Fell out with my best mate before my wedding

[Changedmymindtoday]

So this happened in 2018.

Best friend was my chief bridesmaid.
She spoilt my hen party, made up lies, tried to turn my other friends against me, treated me horribly.

When I confronted her, she made me feel as though I was over reacting.
Some of my friends were pretty shocked too by what had happened and witnessed it all.
6 weeks later she eventually came around and apologised to me for her awful behaviour and promised me it would never happen again as she was just really stressed out either lots on her plate and lashed out at me.
She was given the option to opt out go wedding, but said she really wanted to be there and support me and I believed her.
Her behaviour at my wedding was pretty poor, i won’t say too much as it’s outing but let’s just say I was late for my own wedding!

After the wedding she left and I never heard from
her again.

It took me a long time to come to terms with it all and I was very hurt for a long time. But time has helped.

Except I found out a month ago due to photos on FB that she is now getting married very soon.

It was brought all of my feelings and emotions back up.
I realise now I’m still incredibly hurt and angry at her.
She cast such a shadow on my hen, lead up, wedding day and the weeks and months after.

Will I ever be able to really move on from it?

She broke my heart.

Ok you have all convinced me. I will do exactly that, I’ll also do my hen photos too just for my sanity as I find it sad to look at those.

thanks everyone for the boost.

She's not nor ever was your best friend. Sorry.

Ya, you’re right @MrsRickAstley
I learned that in a very difficult way.

She lost a good loyal friend in me. I just lost a friend, she wasn’t good or loyal.

My conscience is clear, hers simply couldn’t be. I probably could have handled things better but I did my best with the situation. I was very lost at that time with everything. I went to therapy for 3 months from the week after my hen party right up to it wedding weekly to try and deal with all of the wedding pressures and manage that situation. It did help.

it always felt she was running a competition that I didn’t want to be apart of. I knew she wasn’t the nicest person but it has never been directed at me so that’s was ok.
I didn’t think she has the level of malice in her. But wow, she really caught me off guard with it all. Kicking me while I was already very vulnerable.

@Changedmymindtoday May I ask how old you are / if you have children ? And especially what are your hobbies / interests ?
So first of all block this person on SM, and all her family by any means of contact, really
Then send those photos to a pro (if you want an example Im not sure what exact google words you’d use, but try Tiffany trump’s wedding where her sister somehow made a strangely dressed guest or whoever disappear from her SM pics (I don’t remember but the theme was light blue and this girl was in black. I don’t know a thing about them and their lives though, just came across it somehow), she later apologized for her mistake but so obvious.
Couldnt be bothered to read the theories, but true who dresses in black when the theme is clearly blue

Sorry, forgot step 3 : if you have any unexplored yet interests, join a group, nothing like shared passions, and make good friends !

By remembering that no matter how much she tried to bring you down you are still going. You’ve survived 4/5 years without her and you will carry on. Don’t waste your time and energy. Make sure she’s blocked on SM and get her professionally photoshopped out of your wedding photos

you will feel so much better x

Distance is on our side. We don’t live close or in our home towns.
it would be a chance meeting if it ever occurred.

I have lots of hobbies, I have a 2 year old, work full time and have a small business on the side which is a passion project so to speak. I’m busy in short.

I have lots of friends but no longer a best friend. Some very close ones though.

I had hidden her completely until the off chance I saw this hen party pic from a mutual friend. I should sack off those mutual as from my socials actually.

Also I’m 33!

You have described the way that this has triggered your feelings so acknowledge that. Allow yourself
time, maybe a week or 2 to be in touch with your feelings about it. Perhaps talk to your old therapist or a good friend about how you feel in this period.

After that you would serve yourself well by truly moving on. Acknowledge that the fact that she is getting married does not materially impact you. Don’t focus on her wedding going to shit. Don’t stay informed about it at all. I think others who are suggesting to block the current lines of communication are onto something.

Hi @vincettenoir thank you for your good advice. I appreciate it.
Her getting married doesn’t bother me, what triggered me was seeing her carefree smiling at her hen, after what she did to me at mine. It really got under my skin. Like how come she gets to have the best time at hers when she spoilt mine.

I today have already unfollowed the mutual friends where there would be activity so that’s all done.

so I think you’re right about feeling it. I will. I desperately need not feel like this again.

I’ll chat to my DH too, tell him how I feel and he’s always good at talking me through it. Thank you all x