How do you plan a wedding?

[AmazingGrapes]

Hi all,

I have no idea where to start. Don’t really want to spend a fortune but OH really wants a proper wedding so I’m thinking how do we have a nice wedding as cheap as it can possibly be done? And how much would that be?

I’m thinking nice wedding venue but maybe that allows outside caterers and booze (does that exist? And is it cheaper?)

Does anyone have any other ideas for how to cut costs at a nice wedding?

OH not keen on weekday wedding as he feels it’d exclude too many people.

Also... where the hell do you start?

TIA!

I think this is why it is worth you getting some actual prices so you have a better idea of what you are actually comparing or making decisions about, rather than an idea that "that was nice at Fred's wedding a couple of years ago" or "I've always wanted a...." etc. without having any idea of how much of a hole that will put in your budget.

You dp's thinking that you need to cater for 120 people might falter when he realises that could easily be £100 per head. So £12 000. At that stage, he might start thinking 'Oh, well, in that case, I'd rather have 60 people' or he might think, he still wants everyone to be there, but is now more happy to look at cheaper venues / cheaper catering.
Neither is right nor wrong, but it is better to have the information to be able to make those decisions.

Yes this is so true.

Also we haven’t even written a guest list so we might find that we don’t actually know 120 people ha.

I got some price lists back from some nice venues today. One wants 18000 for a Saturday in July for 60 people. Bit of a wake up call!! They do understand that we’re only booking a wedding not BUYING the venue right?!

Our quotes for very similar venues varied enormously from £40,000 for venue hire but no catering etc down to the one we went with which was £4, 500 for use of venue but we had to pay teepee hire and lavatory hire. It came to about £18, 000 in total - still a fair amount but half the price of the most expensive venue.
Sadly, we can’t use the teepee because of fifteen person limit, so are just paying £1,000 for venue hire at the same place and then paying caterers above that.

I think setting upper numbers, before listing people to invite, focussed the mind. Great aunt Ermintrude’s second cousin Edith might like a wedding, but are they really adding much? Setting a limit stops inclusion of acquaintances, too many work Colleagues and distant relatives.

In South East, on a summer Saturday, you won't save any substantial money bringing in catering and booze. I crunched the numbers for this for pretty much every venue within 2 hours of London, the issue is you end up paying 6000 or more just to hire the venue if they allow external catering. The cheapest option was definitely one of the town halls such as Marylebone followed by a pub reception, which I wanted but compromised as DH wanted somewhere with outdoor space.

That wasn’t the case for us, Pedalpushers. We’re not London but are South East. A pub is usually going to be cheaper, but it depends what you want.

A village hall in a rural village with a Marquee - or approach a local farmer/landowners who might well let you use a field to put up a teepee for a donation to Charity - or a friend with a decent sized garden, perhaps?
One of the loveliest weddings I’ve been to was at Buster Ancient Farm. Very simple Druid (ish) wedding with broom jumping and hand fasting. They just brought in a hog and lamb roast, a huge cheese board for each table and an ice cream van.

My best advice is to stop thinking of it as a wedding and focus more on it as a party you are hosting. Work out how many people you want to invite.

Then start looking at venues which can accommodate that many people.

Where will people park? Is the easy public transport access. If you are moving venues how will everyone get to the next place and where park.

When will drinks and food be provided? Is there sufficient space for everyone? How many children, do they need a separate space, maybe with a leader to keep them occupied.

Good access to loos etc. What decorations will be included, do you want anything else?

Then entertainment.

Then add any wedding things like ceremony, photographer, flowers etc.

It's interesting to compare prices for example for flowers to decorate a room for a family party snd for a wedding. Same flowers, very different prices.

Have you set your budget, OP?

My advice would be to do that first and go from there.

For the wedding you describe - 120 people and you are wanting to feed them all good quality food, and have nice suits etc - you won't do that for less than £10,000.

If that's above your budget then you'll need to revise the number of guests, type of food or clothing that you want.

Just to add to my previous post - my wedding is similar size - 120 guests - and we have spent closer to £20,000. We didn't want anything fancy when we started out either. Lol.

So my estimate of £10,000 for what you describe is really the lower end of the scale.

@nancywhitehead that is really helpful - thank you. I don’t have a set budget but I know I need one or it’ll get out of control - especially given that my OH would probably happily spend loads on the wedding if I don’t have a vague opinion to temper him!

