Child not invited to wedding

[ano124]

Me and my sons dad have split but his sister is getting married and not having any kids there,
She has asked if he can be there before the actual wedding but isn't invited to wedding as it's no kids,
Is it wrong to not let son go? The way I see it as he is her brothers flesh and blood but not invited but good enough for a few pictures before hand?

I understand the whole concept of no children at weddings but feel it's different when it's family that close?

It would only bother me if I had to do the dropping off and picking up. If your ex is doing that (and buying any clothes you may need) then why not ? (I am assuming that your son is too young to have an opinion about going)

Yep I'd do this.

I wouldn't stop it happening, but I wouldn't be sorting (and paying for) a smart outfit, dropping him off/picking him up etc.

"He's is the first grandchild, I get on well with sister reason why she has asked me, as I just spoke to his dad and he doesn't care that he won't understand needing to leave he just wants to see him before wedding"

Now you've made it a lot clearer.
So they want him there for the photos ( Kinda cute Page boy effect!, even the dad wants him there ( on his own terms), so he'll be always in the family photo, but no one wants to have to look after him or have to get him ready on the day. , which is fair enough at a wedding, so you'll do to step in/out as required.

I wouldn't get involved! I'd make myself unavailable on that day - Guess who'll be expected to have him washed and ready on the big too.
Although if its important to you that he's in family photos, then its entirely up to you.
As you get on well with his sister - were you invited to the wedding?

I can completely understand why people would not want children at a wedding, but having made that decision, I think it's really unreasonable to then expect you to take your son along beforehand for the photos and take him away again before the service. I would definitely refuse.

Take him for the photos but dress him in a Spider-Man costume.

"Sorry I have plans. If you want to swap weekends, that would be great. There are some good babysitting agencies who could send a sitter to look after DS during the ceremony/reception."

I'm with you op. I never understand the miserable bastards who exclude family from their wedding. I wouldn't bother taking him either. Would you be out of pocket for an outfit too?

He’s so little he won’t remember anything - in years to come all he’ll know of the day will be what’s in the photos.

I totally get your instinct to protect your boy from anything that even slightly whiffs of being used like an accessory rather than treated as a whole person and I would be a lot more hesitant to agree to this if he were 6/7 or so but as a preschooler they won’t be able to force him into doing anything he doesn’t want to do (only bribe him!) and the long term benefit of being in the photos will outweigh the short term negative of being taken back to mum before the wedding party gets going.

I’m sure your boy will be well pleased to get home to you and that being with mum will be a better experience for him than being shushed through a boring ceremony and borderline ignored at an adult celebration.

Pick your battles, you have a lifetime of coparenting with your ex ahead of you and it will be easier for you if you are on friendly terms with your boy’s auntie/nana/grandad etc.

(I split with my son’s dad when my boy was just a baby so I really do get how it feels to coparent such a small child with an ex, my boy is 22 now and well worth all the effort of dealing with my ‘out laws’ for two decades!)

It’s important to find your boundaries so that you don’t become a doormat, forever bending over backwards for the ex but at the same time there is no point erecting unnecessary barriers that make YOUR life harder in the long term and that divide your son’s emotions in a damaging way.

if dad turns out to be a bit useless (and I hope he doesn’t!) your son will naturally learn about that uselessness for himself as he grows and becomes mature enough to understand it as a dad problem, not a son or mum problem.

on this occasion, as long as dad/dad’s family do all the legwork, let it happen. Maybe you’ll have time for a coffee with a mate/a hair cut/a swim/a book or whatever it is that you’ve been missing out on? Even just a chance for a supermarket run without a toddler trying to make you buy things via pesterpower might be worthwhile!

Well, they don't want him there, but want him for a few photographs beforehand?! It's a bit rude and insulting. I wouldn't take him. If the dad wants to facilitate the running around, getting him dressed into something smart, and bringing him home before the wedding then fine. Not not if it involves me running around.

You're thinking too much about it.
It depends if it's ex's weekend to have him

I doubt a two year old will understand that there is an event to miss.

If it's ex's weekend then he can sort it all.

If it's yours, he could pick him up, get him ready then drop him back.

But I wouldn't be helping.

Yeah I just feel when he gets older he will question why he wasn't there all day and will see that he was used for photos then had to leave

No, he really, really won't. Don't factor this into your decision making.

This. I'd give them this option or nothing

He's two. When he gets older he won't remember that he wasn't at the wedding unless, of course, you make a point of telling him.

I agree that brother's son should be invited for the wedding even if it's a no kids thing, quite rude that he isn't invited to be honest. But it's even more rude saying bring him for photos and then he has to leave! I wouldn't take him at all. You'd also have to buy him an outfit for him to show up and be in a few photos, which he is unlikely to ever wear again before he outgrows it in a few months.

I'd decline .

If you want to keep some peace then his dad can take him then bring him back.
You don't need to be involved at all, nor should you.

Why should he be there?! He's 2, he'll gain nothing, add nothing, and more than likely be a nuisance for all involved!

Surely the child's father will be buying the wedding photo clothes? Did I miss a post where the OP is expected to do so? Just let the father and his side of the family deal with the logistics. Not OP'S monkeys, not her circus.

@Liorae Yes, that's true. The father should be the one to buy the clothes. If his dad wants to take him then he should deal with all of it, including bringing him and dropping him off home again after. I do still think it's really rude and he shouldn't be there for the photos if being told to go home after.

@MolliciousIntent because most people I know would invite their close relatives kids to their weddings. All my nieces and nephews were at my wedding. They don't have to invite them I guess, but still rude to say come for photos then you have to go home.

The issue is, if you invite the kids you massively reduce the amount of fun the parents can have. My favourite thing about weddings is getting to leave my kids and celebrate properly with my loved ones!

Just bat this one back to his dad - it's his sister after all- and don't get involved.

If dad wants to buy an outfit for his son, take him for the photos then drop him back with you before the ceremony then that's up to him.

I have a 2 yr old and would absolutely not want to take her to a wedding (And have said no to invites for her). The photos before hand I would do if it was nearby, at a reasonable time and she didn’t have to be wrestled into a particular outfit.

This.