No invite for DP - presumably out of order to ask for one?

[DraftPunk]

I have been invited to a lovely wedding this winter and am excited to go (bride is godmother to one of my DC). The invitation is to me and my two DC.

I was widowed several years ago and have since met a new DP (2 years ago). He has never met the bride - she now lives overseas.

The wedding is a short haul flight away and I would much rather travel with DP and make a trip of it even if he can’t come to the actual wedding. My question is - is it ever acceptable to ask for a plus 1? Perhaps they have a “no meet no seat” rule (which of course is fair enough, it’s their day).

Reading this back, I can’t ask can I?

I would drop in that you and your DP will use the wedding as an excuse for a holiday and if possible would it be okay for him to come to the evening reception. It's usually more the merrier anyways. She may at that point say he can come for the whole day or she may explain she's really short on numbers etc and then you know it's not personal etc.

I'd message and ask if the invite includes partners (as if you're not sure). I've done this when kids haven't been named on the invite. Then you can be sure as you will get a reply like 'really sorry but named guests only' or 'sorry but numbers are limited' or 'of course they are' or whatever. And the holiday idea sounds good!

I would chat to your friend, say you will probably be coming for a bit of a holiday, with your DP as well. Say you’d love for them to meet, but understand she probably won’t have time so close to the wedding etc.

Hopefully she’ll take the hint and invite him.

It all depends on the situation maybe there is room maybe not, organize a holiday for you all then play it by ear, let the bride know you are all making a holiday of it, no big deal if OH has a day to himself.

Under most circumstances I'd say leave it but on this I'd be tempted to ask because it seems entirely possible she just doesn't realize! It would be weird to invite a good friend overseas without their longterm partner. That's a hell of a lot of effort, annual leave and expense not to give the option of a plus 1, whether they know him or not!

Tbh if you ask and she says no I think it should be her feeling awkward, not you.

You can’t ask but I would decline and say why. It’s so rude not to invite partners! One of DH’s friends got married and invited him but not me, needless to say karma got them and they were divorced shortly afterwards.

Just ask her.

No, definitely not if they haven't met him. Presumably you'll know other people there?

I was asked for a +1 by a few people. I said no. They all knew plenty of other guests, and I'd never met these +1 requests. In one case she had only been with him a couple months.

I didn't want strangers at my wedding.

If she's a good friend then you should be able to call her up and ask in a "it's absolutely fine to say no but I wanted to ask..."

But don't fib and say you're planning a holiday with him already, that piles on the pressure!

I would ask

I really wouldn’t put her in this position. If you’ve been with him for 2 years, then she probably knows about him surely? It would piss me right off to have to say ‘no’ or be forced to add another person to the guest list. Poor form either way.

For my wedding - I didn't know, (or didn't remember) that a friend I didn't see that often had a partner. I only invited her and not a plus one.

She was quite annoyed and contacted me about it. I was completely happy to include her plus one and was very glad she got in touch so that we could sort out the misunderstanding.

I would ask

Is he actually a DP who you live with or a boyfriend?

🥰 have a lovely time!

I think take dp on the holiday part. No harm in mentioning that dp is coming along for the holiday, then it's up to her if she wants to extend the invite to include him.

Just ask her

@AllyBama

It's not really poor from at all is it

Stop being so dramatic

I think there's a huge difference between random plus 1s at a local wedding, and serious partners when it's abroad.

Weddings are about guests as well as the couple, and if my friend was prepared to take time off work and spend money to fly abroad to see me get married I'd be very happy to buy dinner for the person keeping her company!

Sounds like you're content with your decision so fair enough, but you wouldn't have been unreasonable to ask the question.

I invited a friend to my wedding and she asked if her DP of a few months could come. I hadn't invited him because I didn't know he existed! I was happy to have him along, though, as I care about my friend and wanted her to enjoy the day too.

TBH I think it’s rude to not invite the +1.
Esp when you invite everyone in the family except them
when the couple has been together for two years
and it’s not even as if the OP had got divorced and has a string of partners behind her.

i mean if they had been married (and I was two years in), would they also have not invited him?

But No, the ‘rules’ say you can’t ask, even a friend close enough to be the god mother if your dc….

You'll probably talk to this friend before the wedding? When she talks about the wedding, why not work into the conversation that you and partner are making a holiday out of the wedding weekend then see how she reacts.

Also since if you're close enough to be Godparents then maybe you could just ask and say that you're not demanding anything but curius if she's aware that you've been together for quite a long time.

Why don’t you tell her that your boyfriend is coming with you for the trip, if she extends the invite then he’s in, if she says nothing, then leave it be.

Like other pp, I would do this. There is a fairly high chance someone will drop out last minute, and if she knows he's there she might offer up the space. I would.