Please find me things to do!

[Largethighsbadeyes]

My wedding is September 2023.
I got engaged June 2022.

I have already:
Chosen and booked venue
Chosen and paid deposit for my dress
Had a meeting with venue dresser and paid deposit
Ditto for photographer
Chosen videographer and paid deposit
Chosen colour scheme
Designed DIY invites, signs, table plan, kids activity packs
Watched every fucking episode of say yes to the dress, 4 weddings etc etc that I can find.

Things I still have to do:
Suit shopping (but that's him not me and can't happen until closer the time)

Bridesmaids dress shopping (can't happen until closer to the time as 4 junior bridesmaids and they grow so fast, also will be ordering online due to budget)

Flowers (hoping that a family friend will offer to do them as she has offered in the past but no offer as yet since engagement announced. Totally fine but no point looking at flowers if she will do them as our present)

I am looking ag 10 empty months with nothing wedding related to do.

Now this may sound crazy but my dad died just after I got engaged and I have been using planning the wedding as a way to occupy my thoughts. I NEED something to do or I will fall apart.

Is there anything I have forgotten? Anything I can occupy myself with to do with the wedding?

Omg trust me
There WILL be things to do

Invites
Food
Rsvps
Confetti
Table names
Table plans
Accessories
Guests asking a million things
Music
Vows
Readings
Order of ceremony
Registration
Notice
Hotel
Wedding night lingerie/pajamas
Next day plans
His suit (don't!!!!)
Rings
Speeches
Readings
Choreography
Vows

You'll have plenty to do

Favours
Hair pieces
Cocktails
Meal music
Gifts for your party
Your own gift registry
Makeup artist
Breakfast for your party
Playlist for the morning
Photo wishlist

Your wedding fragrance
Underwear
Witnesses

Think I'm done. Married July. Was a beast to organise.

Hair, make-up, rings?

Thanks folks.

Hair and makeup is booked and I've sent the lady pictures of what I like
Favours are sorted
Not writing our own vows

There are other things to do but they aren't until closer to the time such as dress fittings, sorting out the RSVPs, food tasting, ring shopping.

I suppose I was looking for more DIY creative things to do to keep my mind occupied and keep me busy but have already done the invitations, seating plan (but that can be changed when RSVPs come in), table names, welcome sign.

I could make my own confetti but venue doesn't allow it.

Wedding day fragrance is a new one on me, suppose I could have a day wandering around the shops smelling perfumes.

I've changed the colour scheme 3 times because it gave me something to do 😅

Not the point of the thread but on what platform are you watching 4 weddings? I used to love that show and I’ve been trying to watch reruns since I got engaged and I just can’t find them anywhere 😂

How are you going to occupy yourself after the wedding if you're using this as a coping strategy ? (Not snarking, concerned you're setting yourself up for the walls to crash in.)

Could you not use some of this time to make plans for life post-wedding too? So you'll have something to carry forward after it's happened?

What did you do with your spare time before you got engaged??

Playlists!!

Not sure if you're getting married in a church or civil ceremony but for civil you will need an entrance song, songs for signing the register and an exit song. Plus music to play during the drinks reception and dinner so a good few hours. Even if you are planning on hiring musicians to play during the drinks and dinner, you'll still need to select what they play.

You haven't mentioned a DJ or other musicians on your list so that can be something to do. Maybe go to some wedding fairs to see if anyone appeals?

the thing with playlists is that with plenty of time it's a really fun activity listening to songs you haven't thought about in years. It ceases being fun when you forgot about it and have to do it all last minute!!

@TwoCoffeesPlease it's on sky replay I've got it on series link 😅

I know it's not the healthiest coping mechanism. Working on it

Play lists is a hood call. Thanks

Maybe dry some flowers for making confetti OP? Most places allow them and it takes a while...choosing flowers, separating them, laying them out to dry, turning them, bagging them...😉

Congratulations on your engagement and condolences on the death of your dad 💐

💐💐💐some flowers to get your confetti started!!!!

Sorry for your loss. You are very organised and I wonder if there is a charity or local organisation that needs that kind of help.

I went to a wedding where the bride and groom were both enthusiastic readers. As favours they had sourced beautiful old books with funny /appropriate titles for each guest and written little cards to put in them. The piles of lovely books formed part of the table decorations and were a great conversation starter. Apparently it took them ages finding them all but they very much enjoyed it and it was a time-taking project which seems to be what you want. Perhaps do something like this for personalised favours? I went to another wedding that did a similar thing with teacups!

Also should say the books weren't expensive--the hunt was part of the fun.

@cunningartificer that sounds like a lovely idea. Not sure about the book thing but making favours myself is definitely a good time consuming project. Just the sort of thing I need.

@7catsisnotenough thank you.

Making my own confetti was something I thought of but I need to check with the venue. I think it's a blanket no confetti policy unfortunately.

