Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Original poster

Double barrel surname

51 replies

run6754 · 18/08/2022 20:40

Hello! I'm looking for opinions!

Due to get married in 12 weeks but I still haven't decided what I'd like my married name to be Blush

My main issues are: I'd love to have the same surname as my fiancé but I am also really close to my family and don't want to lose my maiden name... (long story but it means a lot to me)

Therefore, I am swaying towards double barrelling my surname.

Has anyone does this and regretted it?
What about future kids' name?

(I have asked if my fiancé would take my surname but no chance!)

Thanks!

OP posts:
Barrawarra · 19/08/2022 10:24

I think most double barrelling sounds a bit daft, to be honest, but I get why people do it. I took DH name similarly to pp above, wanted us all to have the same name and fancied a change. But I’m not comfortable with the patriarchal history of it all, so that’s not an ideal solution. I like the making of a new joint name where both parties are happy with that, but DH unwilling as he’s the only male to carry on the name etc.

I think in general marriage is so full of unwelcome reasons to compromise, tbh, that you didn’t expect, so this is a good intro, and there is no perfect solution.

Motnight · 19/08/2022 10:30

I double barrelled mine as that was what we had done for our dd.

However have never bothered to change anything officially 🤣

BloodAndFire · 19/08/2022 10:45

Barrawarra · 19/08/2022 10:24

I think most double barrelling sounds a bit daft, to be honest, but I get why people do it. I took DH name similarly to pp above, wanted us all to have the same name and fancied a change. But I’m not comfortable with the patriarchal history of it all, so that’s not an ideal solution. I like the making of a new joint name where both parties are happy with that, but DH unwilling as he’s the only male to carry on the name etc.

I think in general marriage is so full of unwelcome reasons to compromise, tbh, that you didn’t expect, so this is a good intro, and there is no perfect solution.

How was your solution a 'compromise'?

He got exactly what he wanted, you got nothing.

Barrawarra · 19/08/2022 11:56

BloodAndFire · 19/08/2022 10:45

How was your solution a 'compromise'?

He got exactly what he wanted, you got nothing.

Show quote history

Fair point, maybe not quite a compromise but I wanted us all to have the same name, and I wanted to change mine. So I got that. If I said I wanted to keep my name he would have been happy. He just didn’t want to change his, which is his right. Maybe my point is about the give and take. He’s had to do plenty things he didn’t want to in our marriage as well!

zodiac89 · 19/08/2022 14:00

"Having the same name? Aw yeah that sounds lovely. But you're giving up your name to make it happen, yeah? I'm keeping mine, obviously."

"Having kids? Aw yeah that sounds lovely. But you're going part time to look after them, yeah? Obviously I don't want my career to be affected."

AdoraBell · 19/08/2022 14:03

I double barrelled and DD have the same. ILs were not happy but they can go whistle.

FirstFallopians · 19/08/2022 14:18

I double barrelled and I’m bloody glad I did. A lot of the time I don’t even bother with the double barrel and just use my own name.

It’s easy to get swept away with the excitement of getting married and the idea of you being a unit, together forever bla bla bla.

Now we’ve had the kids it’s even more important to me that I kept my name- I felt like I lost my identity a bit after two back to back maternity leaves and keeping my name helped.

dmask · 19/08/2022 14:23

So will he double barrel his so you all have the same name? If he’s not willing to do that or compromise at all, I would seriously question it! I kept my name, husband kept his, children have both and this works well for us. Double surnames are common in a lot of countries so I wouldn’t worry about what happens when/if your children get married - the beauty of two names is they can pick what they want!

DangerouslyBored · 19/08/2022 14:26

I had a DB surname and hated it. It’s a v old family name, I loved it as a child but not as an adult, Im going to come across as a terrible snob, but I think the current connotations of DB names are quite negative and the total opposite of when I was at school. Was glad to take DH’s lovely but singular name 🤷🏻‍♀️

BloodAndFire · 19/08/2022 14:28

dmask · 19/08/2022 14:23

So will he double barrel his so you all have the same name? If he’s not willing to do that or compromise at all, I would seriously question it! I kept my name, husband kept his, children have both and this works well for us. Double surnames are common in a lot of countries so I wouldn’t worry about what happens when/if your children get married - the beauty of two names is they can pick what they want!

We did the same and I agree completely.