In my mind I was thinking that the average wedding (apparently £33k!) is WAY too much and I’d much rather spend closer to £20k if not less.

Do you mind me asking what sort of a wedding you’re having for that price?

Thanks again!

We’re getting married for £5k this summer, that’s in the North East with 50 people and careful budgeting, so I agree £10k for 120 people near London will be tight.

Some things that have helped us cost wise- our venue is a brewery that doesn’t charge for usage, just the food and drink. I’ve ordered myself and my bridesmaids dried flower bouquets and am doing the table arrangements myself. We’re not doing a lot of decorating (fortunately it’s a pretty venue!) and not wasting lots of money on giant signs and photo booths and other things that will never get used again. My best friends are making our cake and doing my hair and makeup.

Our priorities were making sure people were well fed and watered, and decent photos. So that’s where we’ve spent the money and everything else I’ve mostly done on the cheap.

In terms of planning, start with the big stuff and work your way down- venue, caterer if you need one, photographer, florist, dj/entertainment- get that stuff locked down before you start on the pinteresty stuff

@FinallyHere

It's interesting to compare prices for example for flowers to decorate a room for a family party snd for a wedding. Same flowers, very different prices.

This is so true. We have a florist for the church and reception venue tomorrow - £1,700. She’ll do a very good job, I know.

I’m doing the tiny village green and house - similar amount of flowers required - and went to a specialist nursery and bought ten large buckets of blooms for £120. I’ll cut greenery from the garden.

I got some price lists back from some nice venues today. One wants 18000 for a Saturday in July for 60 people. Bit of a wake up call!! They do understand that we’re only booking a wedding not BUYING the venue right?!

From a venue perspective:

• weddings take a lot of hand holding. It used to take us 22 hours of contact time with a client to get them to their actual wedding day.

• we make money on catering, so we don’t want you to take a dry hire of a venue. We lose either the profit on food and beverage, or we lose catering commission. So a venue is going to out price you, knowing that if you pay that it’s great and if you don’t it’s a Saturday in July.

• you have picked, quite literally the most expensive time of the year to get married.

My advice to you:

• look for smaller venues; village halls, town halls, provincial museum spaces (not a massive museum like the Tate) and community arts centres.

Places like Oxford House in Bethnal Green for example, where it’s not super polished, but it’s good space and there’s a green space outside for photos.

In my experience it can be cheaper than a £120 a head package.

• do not lie to your venue about it being a wedding.

• consider other times of year. From my experience in outdoor events, we typically experience a good couple of days around Valentine’s Day, Mid- April and early September. I have done weddings in late June with a shivering bride because it’s 8 degrees.

You pay a premium for summer, but it’s not guaranteed. You will get way more value for money in cold season, so really consider actually if it’s important.

• For 60 people you may struggle to get a cost-effective external caterer unless it’s a cold option. For 120-150 it’s more feasible. But in all honesty, I’ve always used external caterers to provide experiences; street food, pizza ovens, high end barbecues - and being brutal, it doesn’t work out cheaper unless you lower your expectation.

In all honesty, pick a venue with a caterer that works for you. Set a budget, and be honest with them about it.

At the end of the day it’s my job to sell you Nyetimber instead of Prosecco. But when I know your budget, I work your money much harder for you. I will include a glass of fizz, or cake service or free kids meals and every venue has that within their benefits list. But when you say ‘send me a quote’ you’re going to get mega bucks quote because...we have to start somewhere and we don’t know where to pitch it.

I'd start by doing a guest list and then looking at what it would cost to feed the list. Ultimately your guests won't care how much your dress cost or how much you spent on flowers but they will care if they aren't hosted properly.

Don't do what a family member of mine did - expected everyone to book Monday off work, travel from all corners of the UK and finish the reception at 5 so they didn't have to pay for dinner. Yes they saved money but the guests felt poorly treated. Better to have less guests than do something like that.

@Spandang some amazing advice here, thank you! What do you do? Do you run a wedding venue?

Partner is compromising on the Saturday issue so we’ll now consider Thursday or Friday.

Have found some great venues (eg smaller venues and beautiful pubs in the grounds of stately homes) and am feeling a lot more like it’s going to be fine.

Would never lie to a venue - how absolutely mortifying when you turn up on the day! Especially if they’ve decked it out for the «funeral» you said was happening

Our guest list is looking more like 120, the quote I got for 60 was just a random example quote from a venue.