If you want some other wedding related things to do to occupy your mind (I'm very sorry for your loss and know how tough it is) I've got some totally non-essential ideas.

Wedding website - it's pretty standard to have one and there's lots of options that are mostly pre-made but maybe you could sign up for a more general website builder and design one completely from scratch? It could be a useful skill more generally and is quite creative.

Wedding tracker - I was bought a lovely wedding planner but haven't used it because I prefer to do everything on my laptop/phone/iPad. Maybe you could build yourself an excel based organizer - google formulae to keep a running budget tracker on one tab. Use MS stock images to make it look nice and have separate tabs for all groups of activities. If I'm in mental turmoil I always find something regimented like excel and lists helps me, but you can also let out your creative side with images and colours.

To-do - I probably sound like I work for Microsoft but once you've got your master planner, add all your tasks in MS to-do with due dates and reminders, you can add steps to each task. Right now, while you've got time and want to be doing things, it could be calming and later, when it all gets a bit more manic, you might be glad you did it!

Think and plan for ways to remember your dad on the day - this might be very painful since your loss is so recent but it may also be quite therapeutic.

As a chronic procrastinator I've got loads of ideas of unnecessary things to do that keep you busy!

@Hgak love the idea of building my own planner. I've got a wedding planning book too but there's not much to fill in as I made a lot of decisions very early on and I've basically covered everything in the 12 months to go, 10 months to go, 9 months to go tabs...and there's still 11 months to go 😅

Thank you for your suggestions everyone.

Unfortunately the "what did you do before you were engaged??" Poster seems to have missed the point.

Find a non-wedding related hobby.

Honestly, if you fill the next year with wedding stuff you'll a) become a wedding bore and b) have a huge hole in your life immediately after the wedding which will impact on your first year of married life.
Fill the next few months with learning a new craft or skill that you can develop into a long term interest going forward.
Congratulations!

Have noticed no one has put down cars?
Will you already be at the venue?
If not you can find wedding cars.

How about booking some entertainment? I got married recently and the entertainment went down a storm!

An interactive photoframe is a good call! Arrange a sweet cart?

I agree to find something now to do post wedding, I think I am still dealing with wedding blues. It's awful. I feel quite empty. I was so consumed with wedding stuff right up to the day I now have nothing to fill my days with.

With the bereavement you have recently suffered. I'm sorry. Please try to find closure from this before the wedding

We are staying at the venue the night before and everything is in one place (think that's a mumsnet pet peeve!) So no need for cars

Dj is included with the venue and no budget for extra entertainment sadly.

I could DIY an interactive photoframe though, thanks for that idea it's on the list.

Yes post wedding blues is going to be an issue. By the time the wedding comes round hopefully I will have processed his death more. Right now I'm focused on being strong for my mum and the rest of my family, snd in my own time I'm focusing on the wedding.

Don't think I'm boring other people as I'm not discussing it with anyone really. I'm just looking for crafty ways to occupy myself so I don't dwell.

As for after the wedding I will have other things to do. I write children's books but lacking the joy and inspiration for that at the moment. I have a fledgling photography business but the last few jobs put me on a bit of a downer with it so I'm taking a break from that. I also have an actual job.

Just adding those details in to show that my life is not as empty as my OP made it sound.

I would say try not be so tough on yourself like in terms of needing yourself to be strong for your Mum. You lost someone very close to you too. It seems like you need to be an activity machine in case any pain gets in.
Make sure you have somewhere to get support for yourself too. Especially if you find yourself pretending to be fine but collapsing in private. Best of luck with the wedding next year.

What about sourcing photos for a gallery at the venue. Try and find photos of every guest as well as lots of you and groom through the years. Bonus if you can match years, ie one of you and groom in 1999 and so on. You could even do a timeline of you and groom growing up and then meeting. Maybe a bit cheesy but I think family and friends would love to see the early ones and how you met.
Ask the venue about displaying them as maybe you could clip them to string lights and pin these to the walls? You may need display boards.
Put them in albums/folders in order of how you want them displayed so others can help put them up before the wedding as you will be very busy then.

This may also help with the grieving process for your dad.

Embark on a fitness regimen so you feel in top shape and glowing?

Snap @erinaceus I came on to say the same thing! Fitness routine plus yoga for relaxation and beauty routine so your skin is amazing.

Have you done lists of the photos that you will want taken?

Chosen a cake?

Design a special wedding cocktail?

A friend had a photo wall of wedding photos from her and her fiancés family at her wedding. It was lovely to go and have a look.

Build from scratch your own wedding wishing well (to collect wedding cards from guests on the day) or a sweetie station. Perhaps hand make your bridesmaids flowers (using tasteful artificial flowers).....create table centerpieces, put together guest icebreaker questions for the table....shop around for disposable cameras to put in the table for guests to use to take photos (just be mindful that children may get hold of them and waste the film). Hope this helps x