Expensive hen do - what to do?!

[TeddyIsaHe]

My best friend of 27 years is getting married in January.

Her sister is organising her hen do and it is absolutely bonkers how much it’s going to cost. Weekend away in a manor house, booking an entire restaurant for dinner one night, cocktails in London, and then brunch at v pricey place on the Sunday.

I’ve calculated and it’s going to cost nearly a GRAND per person. That’s insane right? I cannot afford it (single parent, not a huge amount of spare cash due to covid). Even getting the train and going for the dinner will be £250+.

How do I get out of this without hurting my friend.

I think you can just explain that you can't afford it, your friend should understand hopefully. Could you go for part of it, the meal maybe, or is it too far away?

That’s insane. Tell the organiser she is doing the bride no favours by alienating her friends with such an expensive plan.

No way in hell should anyone pay a grand for a weekend hen!

Agree with Sierra, you need to talk to your friend. She probably knows your circumstance and will understand.

I think £1k is a lot of anyone’s money to attend a hen do, I can’t imagine many of us wanting to spend that - or ask our friends to do so.

You simply say you can’t afford it.

Sorry I just saw the price for the train and meal. I would be saying I can't go, I doubt you'll be the only one worrying about the cost!

That's an easy one 'that's more than twice my max budget, I won't be able to come - I wonder if other people are struggling to afford it too?'

Tell the organiser you can't afford it (assuming your friend doesn't know the plan). I would also seperately tell your friend and offer to take her out for a meal/drinks seperately. There may well be others and the price might come down.

Blame covid?

Not really. I'd just say something like it sounds really fantastic, but is unfortunately way of out my price range. Let's meet up for drinks/dinner/lunch instead soon.

She's your friend. She should understand.

I'd be having a word with her sister.

A grand??!!! Even if you could afford it, who the hell is spending that on a hen. Not your issue tbh, the organiser should have checked budgets etc. It’s really simple “so sorry I can’t afford the weekend but let’s do a dinner just you and me pre wedding”....you won’t be the only one who refuses such a cost I’m sure.

Just be honest. Call her and say you cannot afford it.

Yes I think just being honest and taking her out for dinner is the way forward.

I can’t imagine any of the people invited are going to want to spend that much tbh. It’s a lovely idea, but I almost fainted when the MOH sent the details over.

That’s really OTT. I think the organiser has lost the plot and might screw up her sister’s hen do by making it unaffordable for people.
I’d let her know.

I think I have once or twice spent a grand on accommodation and travel - for a week for a whole family.

No way would I spend that for 1 person for a weekend. I mean I could, but there is no chance that I would. It is ridiculous.

Most hens Iv been on they do 4 days abroad but most people can't afford it and older family don't want to go on which the bride has always understood and they've done a night out in home town aswell for the ones that weren't able to go so would they maybe do something like this if not just organise something u and her if she's a true friend she will understand

Does your friend, the bride, know the plans/costs involved?
That's a ridiculous amount of money to expect people to pay for a hen do. Just say you can't afford it and don't go. Stick to it because I'm sure her sister will try to persuade you that you really must go!

You won't be the only one thinking that op. Send an email back saying as much as you wanted to join in the celebrations, it's way over budget- honesty is always the best policy. I bet if you copy others in, there will be other that say the same too.

Unless her other friends are seriously well off they won’t be able to do it either. The weekends away for hen dos I’ve been on are normally about £200 for accommodation, maybe one or two meals and an activity.

Good God. Is the sister incredibly wealthy or something? I can't understand how she could POSSIBLY think £1k was doable for the average person, unless all her friends are the cast of Made in Chelsea.

I would tell them. If they are wanting people to spend that sort of money, they have to expect that it will be out of some people's price range.

This was the main reason I told my friends to make my hen night affordable.

omg that is actually outrageous! just be honest and say you cannot afford it..You are likely not the only one

Reply to the whole group saying that your max budget is whatever, (don’t go into reasons, it’s irrelevant why you can’t or don’t want to, just state your max) then they’ll know it’s not a matter of persuasion but simply lots more than you want to pay. You’ll give others a get out too.

You will be doing everyone a favour by pointing out it is out of your budget. others will feel able to speak up too and then they will have to find another option.
If not, say you can't do the weekend but will join them for brunch?

My super rich friend did this... 4 out of 34 invited ended up accepting so plans were changed to make it more reasonable price so 26 ended up going!

They may realise how ridiculous this is when everyone says they can’t afford it!

Are they also factoring in that everyone else chips in to pay for the bride?
Tbh that’s a huge piss take - whatever happened to a hen night going out locally and ending up in a club or something? Now they’ve all got to be over a number of days, sometimes abroad and all bells and whistles.
I would say you’re a single mum and would rather take your child/ren on holiday for a week for that kind of money.