How do you plan a wedding?

[AmazingGrapes]

Hi all,

I have no idea where to start. Don’t really want to spend a fortune but OH really wants a proper wedding so I’m thinking how do we have a nice wedding as cheap as it can possibly be done? And how much would that be?

I’m thinking nice wedding venue but maybe that allows outside caterers and booze (does that exist? And is it cheaper?)

Does anyone have any other ideas for how to cut costs at a nice wedding?

OH not keen on weekday wedding as he feels it’d exclude too many people.

Also... where the hell do you start?

TIA!

Depends on what you mean by a “proper wedding” really or nice!

I got married 2 years ago and we had a church ceremony followed by a marquee reception.

We did realise rapidly that using a typical wedding venue would have been easier and probably cheaper, but we did have a lot of choice over what we did. Not all venues will allow you to use outside caterers or bring in your own alcohol, for example.

Any thoughts on what you’d like? Happy to share advice!

Make sure your DH does his fair share, as he's the one who cares more about what your wedding is like.

What does he see as the important elements? Has he a secret (or not so secret) hankering for a particular sort and of do?

Church, register office or venue? I'd go for one of the first two, because you might be able to get better deals for the reception from rooms in pubs, hotels which aren't selling you an package or village halls.

Start by checking availability of any key guests you really couldn't bear not to be there (parents, siblings besties) and get the legal ceremony booked (it might be up to you to find a registrar to go to a venue)

The things not to scrimp on are food and drink for your guests (and feed them at a normal mealtime). Eliminate lots of things - you don't need favours, elaborate decorations, posh cars, STD cards, and elaborate stationery in general

Think about entertainment - do you need a band, or would cheesy disco go down better?

Photographs - most people want good ones, might be something not to scrimp on

What else matters to you?

Local council buildings are cheaper than many other places for weddings.
The problem now is their is a huge backlog of weddings waiting to happen. This will limit your choices.
I'd book the venue/s, & registrar if needed, plus catering first. Then vehicles and photographer..

I agree that a pre done package at a venue/hotel would be the cheapest way of doing a 'proper' wedding. We did it all separately- church, our own caterers, our own booze, entertainers. It wasn't cheaper but we got exactly what we wanted - good quality buffet food rather than a 3 course mass produced meal, we had great and plentiful wine, beer, spirits and soft drinks. But it was more work for us.

A weekday is always much cheaper than a weekend wedding.

I’d start by thinking about the kind of venue you want and if you want a church wedding. Have a look on google and think about if you want a hotel or a different kind of venue.
I’ve been to lovely weddings where the ceremony was in a church or registry office and the party in a village hall with outside caterers, some alcohol provided and an outside bar brought in that guests paid for. I’ve also been to weddings at hotels or venues where all the food and organisation is provided and alcohol provided by the bride and groom.
Winter weddings are cheaper and as weather is variable in the UK anyway you can’t always guarantee good weather in the summer.
We cut costs by not bothering with a wedding cake and no one noticed.
I found the easiest way to plan was identify venue and date then flowers, photographer, hair and make up (if you want it) and then the finer details after that. I bought a wedding planner from paper chase and that helped

@Mumdiva99

I agree that a pre done package at a venue/hotel would be the cheapest way of doing a 'proper' wedding. We did it all separately- church, our own caterers, our own booze, entertainers. It wasn't cheaper but we got exactly what we wanted - good quality buffet food rather than a 3 course mass produced meal, we had great and plentiful wine, beer, spirits and soft drinks. But it was more work for us.

We did similar, organising everything ourselves. It gave us lots of choice about every aspect of the day (and our caterers were amazing) but did create more work for us.

Also, factor in your time into your plans. A village hall for example might be cheap to hire, but don’t underestimate the work required to set it up beforehand, and clean it up afterwards.

