2023 19:54

I should add that I think the bride (well the bride, I didn’t much see the groom) seemed to have a lovely time so it possibly doesn’t matter in that sense. I just really want people to come away from our wedding feeling like they had a good night out with the buzz that you get from that which is what I have definitely had from other weddings.

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husbandcallsmepickle · 15/09/2023 20:02

I would say that guests should be able to request songs on the night, rather than a preplanned playlist. Our DJ totally ruined our reception as he wouldn't play guests' requests (actually threw a hissy fit after receiving some) and played what he wanted which totally emptied the dance floor.

Original poster
weddingwaiting · 15/09/2023 20:04

@husbandcallsmepickle this is my worst nightmare and I have seen it happen before! Did you not say anything? I feel like we are paying them they should play what we want which is definitely no 80s - I do not want a whiff of Saturday Night or I Wanna Dance with Somebody.

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husbandcallsmepickle · 15/09/2023 20:10

@weddingwaiting somehow the worst of it was kept from me as I was only told the next day. Due to the layout of the venue, we were in the bar area mingling with the evening guests who had arrived when the worst of it took place

Original poster
weddingwaiting · 15/09/2023 20:20

@husbandcallsmepickle i think I’m just going to have to proactively address this. My fiancé practically had an argument with the DJ at a wedding who refused to play his request which he asked for several times when no one was dancing as he knew it would bring people to the dance floor. The DJ refused and refused saying it wasn’t the right crowd until he eventually relented and, as predicted, people flocked to the dance floor because it was a total banger

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BathingBeauty · 15/09/2023 20:27

Music being too loud for the size of the room is a bugbear of mine, if you can’t hear the person your sitting next to without screaming, it’s too loud.
Not an issue if there are other rooms to go to, but often there isn’t.

Also if people haven’t been fed and watered well then they won’t be in a good mood for the evening.
I went to a dreadful wedding once which was almost depressing. We only were invited to the night do, as were most people. We’d all driven, evening food choice was small and poor, no drinks. Bride and groom ignored everyone and then came over and complained everyone wasn’t dancing. There had only been a handful of daytime guests, not enough to get the party going in an enormous room. Everyone went home early.

Original poster
weddingwaiting · 15/09/2023 20:32

@BathingBeauty that sounds like a nightmare. What was the food out of interest? Was the music also poor?

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