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Original poster

Wedding fall outs before the invites even go out!

37 replies

Unsername1233 · 08/07/2021 20:14

Me and my fiancée have finally found a venue and there were some issues surrounding the food so I just wanted to check with my nearest and dearest if they’re happy with the options. Now...

My auntie and mother have fallen out (around 6 months ago) but I didn’t think it would stop my auntie and uncle from coming. They have said due to the fall out they will not be attending. (AIBU to think they could just stay far apart?!) I’m super close to them and trying to respect their decision but it’s hurt me!

Now the second one, step mother has said my dad is not sitting at the top table with me and my mother, because, well, my mother is his ex. This seems SO silly?! I laughed at first thinking she was joking.

I now know why people find this stressful. Invites haven’t even gone out and it’s already an episode of the JK show (And unsurprising only my side of the family!)

ergh!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Unsername1233 · 08/07/2021 20:17

I’m so silly, I forgot to add both problems arisen from me asking about their food options for anyone wondering why that had any relevance!

OP posts:

Helspopje · 08/07/2021 20:18

The hating ex thing is common
My mil insisted full was placed so far away he practically wasn’t in the room
Looked so weird her just being on top table that we didn’t have one

Original poster

Unsername1233 · 08/07/2021 20:20

@Helspopje I’m already thinking not having one may be best. Although partners parents are civil so I’m guessing they can join us instead. I’m just blown away how stubborn people can be.

OP posts:

Sloaneslone · 08/07/2021 20:20

I used to organise weddings. That's sounds fairly normal. Most weddings have these issues.

I don't think it's unusual for your auntie to decline attending. Yes they can stay far part, but it will be uncomfortable and likely people will talk about them not speaking.

Its also not that unusual regarding the step mother. I think its rude of the SM to be trying to dictate, but lots of people mix things up.

So no parents on the top table.

Parents on top table, but if they are split the top table is mixed up. Father of the bride sat with Mother of the groom as an example.

All parents and their new partners on top table.

These things, unfortunately, are utterly mundane when organising a wedding. It sucks, but at least you aren't alone

Sloaneslone · 08/07/2021 20:22

Oh yes, then there's no top table like @helspopje

BlessedBeTheFruitandNut · 08/07/2021 20:23

Yup! We had similar issues. Just roll your eyes and laugh. There’s nothing you can do about your aunt, just say “we’ll that really is a shame because it would’ve meant a lot to me” and then leave well alone. Ask your Dad what he wants to do about the top table and go from there.

iklboo · 08/07/2021 20:28

We had FIL & his wife both on the top table with MIL. Her husband was supposed to be there too but they split before our wedding! We bumped up BIL3 as he was our usher (he was 15 at the time).

Or like PP have said - just you, DH, best man, MOH & bridesmaids on the top table, no parents. If they can't behave like adults on your wedding day they don't get to sit with the 'big kids'. It's supposed to be about you, your DH & your day. Not petty squabbles.

saraclara · 08/07/2021 20:28

"I am the product of two parents. They will both be sitting with me on my wedding day. Anything else is unthinkable"

If DSM argues with that, she's uninvited.

5hyl33n · 08/07/2021 20:29

Hi @Unsername1233,

Sorry to hear about all that unnecessary stress! Your family should be supporting you at this time and not adding to your workload.

I can understand how important it is to have your auntie and uncle at your wedding. One of my suggestions is to speak to your mother/aunt and calmly explain how important it is for you to have your auntie and uncle at your wedding. If you have time, perhaps, you could set up a family meeting with your aunt and mother and try to resolve the differences?

As for your stepmother, I am honestly speechless. This is your big day and I am not sure why she cannot understand how important it is to have YOUR parents at the top table. Where will your stepmother be sitting, may I ask? Also, what is your father's take on this? If your stepmother does not come around on this matter, then it might be best to not invite her! You definitely do not want drama on the wedding day.

Your anger and sadness is completely justified and I really do hope everything works out. Congratulations on getting married. I wish you and your fiancée all the best!

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/07/2021 20:31

Seriously, I’d elope, put the money towards home/honeymoon/car, whatever you need. Badly behaved children don’t get nice things, neither should badly behaved adults.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 08/07/2021 20:31

Personally I would have the people who moaned the least on the top table. Shove the Twisty Arsed Fucks on a side table.