Also, decide which things you don’t care about (favours, decorations, whatever) and don’t spend money on them! I didn’t care about a car to take me to the church, as no one would see me arrive in it, and our ceremony and reception were next door to each other. I booked the kind of minicab service that does smart airport transfers instead after being quoted ridiculous rates (after accidentally mentioning the W word)

Probably best to get some costings for different options, and that then makes it easier to bring into focus what is important for you as a couple.
Is having more guests there more or less important than having somewhere pretty for the photos?
Is having expensive clothes (suit hire, multiple bridesmaids expensive wedding dress) more or less important than having an evening do as well as a day one?
Do you have the time, and / or the family help and/or the skills to do parts of the day yourselves, or would it be less stressful to get things done for you.?

I think, sometimes, until you start investigating the costs of these things, it is difficult to focus in on what is important to you.

We got married in winter, which is usually cheaper than the summer months. We also had our reception at a best western hotel, we got a package deal which included the food, room hire, room decoration and DJ. Definitely easier than doing it yourself and might be cheaper. My wedding was described as a ‘cookie-cutter’ wedding but honestly I didn’t care because we didn’t have to worry about all that.

First, work out your budget. What are you comfortable spending? What can you afford to spend without going into debt. This includes all bits that you might want to look at - don’t forget rings and honeymoon (if you want them) as well as the normal wedding stuff.

Then work out what your priorities are and what your partner’s priorities are. Take both of your top three, check if there are any conflicts in your priorities (you may want cheap as possible and he might want to invite everyone he’s ever met) and work out your compromise on conflicting priorities. When you’re clear what you’re focusing on and how you’re going to compromise, if needed. These priorities get the biggest chunk of the budget. Get some quotes for these bits and see how far your budget has taken you. If your budget doesn’t stretch, then you might need to revisit your priorities and think of alternative ways of getting those priorities in place. So if the venue is too expensive but is a priority, you start to look at cheaper venues like village halls. If you have budget left, you work through the rest of the stuff that falls outside your priorities, then stop when you reach the end of the budget.

I had a 'proper' (I'm assuming you mean traditional?) wedding for around £8k in total, a few years ago. We had 80 day guests and about 120 in the evening. So it's definitely doable, but you do have to think differently about some parts of it.

We found a lovely country pub that was licensed for weddings and just had a very down to earth couple in charge. They charged a hire fee of £800 (for a Saturday wedding) and then nothing else had a wedding mark up. As in, we had a roast for our wedding breakfast and they charged the same as they would on a Sunday. They also allowed us to pay corkage and provide our own wine. Incredibly lucky! It took a lot of creative googling and asking recently wedded couples for venue tips, so I'd definitely take the time to research all possible venues.

We didn't go for a lot of the 'expected' wedding elements, like fancy favours, hiring cars etc. We just had family drive us instead. Very simple table settings and simple flowers (the bridesmaid had a single flower, and my 'bouquet' was about 8 or so flowers - but the effect was stunning). All of those elements really adds up, so if cost is an issue then definitely consider which ones are really worth it.

My dress cost about £400 including alterations. Everything else - accessories, bridesmaid dresses, groomsman outfits etc - were high street. All looked amazing.

We were offered a lot of services by friends or family for free, which again was very lucky. So our stationery, photos, cake all cost us nothing (we obviously arranged lovely gifts as thank yous!).

You can do your own/each others hair, make up etc.

One of the most fun part of the planning for us was the music.. We did our own play list and provided our own sound system (the pub had disco lights etc). Itasnt as polished, but it was so personalised, and we had all of our guests choose a song on their rsvp. It went down amazingly well.

As I say, I know we were very lucky in many ways with ours. We didn't miss a single thing we didn't go for (like cars, fancy table settings etc), and everyone after commented on just how relaxed and fun the day was. Hopefully some of these tips will prove helpful to you! Good luck and enjoy the planning!

Pub is good

One of the nicest weddings I've ever been to was a family member's wedding in village church, then all walked over to the village pub. Free bar (no spirits) for an hour or so, then reception in a marquee, with caterers and wine provided for tables, but all other drinks from the pub (which kept one bar for wedding use, other opened as normal after the free-bar hour).

