Should we cancel our wedding?

[123aaah]

We’re due to get married March 23. Doing a basic package totalling around £4000 but the added extras are just racking up 😩… Photographer, bridesmaid dresses, my wedding dress, suits etc etc.
Due to cost of living we’ve had to delve in to our savings a few times and I feel like cancelling the whole thing as we will be left with £0 in savings after it. I’m stressed. Anxious every day about it. Would probably lose £1500 deposit if we cancelled now but that’s a lot less than what we would spend if continued.

We did a registry office a couple weeks ago for £250 and could have had up to 25 guests. They had other rooms for up to 60 guests. We have a more formal celebration coming up but honestly, we could have just booked a pub after, added sone silk flowers and it would have been lovely!

I think its lovely to have a nice day with friends and family but all that extra stuff like expensive new dresses and professional make up and hair dos are just a waste of money imo. Get bridesmaids to wear what they want, find a second hand dress, do your own hair and make up. See if you can get a photographer to come for an hour and take some professional shots of you and your family all dressed up just before/after the ceremony, for the rest just ask people to take pictures and make it easy to share them.

Don’t think about it in terms of what you’d “lose”. You’ve committed some money already through deposits etc, and you definitely want to get married. So - what are the alternatives?

Cancel everything, which costs you your deposits, and book registry office. Cost that up (including the lost deposits). You can go this route.

Cancel some things, book registry office, but keep eg photographer, one bridesmaid? Cost that up, including remaining lost deposits. That’s a slightly fancier cheaper option.

Go ahead with what you’ve planned - add up all the likely upcoming costs. You get all the things you booked. Cost that up.

Then compare all the options. Don’t fret about “losing” deposits. You’ve not been silly - you’ve had to postpone so often and the world has changed. Look at your full costs for all the alternatives side by side, and work out what you’d choose right now, never mind your previous plans.

I'm getting married tomorrow. It has cost £350 for the registry office, £25 for the dress and £22.50 for my flowers. We are going for tapas after with out two witnesses and have budgeted £150 for that. We will be just as married as anyone spending thousands.

I think it isn’t sensible with things as they are to leave yourself without savings. I’d cancel and go to local registry office then out for a nice meal . We had to cancel wedding in Italy and do local registry office as boiler broke down and we needed to repair it -22 years on I don’t regret it.

My husband and I have been married 13 years now. The biggest regret I have was having the big wedding. I look back and think what a waste of money. I wish we just eloped and had a party when we came back. I was so stressed about the whole thing I didn't enjoy it one bit. At the end of the day we just wanted to be married and that's all that really matters. It's a commitment to each other, not anybody else. Good luck with what ever choice you make xxx

get married in a registry office. book a big room in a pub for a party after (don't tell them it is a wedding because the charges could go up). have a nice time.

There are ways to keep the costs down OP, as detailed above. How about renting the dresses and suits? I know a bride always her own dress, but my dress is sitting in the loft. I wore it once. In retrospect, it was a total waste of money and I'd have been able to rent a beautiful, designer dress for a fraction of what I spent buying one. As for bridesmaids dresses, absolutely rent them! Ditto groom, best man, ushers, etc if they don't already have their own suits? Agreed to ditch the makeup - just do your own. The one thing that I think is worth doing is hair, unless you are a hairdresser or have a mate who is that can do it.

Personally, I'd cancel. Don't start your married life in debt. The marriage is more important than the wedding.
It's not nice to potentially have to lose what you've already paid, but a whole extra pile of extra money paid on top, so you don't 'lose' what you've spent already is not going to help anything.
I say, have the tiniest wedding then a party celebration as and when you can afford to.

Sorry you're so stressed 😔

(Ps I did it this way and so did my daughter)

Thanks so much for all the replies. It’s given me a lot to think about.

i’ve had a day full of emotions worrying which I know in the grand scheme of things is silly but I think I just need to make the decision & I’ll feel better.

I was the same op. I had weeks going round and round on it. But I felt better when I had decided and I'm actually really looking forward to our sort of secret wedding-like a little mini elopement. I'm going to wear a lace dress under my leather jacket I think and we will have a lovely lunch somewhere in London and get drunk on champagne in the afternoon.

If you can still afford it I would keep the basic package for 4k.so you don't lose your deposit but scale back in everything else.
Oxfam have a store that sells second and dresses at a fraction of the cost of new. for the bridesmaids ask them to wear a particular colour and choose their own. A friend got her bridesmaids dress from ASOS. Don't bother with hair and make up. Cancel the photographer, most people take their own photos anyway.
If you want to give favours make your own or give something like seeds.or out a few chocolates in a nice box that you can make. make your own invitations etc

We got married last week in a beautiful registry office with just our parents & children and had a nice meal nearby, it was so lovely and we havent spent 1000s on what is ultimately one day. If you just want to be married and arent fussed on the trimmings, i would highly recommend! Good luck xx

What does the basic package include?

It would be a shame to lose your deposit, it’s a lot of money.

The only thing I would pay for is a decent photographer.

The rest you can do on a budget.

Have you got any creative friends/family that can help with flowers, invitations and a cake?

Seems a poor decision to me to just walk away and end up paying £1500 and not getting married.

Just look at where you can save, from this point.
Lots of ideas above (not needing bridesmaids.....not buying matching suits....not having a photography package) and I am sure lots of people will give you support and ideas about where else you can save if you want to post what you are thinking of spending but haven't spent yet. (make up - as mentioned several times, cars ?, flowers? or revisiting the number of guests etc).

But don't just throw away what you have already committed to because you are worried about money.

That sounds an amazing plan ❤️ Hope you have the best day!

The fact it’s keeping me up at night worrying about money and the future with no savings to our name is just not making the process enjoyable. I think you have your answer here, because if you are not enjoying it you are not going to get any value from the spending.

Just keep you basic 4k package and look for cheap outfits. Forget all the extras.

Thank you for all the ideas! I’ve my notepad and I’m weighing up all my options. In bed for an earlier night with my daughter snuggled up to me so feeling less anxious.

Sounds lovely ❤️

Could you talk to the venue to say costs are mounting up and see if it's possible to use a smaller different function room there so it's more like an after party to save losing all the deposit money paid already? Then have a buffet instead of a sit down meal after getting married at the registry office if you can't use it any longer to get married in at the reduced price.

Some fab ideas on here on how to keep costs down for dresses, flowers, invites etc.

(If I had my time again I'd hire a village hall, decorate it in a vintage style with battery tealights in jam jars and fairylights to make it cosy and magical, homemade floral arrangements and have posies with ribbons instead of traditional bouquets, serve an afternoon tea style buffet, hire my dress or buy it from the charity shop then donate it back afterwards, make up a playlist for dancing and have some loose balloons and a few party games for the children to enjoy.)

Good luck 💐

That sounds lovely! What does your partner think about this wedding?

@WellThatDidntGoAccordingToPlan I went to a wedding a bit like you describe, and it was one of the nicest ones I've ever been to! I like to think I'd do similar if I had my time again, as well.

What actually matters in all of this is

Pressed send too soon.

What matters is the legal security of being married. I love my husband very much but we wanted to be married, we didn't want a wedding. We had a registry office do for 30 people and then hired a little local cafe bar. I wore a gorgeous floral 50's dress. No bridesmaids, no favours, no decor, really relaxed. People still tell me it was their favourite wedding, because we tried not to do the whole wedding thing. Parent back, be bold, do what you want.