Invitations vs Save the Date

[MKCH]

I am getting married in June next year, and I'm about to start telling people about it!
My question is - is it too early to send invitations rather than Save the Dates?

I have designed invitations and I also have a wedding website. Guests will be directed to RSVP via the website, but on there are also a couple of forms that we do really need the answers to from guests that will be attending, regarding accommodation options and a couple of other things. We really need these details sooner than the standard 2-3 months before the wedding that you'd usually send invitations/get the responses. This is the same for both daytime and evening guests.

My thinking is that regardless of whether it's a Save the Date or an invitation, if people are coming it will be in their calendar as of receiving the details.

Etiquette would dictate that I don't send invitations for quite a while yet, and to just send a Save the Date now, but does it really matter?!

I don't think it matters one iota these days. I think Save The Dates were originally intended for when you would book the church or register office, but still be finalising the details of the reception and what not. If you have finalised the pertinent details, go ahead, and send your invites - you will of course have to take into account that lives can change in the meantime and you may have people who RSVP now, who can't guarantee their attendance that far in advance.

Is this because accommodation comes as part of the wedding package and you need people to pay for this so you get full use of the venue/discounted cost?

If you're going to do invitations now, then you'll need to make sure you follow up with people closer to the time. I had someone say yes and then book a holiday because they got the dates confused. But if you want to send the invitations now then go for it

I think many people will think 'that's ages away' then not reply and then forget.
I think others will reply and then forget details.

Why not e-mail or phone the particular people you want the information from to get the specific replies for that, and then send the invitations out at a more usual time.

I've never seen the point of 'Save the Dates' as surely the people that are important will know anyway, from your conversations, or in this day and age you can use any one of many social media platforms to send a quick message.

'Save the dates' are a a bit of a bug bear of mine - especially if it's a slow reveal afterwards about what's involved e.g. location and accommodation, so give as much information as possible.

We've had friends tell us to 'save the date' for wedding only to later announce it's in another country a 3-hour flight away and necessitating taking at least 2 days annual.

I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in thinking it might be ok to do it!

I see the point about people either not RSVPing yet or RSVPing and then forgetting or plans changing, but if it were a Save the Date then they also wouldn't be RSVPing yet anyway, and then forgetting / plans changing - I'm hoping that as the RSVP is online (with an option to add to calendar) that might help, it also means I can send a reminder 6 months out from the date.

Maybe I can send a little fridge magnet with the invitations that has the date and details on it??

@toomuchlaundry something like that - it's a tipi venue and we are having the option for guests to glamp for the weekend, but we need a rough idea of numbers as there is a minimum commitment necessary to book the bell tent supplier, and if we say 'yes, there will be at least 15 tents needed' and then only 10 are taken, we are liable to pay for the remaining 5 (for example)

Congratulations!!🥂🍾

I hope you have a brilliant day 🎂 & a wonderful marriage.

I think if you have the relevant details, you might as well send the invitations now I'm not keen on 'save the date'. I'd rather know if I'm definitely invited (if the kids are) and what arrangements I'll need to make.

but, can I also say that thinking your wedding is SO different to everyone else's is starting to make you sound a bit bridezilla already. You're far from the only ones who need a rough number for bookings/accommodation etc.

Glamping on site is a great option & one I'd be up for, putting a few days aside, no problem & I'd arrange everything I could around it, as long as there was some understanding that people may have big life 'stuff' that changes their ability to attend

Can you not just ask those direct that you are inviting to stay whether it suits them? Or can everyone invited have the option to stay?

Will there be other places to stay, can people bring their own tents? How expensive is the glamping option?

Oh I think that's a bit unfair @ATadConfused - because it's a diy type venue I'm finding that a lot of a the suppliers I'd originally earmarked are now booked, so if anything it's because it's NOT unique that I need to be so organised!

I have to book a minimum of 15 in order to get them at all so I just don't want to say yes let's do it, then either pay the deposit or pay for them all and then be stuck £££ out of pocket. I'm not unique in this situation, I am very aware of that! But I also don't want to commit without numbers.

@Doidontimmm @toomuchlaundry everyone (both day and evening guests) will be able to stay at the venue in either their own tents/caravans/campers OR glamping, for one or two nights. Or they can go to a local(ish) hotel, of course, or they can go home! The glamping is £200 for two nights (per tent) so comparable to a hotel really, just without the taxi at the end of the night and something a bit fun. I don't think evening guests will go for this option as you pay for two nights regardless and the evening guests are largely local to the venue (ish).

Anyway!! I'll send the invitations :)

Thanks!

@MKCH you think it's a tad unfair that I think you're coming across as thinking you're SO unique in needing numbers so much sooner than everyone else??

