Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Original poster

Tell me about your relationship with sour sister/brother in law

34 replies

youstillloverachel · 18/04/2023 08:04

Recently engaged. Been with my partner a few years. Never forced it but recently become quite close to his sister. We have a relationship independent of him now - we text and it’s not about him 😂.

Was thinking the other day how lovely this is because I am an only child. I’m hoping over the years we will become even closer.

Over the years, did your SIL and BIL become like a true sister/brother to you? 😊

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
youstillloverachel · 18/04/2023 08:04

‘Your’ not ‘sour’. That really changes the meaning 😂

OP posts:
Cleoforever · 18/04/2023 08:14

wonderful. My sil (ex in fact!) is a great friend and a phenomenal auntie to my children.

helps that me and ex are very amicable.

in fact - two weeks ago my ex, two children, sil (but I don’t think of her as ex!) and I… went out for a celebration meal and it was wonderful!

Beingadiv · 18/04/2023 08:16

Well, I'd say a good friend rather than a sister as I'm not a particularly family- oriented person for various reasons but definitely! We get on and are in a similar wavelength on our own terms and as you say, text and hang out independently of my brother. We live quite far apart so will never be the 'popping in every day' types but we have definitely got to know each other very well over the years and I would certainly have loved her as a friend had we met differently.

I would say don't seek or expect perfection. It's a different relationship to either friends or bio family so a bit of leniency is needed. I know my parents frustrate her quite often, they do me and DB. DSIL sometimes expresses this in a very funny but sharp witted way which i understand but feel a bit protective of them (they definitely have their faults). I choose to overlook this as she has a cordial relationship with them overall and has never gone too far and said anything cruel but I can see other people taking a small thing like this to heart and it perhaps spoiling things.

ShippingNews · 18/04/2023 08:22

Yes, I'm long divorced and remarried, but I'm still good friends with his sister. Their younger brother was terminally ill this year, and she and I took turns to sit with him, and we were there together when he died. Our closeness was a real blessing . I'm so lucky to have her in my life.

Lindy2 · 18/04/2023 08:32

I would have quite liked a good relationship with my sister in laws but unfortunately we don't live particularly close to each other and none of them seem up for anything more than polite chat when we do meet at family occasions. All quite amicable but not close.

Lastnamedidntstick · 18/04/2023 08:39

No. Barely ever spoken to her.

don’t like her at all.

BitOutOfPractice · 18/04/2023 08:42

I consider my BiL (sister’s dh) to be a brother to me. He’s one of my favourite people in the world, I’ve known him more than 40 years and I know I could always rely on him. Off to the football with him on Saturday!

my DP’s sister? That’ll be a nope from me. I tolerate her.

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 18/04/2023 08:49

No, we are very different people.

I am fiercely independent, career focused and like to be kind and generous to people.

She is still totally dependant on mummy and daddy (in her 40s), literally cannot do a thing for herself and the worst thing she does is treats my DC totally different (DC1 is from a previous relationship) at things like Christmas and birthdays which becomes more obvious the older they get.

TheLurpackYears · 18/04/2023 08:55

Definitely a sour relationship here, started off fairly pally ,almost certain we wouldn't piss on each other if we were on fire now.

TheOtherHotstepper · 18/04/2023 09:06

I can't even look at my SIL. I'm in therapy as a direct result of her actions.

CatMattress · 18/04/2023 09:12

They both ditched me as fast as my husband did when he cheated. <shrug>

I quite like my DP's sister but I don't think we'll have a relationship independent of him, because we don't have huge amounts in common, but she's lovely and I appreciate her and her support of our relationship.

My sister's husband is a perfectly nice chap, but very quiet, very work focused and over a decade down the line I still don't know him very well.

It's a bit of a shame, I would have loved to have that kind of relationship but I'm content with just a lack of toxicity, because I've read about some horrible situations on MN!

Itakecreaminmycoffee · 18/04/2023 09:16

I came on to tell you about my sour SIL.

Im afraid I can't relate to the "good friends" stories - sour I could've told you plenty 😂

SuperSange · 18/04/2023 09:18

Mine are both lovely. Love going for a meal with them.

Skybluepinky · 18/04/2023 09:18

No, it soured and she showed her true colours, even her kids don’t visit her anymore.
She was lovely until she had an affair with someone at work.