Pub was cheap for that use (v happy with extra trade!). Obvs marquee hire and caterers were costs, but could shop around. They did have a band, but IMO the playlist before/after went down better (more people dancing!)

Definitely depends on what he means by "proper".

Look around at venues. Some will have deals on the 'less desirable' dates.

I did my whole wedding for less than £10k including the venue all day (including the ceremony) full 3 course meal for 50 people and half a bottle of wine each and evening hog roast for 100 people, which came in at £4k for a winter wedding when the exact same set up in the summer was £12k. Another great tip is if you have a Christmas wedding, most venues will be decorated already so that saves your a fortune.
I got a great photographer who was just starting out in the wedding business and needed to add to his portfolio so he only charged £350 for the whole day and got some really beautiful shots.
Wedding dress was £1k in a sale, we had a doughnut tower cake with which cost about £20 and a 'cake' made from wheels of cheese with loads of chutney and crackers.
My ring was my nana so cost nothing except to have it resized and my husbands ring was only £300.
I did our own music playlist on Spotify and borrow a friends speakers and disco lights.
I made a lot of stuff myself including the seating plan using a mirror and some chalk pens, table numbers, name card holders etc.
I think flowers came in at £500 and finally we had a honey moon in New York which we got in an Expedia sale for about £1500.

There were other bits and bobs in there but it came in well under £10k. I know £10k is still a lot for a day but it is cheap in comparison to most!

As others have said, trade off your time and effort vs a package where everything is done for you.

It is extremely unlikely you will find a venue that is conveniently located, cheap to hire, licensed for weddings and also allowing external catering and bar - how would they make any money? Whereas if you can compromise on say getting married in a registry then hiring a hall for a 'party' you can get good deals. Pubs are also a cheaper and good option, used to catering and hosting but not as expensive and can still be really nice.

Things that tend to cost a lot: photographers. Not a lot of wiggle here, they charge what they charge, only way to reduce the price is to hire them for fewer hours if you can. Flowers: extortionate. I got mine dried from etsy and saved a fortune. Cake: noone is bothered about a posh cake. Buy in an M&S one. Dress: there are now so many options on the high street that it's easy to get something for a good price.

Timeline: pick venue first, everything else flows from there. Find somewhere you like, check with registrars if they are available and then book! Then you want to book in any external vendors such as photogs who get booked up well in advance. Anything within your own control such as diy decor, you can leave until later.

Before you can pick a venue, you need a rough guest list, so I call that item number one on the list. Just a rough idea of the capacity you might need.

IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE STRESSFUL. If it's all really stressful, it's not worth it.

Although our wedding wasn't inexpensive, we spent on the things we felt important and skipped the extras.
Most of the budget went on food and champagne and band.
No favours, photographer, cake or cars. Simple flowers.
Just went to the hairdresser the day before and had a friend fix it on the day. DiY makeup.
Wedding dresses are the biggest con IMO. I spent 600 which isn't excessive but still its a lot for a one off. I bought spendy shoes, but not bridal per say so I have worn them a lot since.

Some reeeeeaaally useful advice on here - thank you!

I’d definitely be happy with a registry office and a pub and if I can find a nice, weddingy-enough one I reckon my OH would be happy with that too.

My OH will happily take on his half of the planning but it will cost us serious £££ if he does as he’s a YOLO type of person and I’m a we-need-a-bigger-house type person

I love the idea of axing half the typical wedding stuff and my OH also isn’t bothered about most stuff. His main thing is that he wants:

All the important people there (probs 120 ish)
Hosting is really important to him so he’ll want to provide nice food, loads of booze and a good party - someone suggested potentially cutting out the band, great suggestion if he’s ok with that.
He likes a bit of glam tbh so will want nice suits (and if he’s having a nice suit I’ll take a nice dress ha)
And everything else is unimportant I would guess.

I think the venue is going to be the all important cost determining factor. Anyone got any recommendations around London/the south east?? Has to be a Saturday in the summer, we’re not pushed for time (2023 wedding)

Thanks for all your help so far!!

