What have you learned?

[user237363826]

What tips would you give to those planning a wedding ?

What would you do differently? What would you not even bother with ?

Love to hear from everyone on their different experiences ❤️

I'd say don't stress about the small stuff only you will notice if something isn't quite right because everyone will be busy enjoying themselves so it really doesn't matter.
Make a list of family/group photographs you would like your photographer to take and give them it, we didn't bother with a list and I really wish we had as it wasn't until after we got the photos back that I realised I didn't have a photo of myself and my sister (who was maid of honour) or myself and my grandmother, and I'm still really upset about it.

I would echo the points around food and drink being plentiful. I've been to weddings where one glass of pimms was served and the bride and groom fucked about having pictures for 2 hours. It was unbearably hot and boring. Everyone was unbelievably thirsty. And pimms is vile

Then in the evening it's all in one room with the loudest music you've ever heard with no seating anywhere else for anyone to chat. I would sneak off to grab ten minutes peace elsewhere and the bride would demand to know why I wasn't in the main room being deafened to her playlist of awful 90s trance.

On that point, make the music something for everyone. This isn't your opportunity to show case your eclectic taste - it's a party for everyone to enjoy, not a rave/rock concert/nightclub. If you have old people coming they will want a space to sit and chill.

Your wedding sounds a lot like ours. People still tell us how much they enjoyed it, which is nice because that's what we intended

@JustSmallFry 😁

Agree. Ceremony plus afternoon tea/cocktails is plenty.

That people are more important than anything else. If you've got crap argumentative friends and family, it's going be hard. If you've got lovely lard back folk, it will be great.

Design your wedding around the people you want to come.
Don't put your guests through hoops to prove their love for you.
Don't ask for a dress code that's hard for some, or say no children.

Don't make it so rich friends and family can come and enjoy themselves, but hard up people get stressed about it.

That's ^^ a life time's learning about weddings. When I get an invite from one side of my family, my heart sinks. I know there will be trouble.

Thanks for this thread OP! I'm also planning my wedding and there's great tips in here :)
From a guest perspective this is what I would focus on....

1. Don't let people get hungry or thirsty!
2. Later ceremony around 3pm
3. Have to disagree with a few posters on the evening do - best bit for me
4. Don't force people to sit with strangers etc, sit people with their friends so everyone can relax and get in the right mood.
5. Don't spend 2 hours getting photos, 30 mins max and then ask the photographer to do more natural/ candid shots throughout the day.
6. Perfectly fine to ask for 'cash donations' in leui of gifts
7. If you are doing favours make it something that can be used eaten then and there or it gets left behind and wasted
8. Just frigging enjoy yourself! If your stressed and tense it will show and rub of on your nearest and dearest.

I loved our wedding and many guest said it was one of their faves.

spend on entertainment snd a good photographer not flowers or chair coverings

we got An amazing bargain on a location by being out of season ( later March) and On a Sunday- as in wedding for 120 people with overnight stay included for 100 all food and exclusive use of location for 8500!!

boring bits are sitting around waiting for meals and speeches so we had pass the parcel and a magican and a guest book and little video booth to keep it fun.

I did do table plans but perhaps needn’t have bothered - it is a lot of hassle. Let them just sit down.

be Pacey we started at 2 done by midnight, nothing worse than standing about. Had a circus theme, created decorations as part of hen do so friends could meet and knew each other on the day.

celebrant and unique ceremony, included everyone playing all you need is love on the kazoo!

Love this!!

If you are inviting children, make sure there's lots of age appropriate entertainment so the parents can relax.

We had a toy box, pens, paper and colouring books, little photo props, various books, and kids disco before the main disco. Most of the kids hung out in the kids corner most of the day/evening and the parents all commented how great it was that the kids were occupied and well behaved - except mine, mine ran riot 🤣 they were bored of their old toys

Don't do it 😂 the big wedding, not the marriage that is!
We had a very low key wedding and now looking back, even that was too much! If I could turn back time, we'd go to the registry office with DH grandparents as witnesses and then tell everyone afterwards. We don't now speak to more than half of the people that came, even though they were either family or very close friends at the time. Complete waste of money!

Oh I love this!!
Didn't even think of this 👏🏼👏🏼

Lol don't do it 🤣🤣 xx

I've been planning a small wedding but not yet had my day so can't comment on my choices though I guess it's harder to regret not spending more money than spending too much. Our wedding in total will be under £2,500 - it's basically registry office then private room in nearby restaurant.

I would say that if you want a small wedding be clear about numbers. We started off with just parents and siblings and it's grown slightly - still small (under 20), but I can see how it could just grow and grow. So think carefully and put down rules. We're only inviting aunts and uncles as cousins and their families would just make it too big, as an example.

If you don't want anyone's input eloping is the best way 😂I thought a small wedding would mean less input but I'm not sure. People still want to have their say. And even though it's small there's still a decent amount to organise.

Registry offices can be nicer and offer more personalisation than I realised. We're going to a sweet little old town and the registry office has an amazing view.

You can still look nice without it costing a crazy amount. I got a wedding dress on ebay for 1/4 of its price. Professional make-up and hair are worth it to look good for photos though unless obviously, you can do them really well and it won't stress you out.

My experience as a guest has taught me that if you're having a long wedding day then think about the venue location for guests. Being stuck in a stuffy room in the middle of nowhere can be dull for a few hours while the bride and groom get photos done. Whereas being in a zoo or some other interesting location can allow guests to have a little wander and not be bored.

I sort of agree with others that favours are unnecessary. At most weddings, it seems to just be tat that you don't need. Since I have a small number of guests I could afford something a bit nicer but I agree it is unneeded - I just couldn't help myself. And it's something to consume so not a cheap shot glass or the like.

