How do you make sure it’s a good party?

[weddingwaiting]

Thinking about what makes a wedding a good party today.

Went to a wedding last year that was just a really good party, everyone had a great time and was up for a laugh. Went to a wedding recently however where the vibes were just…off? Perfectly fine wedding but not a party atmosphere.

FH and I are really keen for our wedding to just be a really good party and this recent wedding has got him worried.

How do you get the party atmosphere going?

Things we are doing:

• starting later in the day so hopefully guests won’t run out of steam
• venue with bar in dance floor area, not separate
• not a cash bar - we haven’t decided if it will be totally open or not yet but we will certainly stick a grand or two behind there to get the party started.

FH is really worried about the music - we have been to two weddings recently where the DJ doesn’t seem to have changed his playlist in the last 20 years so will be trying to head that off at the pass.

What else?

@BathingBeauty although I’m really sad for the B&G that people left early! Although I have to say I never really consider that an option at weddings - I always assume I am there for the night regardless of how much fun I am having

Just a very small choice of some deep fried food. It was horrible.
I can’t tell you what the music was like as we were all in a bad mood TBH. Some people had travelled a long way just for the evening bit and to be ignored was just rude.
There was literally 2 drunk couples (daytime guests) dancing on an enormous dancefloor. So odd.

Following as I’m getting married in less than 2 weeks

Not too much hanging around for the guests doing nothing while you have loads of photos taken. That makes for an awful wedding for me every time. Especially if I don’t know many people at the wedding. And the table plan, sit people with their friends and people they know as much as possible. Then a good DJ or band and lots of alcohol should do it too.

We had a Drag Queen DJ to help get our party started, she was great, did a turn at singing, then had had everyone laughing and was great getting the dance floor full.

See, the 80's tunes are likely the only ones that would get me near the dance floor.

We didn’t have a seating plan. If people knew each other they could sit together. If they didn’t know many people, our friends and family made them feel welcome. That’s just how our family is though. It led to some interesting combinations but everyone found someone to sit with.

We had a tea/coffee station. People could go and help themselves. I think that made people feel at home. There were many cakes of all descriptions, which our guests made instead of presents. There was a cheese/buiscuit/savoury snack area. We didn’t want people to feel they had to eat at specific times. We did bring bacon/veggie alternative sandwiches out at 10 ish.

Music was very important but we didn’t have a band, we were on a bit of a shoe string. Our friends DJ and they played a big mix of genres. I went to a wedding recently where they only played drum and base. It was good drum and base but not for everyone. We made sure our parents had a say in the music too (they have good taste, which we mostly agree on).
I spent most of the night on the dance floor. DH mingled and then danced. We swapped out and danced together. There was a cozy breakout room really near the music. We wheeled the more senior members into there so they could talk but still feel part of it.

Wow, that was longer than I thought!!

We also got married later at 4 so it helped with wedding day fatigue! We had a band and then dj. We also had free drinks of wine, beer, pimms and soft drinks. We did not have a seating plan which made it all feel very relaxed. I think if you as the bride is enjoying it then others will too. Have a great day!!

@ImCamembertTheBigCheese can I ask how old you are? My biggest bug bear at weddings is when the music is not targeted at the age group of the couple and therefore most of the guests. We are both 30 so throwbacks for us and our friends are from 2005, not 1985

My age is irrelevant, my point was that you dismissed the 80's as you don't like the music. As PP have been saying, having a wide variety of music being played that caters for all guests helps everyone get up and dance. There are songs from the 80's and even the 70's that are not cheesy and have stood the test of time that appeal to almost everyone. MIxing a few of them in with your playlist can't hurt.

@ImCamembertTheBigCheese i don’t think it is irrelevant actually. My mum (60s) would probably say similar to you, that there are some 80s bangers. What I have witnessed in recent weddings is that these aren’t the tunes that get the demographic that makes up most of the wedding dancing, unless it is towards the end of the evening and people are drunk.

I think most things have been covered. The only only other thing I would add is make sure the ambient temperature is comfortable for your guests. We once left a winter wedding reception early because we were too cold.

