I hate how I looked on my wedding day

[Tiredasamf]

We got married 2 weeks ago. When I first chose my dress I loved it, but I’d just had a baby and my boobs were huge so the dress had to be built up for me to be able to wear a bra with it (it was originally backless) when I went to my fittings I didn’t like it as much as the original I’d tried on but it was okay, and I was stuck with it anyway! (My boobs shrunk by the wedding day so I could have had the original design which was annoying)

anyway on the day I felt okay, but we’ve had our wedding photos and honestly I hate every single one. We put the dress on in a rush on the day and definitely didn’t position it properly, it’s gapey, bunched up at the waist and just looks awful and like it doesn’t fit at all. I didn’t realise this on the day as I didn’t see myself throughout the day. But the photos are so so horrible. I also don’t like how my hair or makeup looks, I just hate the whole look.

I have really bad self esteem issues and really just wanted to feel pretty for one day, but looking at those photos I look worse than I usually do day to day! It’s really hit me and all I’m thinking about is what I did wrong and wishing I’d made other decisions - a different dress, had my hair down instead of up, heavier makeup, taken the time to position the dress properly etc

I’m so gutted. I’m one of those people where photos mean a lot to me and to have no photos that I like of the day has really gutted me.

has anyone experienced this or similar? It might sound silly to some but it’s literally keeping me up at night and every time I see a photo from the day I just cry.

I know this is a bit hard but can you try and laugh about it? It’s more important that you had a nice day and got married to the person you love. A dress is just a dress. I’m sure you looked lovely to everyone else and maybe in the future you’ll learn to remember all the difficulties you had trying to adjust it etc and will laugh about it all.

I got married 15 years ago when I was 6 months pregnant and lots of things about the day went wrong - mostly dh and I got food poisoning late at night that evening and spent the entire time running to the toilet and back! It wasn’t fun! But the rest of the day was lovely and we just laugh about it now.

I think there’s such a build up to weddings, so much expectation about perfection - the perfect dress, venue, day, makeup etc that every bride ends up disappointed about something. We are also so critical of ourselves that we always focus and magnify any perceived flaws. So I’m so sorry to hear that you feel so upset with your pictures, but unfortunately I don’t think it’s that unusual.

For what it’s worth I bet you looked great, your dress most likely looked far better than you think. Try not to get so upset. Honestly I thought I looked vile in my wedding photos but 6 years on I look back with much kinder eyes and I actually looked great. Not perfect of course but I looked happy and glowing and pretty. I’m certain you’ll look back similarly in the future.

I don't like mine either.
Mostly because I felt so uncomfortable being the centre of attention- and so didn't bother planning hair/ dress enough.
I was young and didn't really know what suited me either.
However- it's just one (expensive) day in your marriage. I look back at them with some fondness because it was a happy day and the start of 20 + years.

The photos will look different as time passes. You'll start to notice different things - that you look happy, that your guests are having a good time. In 10 years' time you'll be amazed by how young you look. In 20 years' time, if your experience is anything like mine, you will be looking back to enjoy happy memories of some of your guests who are sadly no longer with us. Try to focus on the happiness of your day, not the detail of your clothes and make-up.

I sympathise. Those are your wedding pictures and you want to be able to look at them without feeling critical of how you look.

The pictures from the day, l promise you will feel less upset about as time goes on. You really will.

For your own personal happiness, why don't you arrange a photoshoot for just you, DH and your child(ren)? You could get your hair and make-up done just how you want it, not rush and get the dress tailored so you're happy with it and take pictures. That way you have a memento that works for you without diminishing how special your day was and the photos take place at a much calmer and relaxed time.

I'd do a photoshoot too

Can you edit any of the photos? You could crop out photos which show the dress fitted awkwardly for example. Surely there are some of you smiling with your husband. Is there even one where you look nice? Can you zoom in and focus on some headshots? Ask your photographer to do it or have a go yourself. What about the photos of you with family and friends which are not close up?

B&W photos can be more forgiving and timeless so I'd get some carefully converted not changed to grayscale. It was one day of your life and I'd move on , carefully storing the photos for future use.

My dress was a disaster and I was upset with it on the day, in fact one of the guests commented on it and laughed. I managed to find one or two photo's I liked and lots of the guests so I can remember the day as I saw it. It really doesn't matter to me now. I often have photo's of me that I dislike, I always seem to have my eyes shut.

Did you enjoy the day? Are you happy to be married? Think more about that. Also get your guests to send you their best photos. Crop out the bits of the dress you dislike. Maybe see if using a filter or making it black and white helps improve the make up look. Then get together the ones you like, make an album and ignore the rest.

What did the guest say about your wedding g dress?

I was told my dress was very flattering, I wasn't sure how to take that!

Time will change a lot of those feelings.

I hated my dress, hair and make-up when I first saw my wedding photos. 20 years later all I can think is how young and happy I looked.

I have an older friend who got married in the 80s with full on Princess Di hair and princess dress. She thought she looked amazing in the day but now bursts into hysterics at her wedding album.