We really need these details sooner than the standard 2-3 months before the wedding that you'd usually send invitations/get the responses

ok.

Name change from 'ATadConfused'.

I think just send the invitations, you’re already geared to go, these days a lot of people do actually need more than 3 months to book leave anyway and some people book a year or so in advance, unless you’re a teacher! So go for it. I am a high believer in doing what works for you not what is expected/ the norm, but that may just be my autistic brain!

But where did I say that I'm alone in having to deal with this sort of situation?!

I don't want to miss out on a preferred supplier just because 'tradition' dictates I shouldn't send invitations until a few months before the wedding. Which I am sure is the case for many other people for many other reasons!

But my solution to that was the reason for my question in the first place, which it seems is good to go, so I'll send the invitations. No Bridezilla, no "look at me look at me".

Blimey, I really didn't think the reason behind needing to send the invitations would be the contentious bit!

Do you need to know an exact number of rooms or do you just need to know there'll be at least 15?

If it's the latter just ask your parents, his parents, grandparents (if any), MOH, best man and anyone who'll be travelling a bit further. You'll soon get to 15 rooms!

How much is it to bring your own tent?

Personally I’m against save the dates. They’re an unnecessary cost because most people already know when the wedding is (isn’t it the first thing they ask you?) and if you decide closer to the time that you can’t afford as many guests (typically £100 each, all things considered) then you can’t cut the list down if you’ve sent save the dates already. Usually invitations go out 6-8 months in advance.

@Runningslow Free! So I expect some of the more seasoned campers will do that.
The venue is only about 25 mins away from where we all live, and it's an all in one venue so no travelling from ceremony to reception etc, so some people might just go home really.

@girlmom21 I just need to know that there are at least 15. I have started to do it, and have five couples confirmed, but I figure that then if I'm going to start asking people outside of immediate family about their sleeping arrangements I may as well just send out the full invitations!

It can be contentious because when some couples choose a venue and they get a special deal for a hotel etc they then pressurise guests to pay for rooms there rather than the cheaper B&B down the road. Otherwise they have to foot the bill for the unused rooms. In effect this is the same for you as you don’t want to pay for the unused tents. Are you letting people know they can bring their own tents for free?

If I was going to a wedding 25 minutes down the road I wouldn’t be staying the night depending on the cost of a taxi

Save the Dates are known as ‘Skip the Wedding’ in our house, and go straight in the shredder. I’d just send the invitations tbh, and then do a reminder a couple of months beforehand.

It's fine sending full details to family and close friends but you cannot really be doing this with looser acquaintances or holding them to it - I don't know what I'm doing in 3 months yet alone a year (sn issues with adult kids) so cannot commit to 2023, plus financial circumstances change, job circumstances change - I can't be alone. 6 months I think is the longest for anything that requires a financial commitment like expensive hotel rooms at a venue that you need them to commit to pay (which I find cheeky anyway because they tend to be inflated)

100%! They will be told that they can bring their own tents, they will be given a list of local hotels and also given the details and costs for the glamping option. I'm not trying to force anyone to do anything, they can all go home at the end of the night if they want to! It makes no difference to me where they stay, I haven't committed to anything yet.
But this is why I need to know whether people are even considering the glamping option, so I can pay a deposit to book their services, if necessary. If no one wants to glamp (or fewer than 15 tents!) then we just won't offer that as an option, and people can then just bring their own tent/caravan/camper or stay in a local hotel or go home. It really doesn't matter!

@motogirl I get what you're saying - the actual RSVP isn't required until much closer to the time, it's literally this bit to do with the potential glamping that's needed (ideally) before that. But if I'm going to ask them about it, I may as well send them the full details.

I'm not asking people to financially commit, or it be a black and white yes or no, I just need an IDEA of numbers so I know whether to pay the deposit.

Currently no one is losing out on anything - nothing has been promised or paid, and won't be until much much nearer the time.

I think it's hard for people to know what they want to do a year in advance.

Even if you send out the 'save the date' cards and people think 'yes, that's great, I'm free' they aren't going to want to commit to their accommodation choice.

Are you going to send all the prices out now with your save the dates?

@ScootsMcHoy Yes, all prices will be clear on the website with links to the suppliers websites as well, including local taxi numbers, local hotels, the fact that they can bring the tent/caravan/camper for free OR maybe they'd like to glamp.

No commitment necessary at this time. They don't HAVE to answer the questions about accommodation if they don't want to, so I'd imagine only those that think they will definitely camp or definitely glamp (or definitely do neither!) will respond, which is fine. Actual commitment and payment won't be necessary until a couple of months before the wedding and will be direct with the supplier.

If at that point the people who thought yes to glamping have turned into no, we will have to swallow the cost. But I'd rather have an idea in the first place before I book.