Should we cancel our wedding?

[123aaah]

We’re due to get married March 23. Doing a basic package totalling around £4000 but the added extras are just racking up 😩… Photographer, bridesmaid dresses, my wedding dress, suits etc etc.
Due to cost of living we’ve had to delve in to our savings a few times and I feel like cancelling the whole thing as we will be left with £0 in savings after it. I’m stressed. Anxious every day about it. Would probably lose £1500 deposit if we cancelled now but that’s a lot less than what we would spend if continued.

Can you scale it right back?

How many people have you invited? Can you cut the list down?

Can you just have one bridesmaid?

Do you have any friends who like taking pictures and would be willing to do you a favor?

Look for a second hand dress / suit. Or consider renting one

If it was me, I would do a very small ceremony now and then plan to do a bigger celebration at some point in the future when things are looking better.

You can get married for about £150. It depends on whether the big wedding day is important or whether you want to be married. If you want the big wedding day then you should suck up the cost because it’s not going to be cheaper in a few years - if anything, it’ll cost more. If you want to be married, cancel the big wedding, get married with your nearest and dearest in the local registry office or church, and go and have a nice meal in a restaurant after to celebrate. All the cars, flowers and fripperies are just accessories to what is, at the end of. The day, a legal contract.

Scale back be strict if it doesn't fall within budget it's not included. It doesn't have to be bells and whistles.

thanks for the replies I thought I would be the only one awake.

40 day guests so not a massive amount but obviously still costing us.

I feel like we have scaled it back as much as possible in that we haven’t gone OTT with any decor etc. We’ve got no fancy photo booths etc etc. All those things mean nothing to me anyway.

I now wish we had done the simple route of registry office but this is our third attempt due to lockdowns so I thought this was what I/we wanted.

The fact it’s keeping me up at night worrying about money and the future with no savings to our name is just not making the process enjoyable.

What are you looking for in your wedding day? Perhaps we can help with suggestions to make it special, but not expensive.

I'd probably start with cancelling the package and Lodi g the deposit..unless this is a very special venue to you for some reason and you will forever regret not doing it there.

Let's say you want a cosy atmosphere, friends and family there, but the big venue isn't the most important thing, you're not practicing any religion and you're not interested in having dancing. Then what about a registry office with an afternoon tea for everybody afterwards? Then you and DH go off on honeymoon (can also be a few nights locally somewhere nice - and you'll be able to arrive that evening).

Or you want romantic photos in a stunning setting but aren't too fussed about having anybody else there. Then there's a remote place in Scotland that does beautiful weddings for people who want to elope. Photographer is included and you can have a piper.

You may hate those ideas, fair enough. But the point is that there are an infinite amount of options.

You really need to sit down and think about the non-negotiables for you two to make it special for you both. Don't worry about pleasing anybody else. They can please themselves for their wedding - and if they didn't and want to do it through your wedding, tough.

*cross post (but most still stands 😉)

Are you really invested in the whole wedding "thing"? If you are then cancel as you will always feel bitter and disappointed.

But no shame in being strapped for cash. Most people are!

Instead of a traditional wedding list for gifts, you could make a registry for contributions. Someone to make a cake (you will pay for supplies). Someone to do the bride's hair. Someone to lend a basket for the flower girl to carry. Someone or their +1 with confidence and a nice camera to volunteer to organise photos of the wedding party and couple. Someone to video the ceremony and the cake being cut. Someone to provide a dozen party bags to keep the kids quiet during the reception. Someone to make you a beautiful table plan and name cards for the guests. Maybe if you're lucky, someone who could DJ for you! And finally wild card offers of help if someone has a brilliant idea (eg a garden full of spring flowers they would love to cut to make bouquets for you and flower girl to carry, or a beautiful veil you can borrow, or someone who would love making wedding favours for you or would like to make a hand-made Guest Book for everyone to sign).

Some guests might take umbrage but position it well and it could be charming to get your friends and family involved. There could be some wonderful and very funny memories and as long as you arent precious about things going a bit awry or people letting you down.

Ideas to scale back:

• create your own invitations and print your own information inserts. You can make them beautiful - perhaps a crafty bridesmaid could help.
• table decorations and chair covers not needed, can be kept simply to what the venue provides.
• there are lots of ideas online for funky centerpieces, you don't have to be too traditional.

-Have just a flower girl and tell her mum she can wear any pretty outfit she already owns. -Level with bridesmaids about budget. They can wear whatever they want to the wedding and you can do each others hair and make up. -Second hand wedding dress. There are AMAZING bargains to be had. Get the bridesmaids to help hunt!

• groom and his party should match you- any old smart outfit will do, ideally a suit though
• ask a couple of relatives to work together to video key moments of the wedding eg vows, speeches, cutting the cake.
• ask colleagues and friends for hacks. Think outside the box - eg if you are not Asian, what about suppliers to Asian weddings who you might not usually ask to quote?
• if music is important what about people who have done great Christmas parties? I know someone who DJs end of year kids discos who would be an awesome wedding DJ.

You really don't have to spend a fortune

No I don’t feel that I am in to the whole big wedding thing anymore.

We’ve attempted to get married so many times but stopped due to lockdown that now I think I’m over doing it the way we now have planned.

