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Original poster

Wedding fall outs before the invites even go out!

37 replies

Unsername1233 · 08/07/2021 20:14

Me and my fiancée have finally found a venue and there were some issues surrounding the food so I just wanted to check with my nearest and dearest if they’re happy with the options. Now...

My auntie and mother have fallen out (around 6 months ago) but I didn’t think it would stop my auntie and uncle from coming. They have said due to the fall out they will not be attending. (AIBU to think they could just stay far apart?!) I’m super close to them and trying to respect their decision but it’s hurt me!

Now the second one, step mother has said my dad is not sitting at the top table with me and my mother, because, well, my mother is his ex. This seems SO silly?! I laughed at first thinking she was joking.

I now know why people find this stressful. Invites haven’t even gone out and it’s already an episode of the JK show (And unsurprising only my side of the family!)

ergh!!!

OP posts:
PurBal · 09/07/2021 07:22

Weddings bring out the crazy. My mum complained bitterly that she had no one to escort her from the church (apparently that's a thing) or sit with her at the traditional top table because my father-in-law had *died. My mum had a lot of tantrums to be honest, even threatened to kill herself (tricky to navigate).

PragmaticWench · 09/07/2021 07:25

Traditionally the father of the groom sits next to the mother of the bride at the top table and the father of the bride with the mother of the groom at the other end.

I've seen a good solution to step parents not getting on and acting like babies is to give each couple or single person their own table to host, with their closest relatives/friends on. You can space them into the far corners of the room! Then have any bridesmaids and the best man sitting with you.

MoreAloneTime · 09/07/2021 07:28

In my experience when the parents are separated the bride and groom always end up deciding against a traditional top table.

Throughabushbackwards · 09/07/2021 07:31

We had no seating plans at all at our wedding OP. Village hall, three very long tables going fully down the length. We let people sit as they liked. It was great as everyone chatted and mingled far more than at a more formal setting.

Zampa · 09/07/2021 07:33

I'm a stepmother and whilst I wouldn't dictate to my step children about the table plan, I would be quite upset to be sat on my own (without DH) throughout the wedding breakfast.

AlternativePerspective · 09/07/2021 07:34

I’d tell the stepmother that it’s a child free wedding, and considering she’s behaving like one she’s no longer invited.

If your father is happy to sit at the top table then that’s not her call to make.

Bentoforthehorde · 09/07/2021 07:36

Ahh, weddings. They really do bring out the best in people Grin
My DH's family are Jehovas witnesses, large family. They spoke to no one else at the wedding, camped out in a back room for most of it. I'm Christian and had all my church friends there. MIL actually decided to go back to the hotel to get something on the way from the registry office to the reception, she was on the top table so we all just sat there waiting for ages, a whole room full of people.
My mother paid for a lot of the wedding, it was small but there was the hall/food/etc and at the end DH's family took anything that wasn't nailed down it was a free for all. Came into the kitchen taking food and bottles of wine, even took lace table covers that belonged to my grandma and flower arrangements my mum made.
I really wouldn't worry about what everyone else thinks, just do whatever you want. And don't be afraid to say your mind to people because if they're going to cause drama, get it out before the wedding.
Oh and hide the leftover bottles of wine at the end, just in case haha.

MoreAloneTime · 09/07/2021 07:42

To be fair whatever traditional etiquette dictates these days couples do tend to expect to be seated together at weddings. This can be tricky when you have separated parents or a married best man and the bride and groom want to stick with tradition.

TalkingOutYerArse · 09/07/2021 07:45

@Onlinedilema

Traditionally the bride's father sits next to the groom's mother, and the groom's father sits next to the bride's mother, would this help?
Yes, this. Isnt it norm?
inappropriateraspberry · 09/07/2021 07:57

We had a similar issue re top table, and I had to reassure my MIL that she wouldn't be sat next to ex as we had the traditional top table layout. They were at either end with people between them.

MrsMiddleMother · 09/07/2021 08:02

My brother's top table was him, his wife, best man and maid of honour and it worked really well x

EveryoneIsThere · 09/07/2021 08:18

I think it's nicer to sit couples together so splitting up you Dad and his wife seems a bit thoughtless. I'd either have a king too table or no top table

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