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Original poster

Double barrel surname

51 replies

run6754 · 18/08/2022 20:40

Hello! I'm looking for opinions!

Due to get married in 12 weeks but I still haven't decided what I'd like my married name to be Blush

My main issues are: I'd love to have the same surname as my fiancé but I am also really close to my family and don't want to lose my maiden name... (long story but it means a lot to me)

Therefore, I am swaying towards double barrelling my surname.

Has anyone does this and regretted it?
What about future kids' name?

(I have asked if my fiancé would take my surname but no chance!)

Thanks!

OP posts:
LidFlipper · 18/08/2022 20:42

I double barrelled mine and I kind if regret it. Its just so long, its a pain to write and say. But I didn’t want to get rid of my name but I also wanted to take my husbands name so I have to get over it!

fufflecake · 18/08/2022 20:42

Do it and own it.

ChickinMarango · 18/08/2022 21:15

I double barrelled mine, two kids have just hubby’s name. I don’t regret not giving them both names but I regret mine (even though it sounds cool 🤪).

SaltandPepper22 · 18/08/2022 21:19

The problem with double barrelling is that there is a ceiling. If you because Mr and Mrs Smith-Jones and you had a DC Sarah Smith-Jones, what would she do if she later chose to marry? She can’t really be Smith-Jones-White and on and on. So she has to choose, does she pick one of your names to double barrel? Does she ditch the name entirely (meaning your name is still “lost” in effect). Personally I’m a fan of creating your own name out of the two, the Smith-Jones become the Smones, for example.

I’m taking H2B name because I think it’s an important part of being married to have the same name, and I’ve always hated mine so it’s a good excuse!

Nadal · 18/08/2022 21:20

You could use your family name as a middle name

CMOTDibbler · 18/08/2022 21:22

I kept my name, but ds is double barrelled and at 16 he says he has no intention of dropping any of it, so I'd vote for you and any future children double barrelling.

ratussbaguss · 18/08/2022 21:22

Didn't formally change my name but use my DHs (and DCs) last name when dealing with school etc or anything non formal where it doesn't need to be my legal name. Suits me

EL8888 · 18/08/2022 21:23

I vote double barrelled. That’s what lm doing later this year

Nugg · 18/08/2022 21:24

Family name as middle with no hyphen

lifesnotaspectatorsport · 18/08/2022 21:24

I just kept my own surname but all the kids are double-barrelled. Never been an issue.

If they get married and want to change names, I figure they have more surnames to choose from! And surnames don't exactly get used much in everyday life now (in paperwork, sure, but no one calls me 'Ms Surname', they use my first name).

SalviaOfficinalis · 18/08/2022 21:25

Yes I double barreled mine and changed it back.
It was just a massive pain, had to spell it out constantly and I felt ridiculous saying it.

It does depend on the name - I have an unusual surname that I have to spell anyway, so it just added to the hassle.

I changed mine to double barreled quite a few years after I got married because I was pregnant and wanted to share a surname with the baby (who has DH’s name) but didn’t want to lose my maiden name.

I’m happy I’ve gone back to my maiden name - and it doesn’t bother me having a different name to my DS - I know I’m his mother and I know I’m married to his father. It doesn’t bother me that people might assume we’re not married.

biscuitcat · 18/08/2022 21:25

We double barrelled, and DS's surname is double barrelled too. Neither of us use the double barrel at work as for both of us it was easier to stay the same. For me, I'd only have been willing to change my surname in any way (including double barrelling) if DH changed his too, and he was also keen for us to have the same name so it worked for us. We did consider quite seriously combining our names but they just didn't mesh very nicely.

For kids, when they get married, my view is that I chose what to do with my surname, and they can choose what to do with theirs - neither DH or I will be offended if all or part of the surname is changed!

Daisy4569 · 18/08/2022 21:26

I double barrelled, partner kept his and our baby got mine as a middle name (born a few months before the wedding)

Tigerstigers · 18/08/2022 21:27

I took DH name, but kept my maiden name as a kind of middle name (they aren't hyphenated) so I'm Tigers maiden name DH. If I'm just asked for surname I just give DHs rather than the two together, so it makes it easier. But I like still having my maiden name as part of my name. DC just have DHs surname

BloodAndFire · 18/08/2022 21:28

We each kept our names, the kids are double-barrelled.

I wouldn't start out my married life on a fundamentally unequal basis.

Squashedraddish · 18/08/2022 21:29

I made my maiden name my middle name (didn’t have one before) and married name is new surname

User0ne · 18/08/2022 21:30

I kept my name and our kids are double barrelled.

I think you need to thrash out what you'll do about any potential kids before you make a decision.

In your position I'd be interested to hear why your fiance won't take your name. I'd be worried it is symbolic of some underlying sexist crap

zodiac89 · 18/08/2022 21:30

(I have asked if my fiancé would take my surname but no chance!)

Keep your own name. You'll still be married. But you'll also still be you.

Why are you so keen to sacrifice part of your identity to merge with someone who's said there 'no chance' they'd do the same for you?

SalviaOfficinalis · 18/08/2022 21:32

zodiac89 · 18/08/2022 21:30

(I have asked if my fiancé would take my surname but no chance!)

Keep your own name. You'll still be married. But you'll also still be you.

Why are you so keen to sacrifice part of your identity to merge with someone who's said there 'no chance' they'd do the same for you?

I agree with this. I should have added to my post that my DH offered for us both and DS to double barrel but I decided we’d both stick with our own names.

GrandSlamFinalee · 18/08/2022 21:32

I’m Spanish so I have two surnames (no hyphen) and will be keeping them just like that when I get married. Children will get one name from each parent. Just like I did.

My ‘long’ name doesn’t bother me. I use mostly one surname for daily stuff, but on anything official I have both my dad’s and my mum’s names.

I also wouldn’t be marrying someone I hadn’t discussed any future children’s surname/s with, but that’s just me.

MuchTooTired · 18/08/2022 21:34

I had a double barrelled surname before marriage, but mainly used half of it. DH knew it was a big deal to me so we both double barrelled with the his surname and the half of my double that I used day to day to make our own.

I had a wobble when registering our children’s birth as I thought they should just have ‘his’ surname, but DH pointed out its just my hormones out of whack and I’d regret it later, so they both have our joint name. I’m glad he put a stop to it, I would’ve regretted it.

When my children are old enough to marry, I don’t really mind what they do with their surname - it’s their name, and their choice.

coffeeneeded · 18/08/2022 21:37

DH and I both took each other's name and double barrelled them and we love it.

It sounded better with his name first and mine last so that's how we did it. (Much to the annoyance of my in-laws.....)

elQuintoConyo · 18/08/2022 21:38

Also Spanish here. Kept my name, DH kept his. DD is Maria Quintoconyo Hernandez (for example). Both surnames are used on everything.

KangarooKenny · 18/08/2022 21:55

Ive double barrelled and don’t regret it. Kids have just DH name

toastofthetown · 19/08/2022 10:19

I added my family name as a middle name, and changed my surname. Having a single family name was important to me and double barrel names aren’t to my taste. We considered DH taking my name too.

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