I’m not a natural planner/very creative and feel like I’m spinning so many other plates that adding anything else in to my mind is driving me to insanity.

I think I am leaning towards cancelling and risking losing deposits of venue, photographer and make up.

Don't cancel but ask for money or vouchers rather than gifts snd scale right back - can a friend do photographs? Can you do your own flowers? Can you not have bridesmaids? I didn't have any and it was fine!

Also - cancel the make up! That's an unnecessary expense.

Lots of people even with big weddings ask bridesmaids to buy their own dresses, can get the men to wear their own suits and give them button holes to show who they are?

Re the photographer phones are so good nowdays you can ask a couple of friends to family members to capture it for you?

Sorry it won't be the classic wedding you were looking for but Vs having no wedding this is all still great! If you end up cancelling the venu what my friend did before I met them was great, they hired a village hall and instead of gifts they asked for everyone to bring something for a buffet! Their friends made the cake as a gift too, not to professional standard but that didn't matter.

Hope this helps. You are right to look as scaling it back now, much better than getting stressed and giving yourself a large debt for the future as I've heard people can be paying off their weddings for years sometimes

Of you cancel the photographer I wonder if they'd do you a l little quick photoshoot at home (any time rather than wedding photos) that the deposit will cover? May be worth an ask you could get some lovely shots and the money not be wasted

My husband and I “eloped” (I put it in quotations because it was in our local church and it was in covid times so was a bit easier to do) and we are so happy we did. It cost us £1000 as apposed to 20k. We also lost deposits but that was money that was long gone so didn’t feel the lose.

Whenever we go to weddings we always comment on how we would have hated the pageantry and spending that much money.

Go with your gut, you don’t owe anyone wedding.

We had to cancel our wedding in the early planning stages a couple of years ago. We lost £1150 in deposits, but it was nothing compared to what we would have lost if we'd have gone ahead. We estimated the wedding to cost 20K at a minimum, and with two kids we just couldn't envisage ever being able to save that amount of money in 2 years. As it turns out, by the time we would have been getting married (it was this July) we had a grand total of 2k in savings. We would have had to take out massive loans, work additional shifts, give up a honeymoon etc to have had the wedding. On hindsight we made the right decision, but it was upsetting at the time.

@123aaah i got married on the weekend, cost us less than £5,000. Beautiful dress from Asos, bridesmaids dresses (x3) bought online. Hired suits (some good deals around), had a party in a local club and a friend decorated it, had a hot buffet meal.

It was all very relaxed and done exactly how we wanted.
In total the 4 dresses came to £300. Bought the cake from Costco for £71 (it was cheese) and looked absolutely stunning. The cake became part of the buffet with crackers and chutneys etc.

It is possible to have a lovely wedding on a small budget.

Take a look at what you really want and then work out how to do it cheaper.
All that mattered was that we were married, the rest was just extras x

@123aaah we also didn't hire a photographer but asked guests/friends to take photos, we got some fabulous ones. Flowers were artificial bouquets and looked absolutely amazing. We made our own photo booth in an out of the way area with a big flowery backdrop and some blow up bits and bobs, guests loved it and some of the best photos were from there x

I would scale it right back and do as much as you can on a lemonade budget. Can you find a student photographer or a friend who is a videographer etc? If it’s really stressing you this much, I’d not spend the money. It’s one day!!! X

We have just cancelled ours. We lost the deposit but that was a fraction of what it would have eventually cost us. We just can't justify the expense when everything else is shooting up, including this week, our mortgage which is a nice surprise-thanks government.

Additionally DP's ex wife was already indicating she would be difficult about the DSS's being allowed to come and it would have ended up being about that. We just don't have the energy.

Going to registry office it, just the two of us and then have a party probs.

I now wish we had done the simple route of registry office but this is our third attempt due to lockdowns so I thought this was what I/we wanted.

My husband and I went to the registry office, and 25 years later, I still consider it one of the best things we've ever done. Zero stress, hardly cost anything, and we had a lovely day. I think it's madness to spend all of your savings just to get married. It makes no sense at all. Cancel everything and just go get married. You could plan a party for your first anniversary.

I got my dress from Ebay, same for DH's suit, flowers from a market, flower girls in their own frocks...it would have been lovely to have been more flash, but our wedding day was lovely and I dont regret any of our choices, they were the best we could manage at the time and everyone had lots of fun.

Do you want to be married or have a wedding ?

Oh, we didnt have a proper cake either, lots of friends and relatives made a us victoria sponges of various sizes and we did one of those tiered naked cakes that were fashionable at the time.

Exactly. All my husband and I wanted was to be married. A wedding is just an expensive party.

Weddings are a great big fucking con.

Cancel it, get down the reg office with very close family/friends before Christmas. Start next year with money in the bank and married.

We got married in a reg office 21 years ago. No regrets. It cost something like £37.

You don’t need a photographer or professional make up. Tell your bridesmaids they can wear what they like do you don’t pay for the dresses. You don’t need an expensive dress either, get a high street one or second hand. Suits can be hired cheaply. Do place settings yourself and favours can just be a couple of chocolates or sweets. No point paying loads and using your savings!