What should I do, children not invited to ex’s wedding.

[Twinmummabear]

I have 10yr old twin girls. Their father and I have been separated 7 years this year. We do not have an amicable relationship and we have a court order in place. In 2018, my ex met his partner and not long after they moved in together. 3 nights of the week our twins spend it with him and his partner.
I received an Email back in April regarding their wedding on the 17th July, to make changes to arrangements already in place.
Yesterday I learned from him that our twins are not invited as it is a small wedding. Our oldest son (20) will be. He had not told them and one thought she was a bridesmaid.
Now in August they are having a wedding party on what would be my court ordered days, I did state in April I would make the twins available to attend. However, now I feel like if they’re not invited to the wedding, why should I allow them to go to the party, that all the friends are invited to, if they didn’t want to have them there, sharing a special day, not just for my ex and his soon to be wife, but also becoming officially their step mum. Advice would be most appreciated.

What do your daughters want to do? I’d just show them the email and tell them you will support them in whatever they want to do.

Don’t be the person who stops them from attending the party.

the wedding being small is of the bride and grooms own choosing. Decent people would make sure the children were included in even the simplest of ceremonies.

you can’t shield your children from their father’s choices, but you simultaneously shouldn’t increase the drama. Swapping a few days is not a big deal. Unless your children express reservations about attending the party, just facilitate their attendance.

It is shitty of him to have not managed their expectations and not have told them the truth, just leaving it you is really very poor.

However, I do also agree it totally depends on the wedding ceremony itself as to whether they really need to be there. I know couples who have got married even without their own children there, because it was just the two of them, unrelated witnesses and a 15 minute registry office job.

Lots of people have a small registry do a nice meal after with just a few friends. I don’t see the need to invite kids to that bit, the party would be much more fun and appropriate for 10 year olds.

As annoyed as I’d be, I’d tell the girls the wedding itself is only a small boring ceremony and it’s the party that will be the good bit and they have great fun then id help them pick a party outfit.

If be emailing back to him, it is up to him to tell his DD's that their brother is invited but they are not welcome at his wedding. I'd not be the one doing it. Once he's done that it's up to them if they want to go to the party or not. It would not be so bad if your son was not invited either. If he wants them at this party then he'd be collecting them and dressing them in new dresses and shoes. I'd not be doing it for him if they are not good enough to go to the wedding. How disappointing for them.

But 1 child is invited and 2 are not. That is shitty parenting.

Be positive sell the fun of the party. They will see what their dad is like but they need your support not angry

My dad did this to us. My sister is now a singer - songwriter and she wrote a rather excellent and cutting song about it.

We've never forgotten or forgiven

I would simply reply to his email. They think they are your bridesmaids. You are going to have to fix this. Not me

Ex had a big wedding recently. Didn't even tell DS, let alone invite him. DS (18) really hurt and will never forgive his dad. His new wife's kids were there ... one is the same age as DS

then id help them pick a party outfit

Nope ~ their father is capable of sourcing and paying for their outfits.