Sorry I can see this is a fairly old thread but so so helpful thanks for starting !
We get married next year and so many helpful tips on here as I had the same questions .

We not getting married until 4 amd just inviting everyone to the whole thing
No formal photos
No bridesmaids just a best man
All family staying at venue night before for a rehearsal dinner and some pampering

Dinner will be served at 6.30 but plenty of fizz amd nibbles while people chat amd enjoy seeing each other as many family coming from abroad .
No favours
Short speeches
No flowers apart from a small bouquet for me amd something for the two mums . Everything else I think is plastic / fake amd comes with the package !

Cheese wedding cake will form evening snack with a bottle of port on every table amd some breads / posh crackers ect

We will have a first dance as have a special song and then having a mother son dance but for all the mums amd sons .

Will definitely check out free bar but have added plenty of alcohol onto the day already

Black tie so all my female friends amd family can treat it like a summer ball and go all out if they want to .

Just so excited to have everyone together and do our best to provide them with a fun memorable day to share with us

Oh and we're asking for memories not things on a gift list ..... anything from a cinema voucher / coffee at Starbucks to a bungee jump or pottery class . Might be quite fun !

Don't spend to much money, save the money for something more important like a fantastic honeymoon or house deposit. The day passes in a blur and all those small details really don't matter.

Keep it plain and simple, no one cares about the harpist in the corner or the huge flower decorations or the extravagant centre pieces on the table.

keep it small and make it all about you two.

best wedding we have been to apart from our own was in the village church and then to the village hall for food and then the ceilidh at night.. probably the least expensive wedding we have ever been to.

the worst was one that the father of the bride spoke about how much the day cost continually (it was over 26k) lots of hanging about, everyone was hungry and it was a 2 hr drive away in the middle of no where.

Don't get married in the middle of nowhere.
We went to a wedding in Yorkshire because the bride was able to get the reception venue free (family connection). All the guests, both sides, had to travel from South west England or Central and Highland Scotland.

That most people forget about the wedding very soon after. I have been to quite a few weddings and the only one that I still remember the details to date was a particular bad one where we were sat in a different room away from the bride and groom, and had to pay for own drinks.

Keep group photos to a minimum

with the best will in the world not that many people are that interested in your wedding

feed them well, provide lots of drink, including a quiet place to have a cup of tea.

good wedding disco.

don’t stretch the day out too long.

think about how far people are travelling.

And I’ve been to very cheap and very very expensive weddings and enjoyed both types.

• chair covers look fantastic in a empty room all made up. Once coats and bags get put over the back of the chairs and people are sitting, they become lost. Unless that chairs are really dreadful, then don't bother

• Pew ends. I made chiffon ribbon things, but it was a waste of time and effort. I didn't notice on the day and doubt anyone else did

• have the smallest wedding party you can to avoid costs, arguments over bridesmaid dresses etc. I just had a MOH and DH a a single groomsman

• if you want other friends/family involved, they could do a reading or be an usher. My female cousin was an usher and helped hand out umbrellas and bubbles at the end (doesn't always need to a male only).

• Choose flowers that will be in season at the time of the wedding. Out of season and exotic flowers are more expensive

• Have a list of which photos/group shots do want with the photographer beforehand. It sounds ridiculous, but we ended up with absolutely no family group shots with my mum, brother and nan. At the time- I kept just thinking groups would be taken later, but it never happened and I'm incredibly sad about that.

• I know people are against favours. The only ones I like are food! I bought little favour boxes from poundland- 10p each. I then melted chocolate and added coconut, or dried fruit or cherries etc and put into heart shaped moulds. No one left any on the tables.

• We made the thank you cards ourselves. Actually just an A4 sheet of paper, folded into 3 but with pics from the day. I also sent this to elderly relatives that couldn't attend. They loved seeing the photos.

• Choose a neutral meal like chicken if there is only 1 option- which alot of people will eat. Don't choose steak, seafood, very spicy or something few people will be familiar with. Ask what the vegetarians/vegans will get, because I'd heard of nightmare meals with people just being given broccoli and a carrot!

• Ebay have a bulk section, so I bought the centrepiece vases and mirrors online and collected. I then re-sold them afterwards. I also go candle holders from a charity shop for 20p each.

• If the venue don't allow confetti/rice etc, make this clear on the invite and hand out bubbles/petals instead (or whatever is allowed)

• A flip flop basket is great, not only for the bride but anyone in heels!

• If you have a large, meringue type dress, sit on the toilet seat backwards, facing the cistern. The dress train can hang out the door or be held up by bridesmaid and not get dirty

Don't have photos taken on a island that will be cut off by the tide and have to be rescued by the RNLI. Saw that on social media the other day!

Don’t try and do a fancy budget on a shoestring.

My fiancé and I have been to two polar opposite weddings recently that probably had a similar budget.

1. directed their budget in the direction of lots of food and a free bar, wedding was at a church and reception in pub garden. Great time had by all.
2. directed their budget in the direction of a posh “wedding venue”. Had the wedding on a Monday, provided one glass of sparkling wine and a “buffet dinner” of only sandwiches. People were hungry and thirsty.

Think of Maslow’s hierarchy. Meet people’s basic needs first and you are more likely to have happy guests and a fun time.

Don’t have the ceremony too early and if you do don’t get the booze out straight away.

Goes one of two ways - too many people too drunk too soon, or same day hangovers by the time we get to the disco so no one’s really up for it.

Keep it short and simple. No one really wants to travel or revolve an entire weekend around your wedding. Three hour reception after the ceremony is plenty. Provide plenty of food & drink.

Those who want disco can go out together afterwards.