Dracuuule · 18/04/2023 09:22

Mine are like work colleagues. We're perfectly pleasant and nice to each other when we see each other. Wish each other happy birthday and so on but that's it.
I don't have an independent relationship with any.

Itsvalentino · 18/04/2023 09:23

I thought my SIL was my best friend, had a fantastic relationship with her, and my brother, saw them 5 times a week, which was always instigated by her, requesting to pop in or asking me to go round, until one day she drank 3 bottles of wine and accused me of shagging my brother. Haven't laid eyes on the bitch in 4.5 years.

DP's sister and I are very different, she's 13 years older than me, doesn't have children, hobbies, pets, so we don't really have anything in common. Also, she and her mother like to think they are the boss of DP, so I keep them at arms length, I'm polite and friendly to their face but they're a bit weird if you ask me.

DP's step sister, who is 20 years older than me is ace, we're not close as such because she lives the other side of the country, but we speak every few months on the phone and meet up twice a year, and have such a good time.

Cleoforever · 18/04/2023 09:25

@Itsvalentino

until one day she drank 3 bottles of wine and accused me of shagging my brother.

come again?

fancyfrogs · 18/04/2023 09:25

Came to say yep, sour - so can't relate 😂
It's better now mind, I'd say civil and can be polite and engaging etc but she is a very different person to me and we would not associate if it weren't for family. She has said and done things regarding my children that I cannot forgive/forget sadly

ThisIsTrifficult · 18/04/2023 09:25

I'm also an only child and have always got along with my BIL. He's married a really lovely woman too and we're going out for dinner and drinks next week!
I don't feel like they're a real bro/sis but I'm glad they're great people and I can text them or see them independently of DH too.
I'm also an aunty now thanks to them!

Itsvalentino · 18/04/2023 09:59

Cleoforever · 18/04/2023 09:25

@Itsvalentino

until one day she drank 3 bottles of wine and accused me of shagging my brother.

come again?

Apparently we were "too close" she'd got this weird paranoia that we were on the phone all the time, and honestly my brother was closer to DP, they spoke every day, I rarely called him. I did see him often, but that was because I was always with her, at HER request. Love my brother dearly, but there was never anything weird, we're not a touchy feely family, so we weren't giving off any too close vibes in my opinion.

Cleoforever · 18/04/2023 10:00

Itsvalentino · 18/04/2023 09:59

Apparently we were "too close" she'd got this weird paranoia that we were on the phone all the time, and honestly my brother was closer to DP, they spoke every day, I rarely called him. I did see him often, but that was because I was always with her, at HER request. Love my brother dearly, but there was never anything weird, we're not a touchy feely family, so we weren't giving off any too close vibes in my opinion.

Show quote history

how the heck did your brother respond?
I can’t imagine continuing a marriage with someone who think for one minute I would have sex with my sibling!!

moonlight1705 · 18/04/2023 10:02

I met my husband at my university friend's wedding. She became my SIL as I married her husband's brother.

We speak all the time whilst the guys just text once in a while.

Itsvalentino · 18/04/2023 10:04

Cleoforever · 18/04/2023 10:00

how the heck did your brother respond?
I can’t imagine continuing a marriage with someone who think for one minute I would have sex with my sibling!!

Show quote history

He was fuming with her, said she was disgusting, she did apologise and cry and beg to be forgiven, my brother also apologised for her behaviour and I tried I really did, but the damage was done.

They had 3 kids, 2 under 2 at the time, and my brother made a choice, and I accept that. I do miss him though.

TheOrigRights · 18/04/2023 15:33

I have three sisters so don't need any more!
I am divorced, but have a very good relationship with ex's sister (and the whole IL family in fact).
We are very different and I imagine our paths would not have crossed and if they had we would not have found much in common to form a relationship.

What has brought us together is our children (the cousins) to some extent, but more recently that we are working together to support her parents. Between us we are putting care in place for her Dad (Parkinson's) and her Mum (Alzheimer's). She lives further away, whereas I am quite close so I can do more practically while she sorts out more of the admin. Because I am one step away emotionally it is sometimes easier for me to take on a more caring role (easier for me and easier for the parents to accept). She can also sound off to me about things she's finding tough. I have had to set boundaries as she has a history of getting her own way.

When we're not bogged down with all of that they host wonderful meals at the fancy house and we have a great time.

Daniella12 · 18/04/2023 15:36

My sisters in law call me their sister. I love them x