It is irrelevant. I have an eclectic music taste. However I think it is clear that you only want music you like played at the wedding, which is fair enough, it is your day after all. However don't bank on everyone liking your choice of music if you limit the songs you play, that was your AIBU after all.

Seat people with their friends.

My heart always sinks when I arrive at a wedding looking forward to catching up with a group of friends and we’re all spread across different tables. I don’t know why bride&grooms do it. If you have a group that doesn’t fit neatly on one table then fine, split it in half and complete the table with another group or some people that know nobody else, but don’t deliberately try to separate friends.

Honestly, OP, while you know your guests best, I think this sounds slightly coercive.

I absolutely get that you want people to have a good time at your wedding, but it sounds as if you want it to be a particular kind of good time, manifested in a full dance floor and the right kind of ‘party atmosphere’, to the point where you’re even mentally grading your ILs to be in terms of how likely they are to be as ‘fun’ as you want them to be on the day.

You criticise the ‘not so fun’ wedding for having guests who didn’t seem ‘that excited to be there’, but it seems clear they just weren’t behaving the way you want guests who are having a good time to act. Maybe they were having a ball, but their idea of a good time isn’t dancing? Maybe they’d been to ten consecutive weddings in a row (which can happen at certain periods in your life if your friends are the marrying type) and were jaded from the same food/music?

You can’t make people act the way you want them to. Someone will be bored by your fiancé’s taste in music, someone will prefer to sit at their table all night to dancing. These things are subjective.

@minipie I agree I won’t be splitting people up!

@TheDaphne that’s right - the purpose of my thread was to ask how I can create a wedding where people don’t sit around at the tables - I want people to party.

Keep timings tight - no standing around bored wondering what's happening next - we served drinks and canapés while doing photos limited to an hour and a half, then in to dinner.
Free bar and good music and a definite 'carriages at X'.
Keeping everything at the same venue or close by too.

Honestly, the main thing that made our wedding a party was that we got married in our 20s, most guests were the same sort of age, and almost none of us had kids or anything else we had to get up for the next day. (That and a free bar!)

If you are just 30 then my guess is you’re in the same position unless you have lots of older family/friend guests or your friends have had kids young.

Oh yeah and zero formal photos, they are a mood killer and boring for everyone IMO. We had a “reportage” photographer who just went round snapping good moments, fairly subtly, just did a few posed photos with me & DH.

You set the tone for your own wedding. Both my husband and I weren’t stressed, were incredibly excited / happy / smiley and just went with everything that happened even if it wasn’t to plan.

we also prioritised good music, good food and good (free alcohol) and danced our bottoms off all evening!

@minipie yup, we don’t have any friends with kids. The only kids will be my niece (5) and nephew (15) and two of my partner’s cousin’s kids coming from abroad. We are actually one of the first in our friend group to get married as well tbh

the purpose of my thread was to ask how I can create a wedding where people don’t sit around at the tables - I want people to party.

But some people's idea of a party is to sit and chat to other people, and to not get up and dance.

Have a chat with the DJ before you book (if you haven't already). Some do get really defensive about requests, like they see it as a personal attack on their music choice or something. Ridiculous 🤦🏻‍♀️

My ex used to believe in kettling!

Dont have too big a space for the number of people.

If everything’s too spread out, then the atmosphere seems flat. The closer people/tables are together, the more people talk and the noisier it becomes. That makes people feel there more of a good vibe going on.

Throw in alcohol, food and music, you should be good to go.

It sounds like you are hiring a room, so I assume they will tell you. But don’t be afraid to have it a little busy.

I worked at probably 100+ weddings as a student and my take away form that is if you want good vibes a) invite people who actually want to be there (sounds obvious but a lot of people invite people to be polite who then attend to be polite and leave early) b) DONT put money behind the bar because a handful of dickheads will rinse it in the first 45 minutes and then everyone else will have to pay for a couple of wines later and they’ll be pissed off c) play wedding bangers which I’m afraid to say does include I Wanna Dance With Somebody. In no other context than a wedding would I listen to Mr Brightside but it GOES OFF at a wedding. See also Come on Eileen.