Disfordarkchocolate · 08/07/2021 20:34

I'd go for a small top table.

When my son got married my ex was at the top table with the brides parents. I was at a table near the front with my husband and family. I may have had my lovely granddaughter with me but it hurt and I felt that everyone was looking at me and judging.

Original poster

Unsername1233 · 08/07/2021 20:34

Thanks for all your comments. I think I’m just massively surprised how family can be so unreasonable, for the sake of one day! I haven’t spoken to dad yet about the comments made, it will probably cause further arguments and I can’t deal with that hassle today!

Maybe it’s a blessing it’s happened so early. I’m already thinking f**k it, we will have a wedding abroad with our friends as witness’s and save the money instead of spending on petty family members

Never did I ever think that family would be the cause of wedding stress

OP posts:

TellySavalashairbrush · 08/07/2021 20:39

Top tables are very old hat.we had table for two but basically only used it to sit and eat as we were up and moving around most of the time .

EnjoyingTheSilence · 08/07/2021 20:43

In your shoes I’d go apeshit at the lot of them. Tell them to grow up, this is your wedding day and to stop making it all about them and their pettiness.

GoWalkabout · 08/07/2021 21:00

People cannot bear to think about anyone but themselves. Definitely sack off the big wedding and sod the lot of them. I think I ended up with dad's girlfriend and dms husband ON the top table because the former would have made such a drama of not being. I didn't want them there of course.

Onlinedilema · 08/07/2021 21:05

Traditionally the bride's father sits next to the groom's mother, and the groom's father sits next to the bride's mother, would this help?

MindTheBumps · 08/07/2021 21:27

Just have a sweets heart table, you and your groom. Saves all hassle.

Shame about your auntie though, can they definitely it make up?

HotPenguin · 08/07/2021 21:29

Top table is just a recipe for disaster, as it's picking out your favourite/most important guests. If you're parents are divorced it's bound to cause problems, and I can't imagine anything worse than having to share a table with my ex just for appearances.

Backhills · 08/07/2021 21:33

@Sloaneslone

I used to organise weddings. That's sounds fairly normal. Most weddings have these issues.

I don't think it's unusual for your auntie to decline attending. Yes they can stay far part, but it will be uncomfortable and likely people will talk about them not speaking.

Its also not that unusual regarding the step mother. I think its rude of the SM to be trying to dictate, but lots of people mix things up.

So no parents on the top table.

Parents on top table, but if they are split the top table is mixed up. Father of the bride sat with Mother of the groom as an example.

All parents and their new partners on top table.

These things, unfortunately, are utterly mundane when organising a wedding. It sucks, but at least you aren't alone

I thought it was completely usual for Father of the bride to sit with mother of the groom at the top table anyway?

Wombat36 · 08/07/2021 21:36

I tried to have a nice but pretty basic wedding. It was incredibly difficult. Previously sane relatives & friends went went weirdly batshit. So much drama for what was effectively a pub lunch.

My sibling did the friends only thing, I envy them now!

Livingintheclouds · 08/07/2021 21:42

Don't have a top table. At my wedding, my parents hosted a table, we hosted a table, my in laws were divorced so the two couples hosted their own tables. It wasn't as formal as that sounds, but it meant no hard feelings of who to include. Plus frankly we didn't want to be sitting with our parents!

Sloaneslone · 09/07/2021 07:08

I thought it was completely usual for Father of the bride to sit with mother of the groom at the top table anyway?

I wouldn't say it was usual. Unless the parents are good friends. My experience is that people are sitting g their parents together. Unless there's a problem with one set of parents.

A long time ago, we used to recommend a traditional top table plan, for people who wanted the traditional. Which did have them as you say (it was 20 years ago so I can't quite remember) But scrapped it because no one did it anyway. The seating was usually decided on what the relationship between the parents were

Sloaneslone · 09/07/2021 07:09

Sorry that should have said 'which might have had them as you say'

I genuinely can't remember what the traditional one was, because no one did it.

bigbaggyeyes · 09/07/2021 07:18

Our family is so disjointed that we didn't have a top table. To stop all arguing myself and my dh sat on a table with my closest friends and their kids and I put the families on different tables.

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