If he likes nice suits I'd certainly look at hiring.

Draw up a list of all the different aspects that's related to the wedding and then start researching how those items can be ordered or caterer for, bit like a shopping list so to speak.

Okay.......

So it has to be Summer (expensive)
It has to be a Saturday (expensive)
Has to be for about 120 people (expensive)
Has to include lots of quality food and lots of booze (expensive)
Has to include fancy clothes (expensive)

but you don't want to spend a fortune

Not sure we can help you here

Would he do a smallish civil ceremony followed by a big knees up? If you're in London I would do the ceremony at Chelsea or Marylebone town hall (v classic and great pics) followed by literally anywhere that would take 120 people - this may open up a lot of options to you.

Look at what you can cut, e.g. no seating plan (we didn't have one, everyone found seats and got on well), no favours, email invitations for all apart from elderly aunties etc.

It is cheaper to DIY food and booze, but you will find that most venues have 'approved caterers' and it's difficult to try food before you buy (lots of places will only let you go to the tasting evening once you've paid a deposit). We went for a posh street food van because we could go and try the food (paid for) at a local food festival beforehand, so we knew the quality was good.

The biggest constraint will be venue size (unfortunately I don't live near you so can't recommend anything) - finding a venue that has a wedding licence and will let you DIY food and drink is like finding a needle in a haystack. We found a local village hall that allowed any food and was big enough, but the compromise was that we had to use their bar - we put money behind the bar instead, which TB fair lasted nearly all evening.

We didn't have a photographer. We did ask a relative to film the ceremony and take a couple of whole-group snaps. All our other photos were sent to us by guests and we had more than enough lovely photos for an album.

One of the best weddings I went to was at a church followed by a village hall reception. They hired the hall for the weekend so the set up and clean up were done either side of the wedding. The ladies of the family helped by making bunting and filled little vases with flower buds for table decoration. They hired covered chairs, tables and caterers. Booze was from a duty free trip with a couple of the 4-person caterering team serving the welcome drinks then people helping themselves. There was a live band for an hour to get people going then it switched over to a playlist. I've been to some that have cost much much more and while they were lovely in their own way, the village hall wedding was just so happy and relaxed.

@BackforGood

Okay.......

So it has to be Summer (expensive)
It has to be a Saturday (expensive)
Has to be for about 120 people (expensive)
Has to include lots of quality food and lots of booze (expensive)
Has to include fancy clothes (expensive)

but you don't want to spend a fortune

Not sure we can help you here

Have to agree with this I'm afraid. I'm getting married in August, on a Friday, in Scotland so nowhere near London prices and am paying around £15,000 for 30 people in a hotel with plenty of food and drink so I don't know what your not very expensive is but I don't think your requirements won't be my version of expensive

@BackforGood haha I think you might be right too! I think my OH and I might end up getting married at different weddings...

I think before you decide on venues, food etc you need to determine your overall budget. Wedding costs spiral out of control very quickly.

Then discuss which things are absolute musts, which are ‘if we can afford it’ and which you are happy to do without.

Having got that list set a priority for spending - is a designer dress more important than fresh flowers? Cars or photography?

There are definitely ways to reduce overall costs if you are prepared to put the effort in, or have people ‘muck in’. Do you have anyone who can do simple flowers? Do you have a hairdresser friend? Do you know anyone with vintage cars? Can you do your own decorations and use bargain shops like The Range for candles, lanterns, garlands etc.
Could you or your mother make a wedding cake? Do you even need a wedding cake?

If you go later in the day - a 3pm wedding or later, you don’t have to put on two lots of catering. There is less time to but wine for too.
Use local, smaller caterers and consider vegetarian menu. It’s cheaper.

Do you know anyone who could play the music at the Church or during the drinks reception?

I think you have to really think about what is important rather than what you think people will expect. Better a hog roast with cider and no debt than a seven course tasting menu with paired wines and ten years repayments.