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Original poster

Small wedding- ‘No meet No seat’ guest list..wwyd?

41 replies

BlackishTulips · 22/02/2022 11:24

Hi,
We are having a small wedding. Mostly family, low budget, short notice, formalising a LTR.
We would like approx 30 of us to eat in a restaurant. We are not really expecting people to travel for this event, but some will as no family is local anyhow.

We have sent messages giving the basic details to family members asking for numbers to help us plan.

One sibling has fairly recently left their partner and child for another person with 5 kids (3 teens 2 toddlers)

We have not yet met them, or even talked much on the phone since this happened.

Would you specifically want to invite all 7 of them? Or just the 2 adults? What about the cousin from the previous relationship whose other parent we would definitely NOT invite?

We were keeping it small so it could be people we know... having 7 people there who we rarely have any contact with will change the dynamic quite a bit.

I have read about ‘no meet no seat’ to keep guest lists down: wwyd?
I think no meet no seat is a bit harsh when the celebration is nearly all family. But at the same time we have never met them and have no idea whether their company will enhance the day, but then isn’t this a great opportunity for them to meet the family???

Those of you who had a small family celebration, tell me what you did about the ‘new partners’ please!!!!

OP posts:
Violetmo0n · 22/02/2022 11:26

Depends, do you want kids there?
I would invite new partner.

TigerLilyTail · 22/02/2022 11:27

I wouldn't invite them. Would you really want them in your photos?

Maybe arrange to meet them at another time,

Aderyn21 · 22/02/2022 11:29

I would invite the new partner but not their kids. You don't know them, so why would you invite what are basically strangers to your small wedding?

Ragwort · 22/02/2022 11:32

No I wouldn't invite five children I didn't know .... and what about your niece/nephew from the previous relationship?

Ragwort · 22/02/2022 11:34

Personally I wouldn't invite anyone Grin ... if you want a small wedding just keep it very small ... we got married and invited five people to lunch afterwards .... only one sibling invited ... no one ever complained to our face about it.

Original poster
BlackishTulips · 22/02/2022 11:35

Hi, thanks for your responses. there won’t be many kids. A primary aged kid a few teens and some young adults.

OP posts:
PragmaticWench · 22/02/2022 11:35

No, I wouldn't invite children I'd not met but would invite the new partner. If you're having children at the wedding I'd invite your siblings child.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/02/2022 11:36

I would invite the sibling and his 2 children.

Sittinginthesand · 22/02/2022 11:37

Does your sibling live with the new partner?

Original poster
BlackishTulips · 22/02/2022 11:38

Hadn’t given photos a thought tbh! Need to decide if we will do formal photos or not.... wasn’t really thinking of it.

OP posts:
merrymouse · 22/02/2022 11:39

Invite partner only, but also be understanding if this means they choose to decline invite.

Original poster
BlackishTulips · 22/02/2022 11:39

YES they do live together.... for about a year i think?

OP posts:
BlackCoffeeInAPoolOfSunshine · 22/02/2022 11:39

We had a small wedding but everyone we actually invited had a +1 because attending a wedding on your own when everyone else is in couples is absolutely shitty. If there'll be lots of singles/ people attending alone its absolutely fine. Bil brought a platonic friend we'd never met - absolutely the right thing to ensure he wasn't standing around feeling like a spare part. People did travel to ours as we're from different countries.

I wouldn't say that you should invite five children of a siblings's brand new partner whom you've never met though - especially to a sit down meal. An informal party where there'd be other teens and children perhaps.

Babadook76 · 22/02/2022 11:41

It’s pretty standard to invite a plus one. I agree with inviting the partner but not all of the kids

TigerLilyTail · 22/02/2022 11:46

Living together for a year isn't that new! In that case I'd invite the partner but not the kids. My brother brought his girlfriend along to a fairly major family event and it's weird looking at the photos as they didn't last long together and there's this random person none of us knew in them.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 22/02/2022 11:49

I'd invite the partner and your niece/nephew.
Not children you hadn't met. Would they even want to go to their parents partners sisters ending?

FairyCakeWings · 22/02/2022 11:54

I would invite partners, but not necessarily children if you’re having a small wedding. It would be rude not to invite live in partners.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 22/02/2022 11:56

We did no meet no seat (and also met but don't know, no seat) but we only had 25 guests.

Viviennemary · 22/02/2022 11:57

I would give your sibling a plus one invitation. I certainly wouldn't invite all 7 of them.

squashyhat · 22/02/2022 11:57

You are only inviting people who would 'enhance the day'? Jesus.

wonderstuff · 22/02/2022 11:58

We didn’t invite anyone we hadn’t met with the exception of one old friend who had a long term partner and was travelling a significant distance to the event and didn’t know anyone else. I personally definitely wouldn’t invite the kids and would be inclined to exclude new partner, sibling will know people and new partner won’t. I think the longer the guest list the more people you offend tbh.

itwasntaparty · 22/02/2022 12:02

I wouldn't invite the kids no, invite the partner but they may not come. C'est la vie.

Original poster
BlackishTulips · 22/02/2022 12:04

@TheYearOfSmallThings sibling has one child. Would you just invite the sibling and child?

I think its the number of unknown kids which makes me feel ineasy.
If its the sibling and the child and the new partner i think it would be great, but what about the toddlers? Argh

OP posts:
Chloemol · 22/02/2022 12:04

I would invite the sibling, and any kids they may have that are theirs, and that’s it

availablesizerange · 22/02/2022 12:17

We were in a really similar situation and didn’t invite the new partner - I firmly believe in no meet, no seat. We had actually met her once but we were having such an intimate wedding I didn’t want a basic stranger there ruining the day.