BloodAndFire · 19/08/2022 14:28

DangerouslyBored · 19/08/2022 14:26

I had a DB surname and hated it. It’s a v old family name, I loved it as a child but not as an adult, Im going to come across as a terrible snob, but I think the current connotations of DB names are quite negative and the total opposite of when I was at school. Was glad to take DH’s lovely but singular name 🤷🏻‍♀️

What do you think those 'connotations' are?

MMBaranova · 19/08/2022 14:34

Spanish father and I've got a name from him and a Slavic patronymic via my mother. Having got used to it there was no way I was going to change it.

Progeny has two surnames, but no hyphen. I passed on the Spanish one and the pair sound good together.

MercuryOnTheRise · 19/08/2022 14:35

DS and GF soon to be DIL are double barrelling and DS will change his by deed poll. GF's surname is v short and sweet, ours is long and complicated. She says she'd have no hesitation just taking his/our name but the end sound of her first name is the same as the beginning sound of our surname and the two together sound awful. On a par with Sally Lee but worse.

Einszwei · 19/08/2022 14:36

I have had a double barrelled name since birth. I love it - very easy to find myself in a list! It is also unique, so people often remember me by my name.

Kept my name when I married. Kids have a combination double barrelled name.

AnnoyedByAlfieBear · 19/08/2022 14:39

I double barrelled. Our kids have DH's surname and my maiden name as an additional middle name.

crosbystillsandmash · 19/08/2022 14:43

I double barrelled and gave both names to my dc too.
Just as well as their previously devoted dad/husband is now long gone and now they are older teens we have been easily been able to drop his name without it feeling as though they are being given a new surname!

Twizbe · 19/08/2022 14:50

I married a double barrel so not quite the same. He is 5th generation of the double so lots of experience of having children with it.

Our kids have the double barrel and zero issues for them. Mostly people think that me and DH aren't married.

2orangey · 19/08/2022 14:58

I double-barrelled and I'm quite happy with it. I often forget and just give my original ('maiden' although I don't like that term) surname. Haven't changed it at work but it's on passport, bank accounts etc. It's fine but we both have quite short simple surnames so not too much of a mouthful.

NuttyNutNut · 19/08/2022 15:00

BloodAndFire · 19/08/2022 14:28

What do you think those 'connotations' are?

Show quote history

I think @DangerouslyBored is referring to the use of double barrelled names by unmarried couples who have children. By using a double barrelled name you can have children with different men and each gets a slightly different name depending on the father.

In the past double barred names were seen as a bit 'posh'. Currently they are not in some quarters.

Twizbe · 19/08/2022 15:02

Oh yeah, people totally think we're posh and / or unmarried.

People have thought DH was gay too because of it.

bluesky45 · 19/08/2022 15:07

We did it. We had kids first and I said because we were having kids before he had pulled his finger out and asked me to marry him, I was 100% having the same name as my kids. So the kids were dc hisname-myname. So when we got married, we both took the same name we had given the kids. He's now Mr hisname-myname and I'm Mrs hisname-myname.
It can be a pain to spell out to people when they ask you for your name, especially over the phone. But it's fine.
The kids aren't bothered at all. They both know their name. They also like that they can see grandad is grandad hisname because it's daddy's dad. And granny is granny myname because it's my mum etc.

Wartywart · 19/08/2022 15:10

Don't bother. You will find you can't be bothered with it in a few years. Don't double barrell the kids either. Just use your maiden name as a middle name for them.

southlondonerhere · 19/08/2022 15:20

I'm going to take partners surname and add my surname as my middle name. DP is going to also be taking my surname as a middle name too. Then any children we have will have dp's surname and my name as a middle name. So essentially we will all have the same middle and last names. Only reason for this is that I want us to all have the same name and I don't really fancy double barrelled (also means that my surname will be part of my childrens names forever 🤪 ) .. unless they purposely change their middle name which is unlikely

LBF2020 · 23/08/2022 02:48

I was born with a double-barrelled name. It causes so many (admittedly small!) problems and I find myself continually apologising to people for it. Both parts of mine are long and require spelling. I'm ditching it when I get married!

Bunchymcbunchface · 08/09/2022 20:51

I’m double barrelling mine as I love my surname and always have! I hate my first name, but love my surname.
I’ll be 46 and our son will be 20, he’s got his dads surname anyways, so it’s just me with a different name ……just like it is now