Do you love your husband? Are you looking forward to your future together? These things are more important than whether you were picture perfect for one day.

I’m so sorry you feel this way! I didn’t really like how my dress looked either. The only picture I like was taken by one of my witnesses on their phone. My brand new husband is getting confetti thrown right in his eye accidentally and I’m really laughing. I’ve cropped it right in so you can just see our heads and shoulders. Have you asked your guests for their pics, as you might find something similar? You just need one that sums up the spirit of the day I think. 💐

I feel your upset. I can't even look at my wedding album. I've no wedding pictures up either.

I am definitely the type who is very laid back so I wasn't hiring anyone and was doing my own makeup and a relation who's a hairdresser offered to do my hair, I hadn't asked she offered straight away. She even offered to help with anything I wanted or needed, she did weddings all the time. She kept saying it was a present to me she wanted no payment.

She did a few practices with different styles, they were all lovely and we agreed one. On the day she turned up she seemed in bad form, she criticised my makeup saying it was too light, she said she'd fix it but I ended up looking like a panda, she did my hair completely different to what we had agreed on, it was awful, when I asked about changing it, she roared she was doing it for free and if I didn't like it to do it myself. I was raging I didn't hire people now.

Thankfully my dress was fine but that's because I asked 2 others to help me when my relation kept sighing.

It's sad that something so special doesn't turn out how we liked or wanted. I did contemplate getting different photos done but didn't. Wasn't fussed getting ready again and having 2 types of wedding photos. I'd actually love to do it again and have it done right, so much I'd change.

Hello,

yes I felt exactly the same. Had many issues with my dress fittings etc and in the end it just took the shine off the day.
My advice though - don’t focus on it, find the pics that you can live with (there will be some I promise) frame them and let the negative feelings go . The day is over now and you will start to look back with fondness as time goes on xx

I was going to suggest this too

Have you asked any of the guests if they got any nice photos of you/you and DH on the day? I realise the dress and hair etc will be the same, it's possible that someone's got something where your expression or the angle or just the moment they've captured means you love it.

My favourite wedding photo was taken by a guest not our official photographer.

Also hate mine. Got married in Vegas and broke my tooth on an ice lolly on the plane the day before 🙄. Got some dental cement/filling stuff but it looked bloody awful. Not one picture is my genuine smile. I can (sort of) laugh about it now but I wish I had some nice pictures.

Please go easy on yourself. There's so much pressure to look like the perfect princess on your wedding day. I hate it - your wedding is about you and your husband making a commitment to each other - not your appearance! I was 7 months pregnant when we got married and the size of a house. I quickly chose a plus size dress from monsoon - the day before my wedding. I looked terrible. We have no wedding photos in the house! My wedding was at a registry office with only witnesses so no one has really seen how I look! You know what? I don't care what I looked like. I'm just happy we got married. That made me happy. It wasn't about me, it was about us.

God, what a pain your relative sounds

A lot of people also do bride and groom wedding pictures outside of the actual wedding. You can always schedule a photo shoot and get dressed up and get at least one picture that you love.

I hate my pictures. I was pregnant and had a miscarriage exactly a month before the wedding day.

I was huge, and I dont like my dress.

I want another wedding day.

Go for a professional wedding shoot.

East Asian women get this sort of thing all the time. You'll have a professional making sure you look good with multiple checks throughout the day. You'll also get numerous outfit changes with lots of dresses being available.

Put these pic up on your wall and get pics done for your family and friends.

Please don't beat yourself up about this. Most important thing is you're married (woohoo!!)

Why don’t you have some photos done somewhere there is a lovely setting. My sister and husband were married in December. It was snowing when they came out of the tiny church so they only have a couple of windswept photos. I took the best one as I quickly took one of them in the car and they are beaming with happiness.
BIL family know a very good( slightly famous) photographer who was invited to the wedding as a guest. He took some photos including a beautiful one of my daughter ( I don’t have a copy) and offered to do a photo shoot while he was up there for their present. They went to the beach the next day. The photos are stunning far better than the ones at the venue.

Could you go to a beach( they went early in the morning), a park, a historic garden or back to the venue if it has lovely garden? Get you dress re fitted and change your hair and makeup. Take your time and chose one of those photos for a main one if you want one framed. My sister did. Mine are in a drawer somewhere. My photos are awful. DH got a friend from art college to do them. He took about ten then a few at the venue. Not on of them is good. One outside the church is ok. We get them out to laugh at now and then.DH put one in a who’s who at work once it caused a riot. He had really bushy hair then ( which he didn’t get cut at all for the wedding) and now he has a little and very short. I never thought to tell him to get a haircut! I didn’t have any photos taken on my own.

I would go and dress up for a day. If not now do it on your first anniversary. It is paper!

Get your hair and make up done a way you like, get your dress back on (even altered if needs be!) and get some new photos done. It’ll mean the world to you and could be fun!